Knowing I have the money to go meet my bf but never being allowed to go because my mother is too bipolar about it
Pretty much thisChiuyo wrote:
Haven't been able to sleep at all, I'm so afraid to lose the only person that actually makes me happy.
glad to hearsukiNathan wrote:
Woke up with this earache, felt like it was about to explode, it's ok now though c:
Stay strong, mate. I am not quite happy with my life either, and I really regret some things in the past, but no one can change it...AJ-FreakS wrote:
while reminiscing what I have done from the past month, wrong decisions and stuffs like that.
My life...
what a life...
Toutes mes pensées sont avec vous, cousins français._Gezo_ wrote:
The whole country is bereaved as three people have killed 12 people in the well-known satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo office. They have been killed by extremist Islamic people, basically for their work.
A lot of big figures have shown a lot of support towards their families (big political figures throughout the world), mine goes as well.
Some people even qualify this as the "little September 11th", you know what teat means.
Katze wrote:
Thank you guys very much for your encouraging words, but I think everything got worse..Update on my situationThank you for reading again. I really need to get these things off my chest, since no one listens to me anywhere else. I'm really worried and I'd appreciate some nice words. It really helps more than you guys think. Thank you once again.I only worked two days last week since christmas, but these two days were enough to ruin nearly a week of vacation. I was invited to get some feedback from our teamleader, so I sat down and listened to her words. She told me that there is actually a learning curve, but its very small. Things aren't working out as they expected. She told me that I'm missing the logic things, which means looking at the things customers send and immediately knowing what to do with these. I know that since I started to go to school. Math was always a horrible thing for me, but I was really good with languages and all the creative stuff. I told her that I didn't want to make excuses by saying that it's harder for me since I just came fresh from school, without working anywhere else inbetween. She just brushed me off and said "Yeah, there are other people from your school and they got the hang out of it too." - very encouraging words, I must say! I got very frustrated and sad but just took it. What was I supposed to do? So I just asked her for a few more tips, and she just told me to ask my co-worker. I entered out Setup, and started to talk to my co-worker. After a few words, I started crying. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I swore to myself that I'd never cry at work, but at this moment, there was no other choice for me. She said that I should calm down, and after that, we could talk. So I tried to actually calm down but I couldn't. After a few minutes, everything was a bit, but only a little bit better. I could talk normally again, and asked her for tips. She replied that she couldn't teach me logical thinking, I need to learn that by myself, and that every beginning is hard. She felt sorry for me, but that was the last thing I wanted, since I work there too, and I wanted to be treated like a normal employed person too. So we talked for half an hour, and I felt a little bit better. Last day of work isn't worth talking about, nothing happened. I spent the six days of my vacation driving around the country, without a single minute for myself. I got stressed out, my skin got worse, I lost my appetite and I'm really nervous all of the time. I'm shaking, there is no day without stomache- or headache. I tried to talk to my boyfriend but he just said that I need to get my shit together. My family just tells me to "Think positive!". There is no person I can talk to who gives me encouraging words. I can't eat anymore. I needed to relax for a few days, but I only got a few hours out of six days. I'll leave for work in less than an hour, and I'm about to faint. I'm supposed to start making phonecalls today. I'm so nervous, I don't want to go. My co-worker is on vacation this week and there is another person taking care of me for the rest of the week. I have to work until 7 today. One more day and I'll be home for another two days. For New Year's. I envy the people who enjoy their job. I still need help.
I felt like this for years up until now Numbers (or in your case letters) on a shitty piece of paper are deciding about how important you are, what you can accomplish later in life, your WORTH..!!!TheNekoNextDoor wrote:
I need help. I am letting test grades decide what I'm worth, and beating myself up over it. I'm so close to giving up completely and losing my mind. If I fail the maths upcoming maths test (WHICH IS ON MY BIRTHDAY, EVEN WORSE), I'm lost.
