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[Archived] osu remains offline

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Fangirl
I've made a thread before ( t/680996 this is it) and I got a reply or two and then silence. I've spent the last months playing osu offline but man, this is unrewarding. Came back here hoping for a solution, and the only thing I have managed to find is https://osu.ppy.sh/community/forums/topics/681657 this thread. And I can't even do that! After choosing the localization I just get "Hi! An error occurred! Please check your internet connection!" Miss thing ain't realize my internet connection is fine and going. If Norton security scan and the firewall were people they'd be getting a panic attack with how much they're yelling at me to turn them back on but I've taken them all down, osu is an exception in the firewall too, it's allowed through everything I could find, I even tried updating the internet drivers (they were fine). I've tried all the betas and cutting edges, they just won't even turn on. I've even tried logging off, waiting a couple of minutes, turning the client back on, that thing and all that's done is logged me off so now I'm stuck as a guest.

Please. I'm pulling my hair out of my head. I just want osu to work. I've been playing for seven years. Seven long, long years, mates. I've never had such problems. Please at least yell at me for being a blind idiot and point me to someone else's thread where this has been resolved. I swear I'm gonna buy a coffee everyone who helps solve this.
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