[overreacting]
I slammed my 3 notebooks over at the desk in front of my monitor...
...
...and for some reason right now I'm...
...just crying here...
I look back at everything, playing all the scenes that I have already both imagined and forcibly dreamed of... all of these writings...
I open my notebook. After 20 minutes, the only thing that's on the paper are tears...
Why can't I seem to rewrite it...? It's only a minor detail change, right...? Right...?
...for some reason, I don't think so. To make it simple, I'm having a hard time writing the story again to fit the minor change. There are just so much parts that don't sound as good as they are anymore...
The last time I even had a female as a lead character was in the only publicly published fanfic I wrote, Holy Dragoness of Darkness, around 4-5 years ago. I thought that it would at least give me a lead here, but the complete opposite is happening right now.
...yes I'm really overreacting about this, I'm sorry. <---- at least I'm aware of it
My mind even went so far as to thinking that everything I've done 'til now, for the past 6 months, have been all useless... All misses and no hits anymore, already writing a falsification of an already falsified fantasy world...
And now I don't even have the courage to ask Mirai about everyone's gender; where's my ability to man up to anything I convict myself to now...? I can't face her now that I know that I've done such a heavy sin...
I'm... such a jerk...
These notebooks are not worthy to be written on by my hand anymore...!
[/overreacting]
Well, I have to head to sleep... I wasn't able to sleep yesterday due to so much stuff happening, especially life eating up all of my sleeping time again due to one heavy milestone in school ._. The shock from yesterday's discovery, the sudden activation of my instincts, the frustrations given to the project I've been doing since forever ago, someone at GCC seemingly leaving for good due to what I've done, and me being unable to talk to Mirai straight anymore...! It's just too much for me, I guess. I guess I need a really long time to recover from all this...
It's this time where I wish a god can punish me. I'm not helping solve my own problem by crying over here... Weakness, the greatest sin of all...
...
Will try to re-write the prologue as soon as possible, after I finish a minor one-shot on a (not so) original story that I have to submit before tomorrow, which I'll also post here since it's very on-topic anyway
(god damn it why isn't there an emo Kechadon avatar I can use right now...)