Yeah. What's the point of scary exams? They scare me right through. I've had loads lately, and it stresses me out so muchMono98 wrote:
I felt like this for years up until now Numbers (or in your case letters) on a shitty piece of paper are deciding about how important you are, what you can accomplish later in life, your WORTH..!!!TheNekoNextDoor wrote:
I need help. I am letting test grades decide what I'm worth, and beating myself up over it. I'm so close to giving up completely and losing my mind. If I fail the maths upcoming maths test (WHICH IS ON MY BIRTHDAY, EVEN WORSE), I'm lost.
It's almost as if we are all pieces of paper in a money factory,
hoping we will get the highest amount possible printed on us,
while getting crumpled on the inside
That's extremely unfair and immoral and I'm sorry you still have to tolerate this. Your co-worker has apparently never grown up from the elementary school bully times, which is really sad and unfortunate. I'm not exactly sure about if you can contact your boss about this or something, but you definitely should let someone know, a psychologist or, if possible, the boss, for example. Sorry to hear that the people you've tried to talk with about this won't take you seriously, can't really understand that a single bit, but I'm sure they would stop belittling the situation if they understood it a bit better, like I do after reading the text. Like I said before, you can never elaborate the events too much. They would have to believe you if they knew as much as I do. This is something that you don't deserve and should never experience and I hope you'll find a way out. All I can do is wishing you the best with everything - getting your close people to understand, getting your co-worker to stop being a massive asshole, getting more people to help with everything etc.Katze wrote:
another updatei couldn't think of a situation that is worse than the one i'm currently in. but surprise, there is more!
last week, the co-worker whom is my teacher was on vacation, so there was only another boy with me in the office. he was talking to me, and we laughed and had fun. i started to think that it may not be so bad to work here, maybe they are only stressed because of christmas and all that. on monday, the other co-worker didn't come since there wasn't much to do, and i felt really relaxed since the other people in the office are really nice. i worked by myself and answered e-mails alone (i was never allowed to do that, i dont know why) and i enjoyed working like that. yesterday, this asshole came back, and it got bad again. she needs to control everything i do. none of the products i work on are right, there is always something wrong because i'm not working the way SHE wants. i started to feel like shit again, worthless and sad. which is stupid since i only started to feel a little bit better last week. so i was under her palm again. (i may not said it in my previous posts but i'll do it now: none of my co-workers talk to me, they never wait for me when they see me, and they hardly wish me a good morning when they see me alone so i'm really lonely there and i only talk to girls from the other office in my breaks, they are really really nice tho) so i spend my nine hours there sitting, waiting for her to control my stuff and looking out of thw window. i'm not eating much and people constantly ask me if i'm sick since my skin is paler than usual and i always look (and am) tired. yesterday, i was on the urge of crying again. i had to create a stamp for a customer, and she never told me how to do that. not where to start, nothing. normally we are five people in the office, but we were only three since the other two left earlier. it was the last hour for me and i was looking forward to the weekend. so she looked over my shoulder again to control everything i do. i wasn't familiar with in-design that much since we didn't learn enough about it in school, and we didn't work that much with it. so i asked her to help me and she said: well, i thought you learned that in school? (i was in the only "media-school" in austria, its really big and nearly everyone knows it, she wasn't accepted into it, but i was) i said no since our teacher worked with mostly photoshop. after she told me exactly where to move my mouse and which button to press, she got impatient again and told me to close it and she'll do it. she went to the toilet and i was sad but not only sad, i was angry. because now she starts mocking me. i'm not HER slave. she has no right to talk sarcastic to me, she thinks i'm STUPID. when she came back, i told her that there is a difference between learning the job we're in or going to school where you learn a bit of everything. she said the same thing to me, the sentence she always says: (another co-worker in out office learned a different job, not related to media-design, we call him tom now) well, tom didn't learn that job either, he got the hang out of it too, didn't he? why can't you do it? i didn't explain it to you because you came from said school so? i felt myself pinned against a wall. i was upsed but i didn't want to fight with her since thats not what you do so i shut up. suddently, the other co-worker who worked with me last week, started to talk too and it felt like i was in an exam. he said: well i thought you learn that in the school you went to? photoshop? that has nothing to do with media-design. he continued explaining things i learned when i went to school. so they both threw their shit at me and i couldn't do anything against me. it felt like i was being bullied. i answered him but i don't remember what i said anymore since i didn't want to continue the conversation. when i left the office, i wanted to drive home by myself, since i need 1000km for my drivers-license and my mother was there waiting for me. i couldn't drive because as soon as i opened the door of the car, i started crying. i talked to my mother about the issue and she said i should go and talk to the team-leader. i came home, ate a little bit and waited for my boyfriend to come home. i explained things to him, and he said maybe they just make jokes. today i have to go to this stupid festival, where we celebrate the beginning of the new year with the company. i don't want to go. i'll be alone for six hours, sitting there with no one talking to me. i'm AFRAID of going to work on monday. these people scare me. i'm looking for help, but the people i trust just tell me to get "a thicker skin" and that i should stop crying over everything. i feel really alone and i don't want to do anything anymore.
