It's time. You know the drill, I'll finish the other one later


Xu picks up a black card in front of him and reads it out loud.

"What does Dick Cheney prefer?"

He turns his attention to a pile of white cards next to him and picks them up. The students are huddled in a circle around a large pile of cards scattered all over the floor. Xu reads each one of the white cards and then looks up with a annoyed face. He holds up a card reading:

"Dick Cheney." The classroom bursts into laughter.

"Alright! Take that you lowlives!" Kamikita grabs the black card out of Xu's hands and places it on his pile.

You finish a round of Cards Against Humanity, losing like a bitch all day but at least it's better than working and studying all day.

You grab and pick up a black card. Before you can read it, though—

"Shirou!" a very familiar sound reaches your ears. Sounds almost like...

"Seibah!?" You stand up furiously, but you find out it's just Karen. "Oh, it's just you. What's wrong?"

"This game! It's not welcome in a school environment!"

"Oh please, you don't have to worry about political correctness here. I don't even know what country we're supposed to be in!"

"Australia." Karen blurts out.

"Wait what, really?" One of the students gets up from the circle hurriedly.

"Oh no..." Horror washes over Xu's face.

"Oh God, we're in AUSTRALIA?!"

Several giant spiders break through the classroom window, pooping out web all over the place. Panic breaks out instantly. Unfortunate students get caught immediately, while the rest try to get away using their osu! tablets as shields.

"Sh-Sh-Shirou! What do we do?!"

"There's only one thing to do, Karen."

[] Sexual intercourse.
[] Sexual intercourse. With the spiders.
[] Find an Emu.
[] Unlimited Stream Works.
[] RUN.

Any Australian knows that spiders are weak to emus.

Shellghost wrote:

Any Australian knows that spiders are weak to emus.

I have to follow the aussie on this one. I mean, these sort of things happen every week down under. He's the expert.

Contact the emu. Not just any emu. The veteran ones of ages past. Them.

[] Find an Emu.


Let's finish this goddamn war once and for all

run spiders are scary, and jumping spiders are the spawn of satan

unlimited stream works dat pussy

emu, whatever it is that

Let's follow the ausrtalian's example and find a freakin Emu.

Bassist Vinyl wrote:

run spiders are scary, and jumping spiders are the spawn of satan

Just the very thought of jumping spiders makes my skin crawl.

I say we let the emu's handle this.

emus

What's an emu

[x] Challenge the chief spider to a 1v1 on [really hard map]

"We're going to find an emu."

"What?"

You grab Karen by the wrist and get the hell out of there.

You run through the hallways, well-lit for goddamn once, dodging the mass of spiders and webs littering your way. The giant spiders wreck havoc all over the school, trapping students in cocoons and knocking vending machines over.

"Where do we keep animals?"

"We have a petting zoo behind the school!"

"Got it—Ah fuck."

You make it to the main hall, where a gigantic system of webs covers the stairs. The once heavenly sight of the main hall is covered in bleak webs, with cocoons littered all over it. The rails and steps are completely covered with spider byproducts. The horrifying thing, though, is the gigantic spider hanging above, eyeing you intently as poison seeps out of its mouth.

"MORE MEAT FOR THE MEAT GOD" It hisses as its long, disgusting legs sprawl around the room. It leans its head towards you and Karen.

"Fucking Australia." You sum your thoughts as concisely as possible.

You quickly formulate a plan. You're on the second floor, there's a giant giant talking spider in front of you, and you're screwed if you don't make a move. There's only one logical thing to do in this scenario.

You tighten your grip around Karen's wrist, turn 360 degrees, and start sprinting towards a window.

"Sh-Shirou?!"

"I AM SHIROU MARINKOVICH, AND THIS IS NOT THE LAST YOU'VE HEARD OF—" You smash into the window "—MEEEEE...!"

You land on your ass. And on your back, making sure your partner doesn't suffer from the jump. You release Karen and let your limbs fall on to the grass.

"Shirou, you idiot!"

You cough up blood in response.

"Why did you do that?"

You cough up a little more while getting up.

"I-Is that it?"

You spit out a molar to emphasize your point.

"O-Oh." Karen looks away, blushing.

"But hey, look, there's the petting zoo!"

You point towards a small garden surrounded by pens and cages. Chickens, pigeons, and several other kinds of birds flutter around in their respective cages, basically just defecating and squawking as much as their short lives will allow it. But there, a lone flightless bird stands in the middle of the garden, surrounded by dozens of dead spiders.

"That's an emu?"

"Yes, that looks like one. At least, I suppose that explains the dead... spiders." Karen approaches the bird. "Well, here it is, what do you want to do with it?"

You walk up to the bird.

"Emu bird, we need your help man."

"FOOL!" The bird cocks it head at you and kicks you in the balls.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" You grab onto your crotch in despair.

"OFFER ME SOMETHING OF EQUAL WORTH, LOWLY HUMAN. WE ARE STILL THE RULERS OF THIS LAND, AND SEE NO REASON TO AID YOU PEOPLE WHO TRIED TO REVOLT AGAINST US."

"God... Fine. What can I offer though?"

You rummage through your pockets and see what can you offer the bird...

[] Your wallet
[] Your blood
[] Your partner
[] Unlimited Stream Works

Unlimited Stream Works. you will absolutely need the the 1st 3 options for later

SACRIFICE THE PARTNER FOR THE GREATER GOOD!

UNLIMITED.
STREAM.
WORKS.
THAT.
PUSSY.

you guys do realize that birds don't have vaginas do you?

i do. idk what the rest is thinking

http://puu.sh/7gLI9.png the more you know

And offer it your god damned blood you already have more than enough of that.

Tanzklaue wrote:

you guys do realize that birds don't have vaginas do you?

the pussy is referring to the partner.

You spread your legs at shoulder-width and straighten up your back. Shit's about to go down with this bird.

"Hm? What are you doing, lowlife?" The emu perks up its head.

"Shirou, you..."

Ignoring everyone else, you stretch out your arm, close your eyes, and focus. You pop a boner.

"I am the bone of my finger." You begin tapping into your genes. Not literally, but you work with that picture anyway.

"Circles are my body and speed is my blood."

"HMMM? What is this?!" The emu shouts as fingers begin materializing everywhere.

"W-Wha?!" Karen tries to scream, but her voice fails her. Not that you care; you're about to feel up the entire school.

"I have streamed over a thousand circles. Unknown to sliderbreaks, nor known to full combos." More fingers appear throughout the school, quite a few just floating in the air, but the vast majority inside people's pants and skirts. You're just hoping the pussy outweighs the ding a lings in this school. The strain starts to get to you, but you have to finish this. Beads of sweat roll down your body as you go on:

"Have withstood pain to create many used tissu— AUGHRK"

The emu kicks you in the balls again. The fingers disappear, as does your erection.

"FOOLISH HUMAN, YOU DON'T KNOW THE WAYS OF PLEASING THE MASTER RACE. But I shall spare ye for now." The emu walks away, but not before stomping your crotch like a bad reenactment of the Flamenco Girls. You can't even feel your legs anymore so what the hell.

"...Goddamn bird. I'll never make fun of Australia for losing to them again." You comment as you get up from the ground.

Well, darn. What now?

You turn to Karen, who's on the ground.

"Hah... Hah..."

"Come, class rep! Otherwise I'll drag you into a fight with these spiders and merely watch as your hp hits 0!" You reference some of the stuff stashed under your bed. You ought to get around to playing those games sometime.

"G...Go..."

"Go ahead on my own?"

"Go eat a dick, Shirou."

"Oh." You help Karen up. "Well, we need a plan now, since the bird isn't going to help us."

"The emu."

"Right."

"We should try getting help, maybe get some weapons to fight back with."

"Definitely, but this school is getting covered in white shit faster than a loli in a lewd doujin."

"Um, about your conduct..."

"Which place in this school can offer manpower and weapons...? Karen! Do we have an armory?"

"No."

"Fuck."

[] Head to the gym
[] Try the garden shed
[] Faculty office, maybe?
[] Uh, dorms

Garden Shed is a death flag.

We need to lift.

wait what where did like 80 chapters of this go

thelewa wrote:

wait what where did like 80 chapters of this go

I just went ahead and made this since most of the characters are already known and I wanted to do a different scenario for a bit.

Garden shed is full of pussy weapons
Faculty office is filled with old pussies
Dorm is filled with lazy pussies
Gym is fill with pussies attempting to not look like a pussy
Oh wait this is Australia. Never mind.

The gym should provide us with equipment and people with guts.

we need a flamethrower so go to the toolshed there has to be one.

garden shed

need a tiebreaker

Both

Let's try some more Bball. Gym

COME ON AND SLAM

i guess this is the second part, shall we continue?

It's not the second part, it's a side story and I don't have the drive to—ah fuck it



YOU HEAD OVER TO THE GYM, CLASS REP IN HAND.

Much to your not-surprise, there's Blanca shooting hoops like always. You can swear she's always better than the last time you walked in, but given how many times you've come here that must be an impossibility.

"Hey!" you call out to the beautiful yet potentially dangerous Polish girl. The distinguishable orange ball swishes through the hoop's strings as she turns over to you.

"Oh, Shirou!" Blanca starts waving "...and Karen."

She stops waving.

"This is no time for quarreling." Your rep cuts in. "We need help."

"Yeah, there's been an outbreak, or some shit it took me like a month to decide to go here I mea—"

"An outbreak? Zombies?!"

"...Deadly animals." Says Karen.

"Wha—How?"

"I'm not sure; there might be some kind of hole in the school perimeter, though it's unusual for so many creatures to show up here at once..."

"Hey, it's Australia. Anything can happen. Apparently." You chime in.

"We're in Australia?"

"Did you not get on an airport on your way from Poland to this school?" Says class rep.

"I wonder..."

"...Regardless, the next episode of Jojo will air tonight and I'll be damned if I miss it because I'm dead." You declare as you walk towards some bleachers. "What can we use to kill spiders here?"

"Um, there's —"

Blanca is cut off by the unpleasant hissing of spiders coming in from every corner in the gym. The three of you assume a defensive stance as spiders crawl out of the ceiling, the doorways, the floor, and the walls. Almost too suddenly, you're completely surrounded by annoying arachnids ready to wrap you in a cocoon and suck out your whatever-they-want-to-eat.

You sum up your thoughts on the situation and Australia in one word:

"Shit."

There must be something you can do, something only you can do exactly because you're here...!

[] Make like a tree and get the hell out of there
[] Grab Blanca's Blancas
[] Start shooting hoops into the spiders' rectums
[] Use your Command Seal

grab blanca's blancas

Baka hentai!

Command seal.

use Command Point Seal

"Well, I guess it's over." You declare as a spider latches onto your leg.

"Shirou, are you giving up?!" Karen's voice rings out as spiderwebs are shot between you and your party.

"Yeah, I'm giving up." A spider jumps on your face. You just focus on trudging over to Blanca.

"You can't give up, not here!" Karen keeps shouting out, probably while struggling with the unpleasant little creatures that prowl the Australian outback.

You can hear a distinct cry in front of you, the sound of your salvation.

"Yes, yes I can," you answer. "I can afford to give up because blurbrgeb—"

You plunge your arms through the webs and into Blanca's soft, heavenly rack as a spider shoves eggs down your throat. You puke them back out to the side and declare your victory:

"I DON'T NEED TO DO ANYTHING"

The spiders in your vicinity erupt into a cloud of flames as you unleash a hell that should not be unleashed on this earth. You're blown across the gym, listening to the pathetic sounds of dying spiders, and land on a pile of used gym socks. You get up with a mixed expression of glee and horror.

A few embers and webs remain here and there, but the spiders are long gone.

"Shirou...!" Blanca Alter charges at you. You don't like it when she does that but you're used to it.

She sweeps the ground beneath you and you jump up just as swiftly.

"What's wrong? AR 9 is harder to read than this—" She socks you in the face and you lose consciousness.


You wake up, beaten and battered in the same old dumpster. You're lying on top of a collection of Horse Porn Weekly and some moist dildos. As you come to, you can see Blanca meekly looking over you from a distance with Karen right next to her. Guess she reverted back. No problem though; another honk is all it would take.

"Did you have to do that?" Karen asks.

"Hell yeah I did. Sometimes, sexual harassment is the only way."

"Ugh." Karen slumps her shoulders. "Where to?"

Your head is still ringing a little bit, but you manage to formulate some options.

The giant spider is still in the main lobby, but who know what other dangers may be prowling on campus. You don't know if you're ready to take on Biggie yet anyway.

"T-There might be some people at the dorms that could help." Blanca mutters.

"We could also try the teachers' building." Karen adds.


Decisions, decisions.

[] Head to the student dorms
[] Head to the faculty building
[] Head to the garden shed
[] Head to the main hall

garden shed.

every well sorted australian shed has a military-class flamethrower.

the garden shed is where i will be going, thank you very much

the faculty and student dorms are filled with... this... odd scent