sorry if you guys may not know what i'm talking about since i'm in a bit of a hurry right now. but i wanted to get this off my chest again. it starts to get worse to the point where i just want to be alone again. like two years ago.
Katze wrote:
another updatei couldn't think of a situation that is worse than the one i'm currently in. but surprise, there is more!
last week, the co-worker whom is my teacher was on vacation, so there was only another boy with me in the office. he was talking to me, and we laughed and had fun. i started to think that it may not be so bad to work here, maybe they are only stressed because of christmas and all that. on monday, the other co-worker didn't come since there wasn't much to do, and i felt really relaxed since the other people in the office are really nice. i worked by myself and answered e-mails alone (i was never allowed to do that, i dont know why) and i enjoyed working like that. yesterday, this asshole came back, and it got bad again. she needs to control everything i do. none of the products i work on are right, there is always something wrong because i'm not working the way SHE wants. i started to feel like shit again, worthless and sad. which is stupid since i only started to feel a little bit better last week. so i was under her palm again. (i may not said it in my previous posts but i'll do it now: none of my co-workers talk to me, they never wait for me when they see me, and they hardly wish me a good morning when they see me alone so i'm really lonely there and i only talk to girls from the other office in my breaks, they are really really nice tho) so i spend my nine hours there sitting, waiting for her to control my stuff and looking out of thw window. i'm not eating much and people constantly ask me if i'm sick since my skin is paler than usual and i always look (and am) tired. yesterday, i was on the urge of crying again. i had to create a stamp for a customer, and she never told me how to do that. not where to start, nothing. normally we are five people in the office, but we were only three since the other two left earlier. it was the last hour for me and i was looking forward to the weekend. so she looked over my shoulder again to control everything i do. i wasn't familiar with in-design that much since we didn't learn enough about it in school, and we didn't work that much with it. so i asked her to help me and she said: well, i thought you learned that in school? (i was in the only "media-school" in austria, its really big and nearly everyone knows it, she wasn't accepted into it, but i was) i said no since our teacher worked with mostly photoshop. after she told me exactly where to move my mouse and which button to press, she got impatient again and told me to close it and she'll do it. she went to the toilet and i was sad but not only sad, i was angry. because now she starts mocking me. i'm not HER slave. she has no right to talk sarcastic to me, she thinks i'm STUPID. when she came back, i told her that there is a difference between learning the job we're in or going to school where you learn a bit of everything. she said the same thing to me, the sentence she always says: (another co-worker in out office learned a different job, not related to media-design, we call him tom now) well, tom didn't learn that job either, he got the hang out of it too, didn't he? why can't you do it? i didn't explain it to you because you came from said school so? i felt myself pinned against a wall. i was upsed but i didn't want to fight with her since thats not what you do so i shut up. suddently, the other co-worker who worked with me last week, started to talk too and it felt like i was in an exam. he said: well i thought you learn that in the school you went to? photoshop? that has nothing to do with media-design. he continued explaining things i learned when i went to school. so they both threw their shit at me and i couldn't do anything against me. it felt like i was being bullied. i answered him but i don't remember what i said anymore since i didn't want to continue the conversation. when i left the office, i wanted to drive home by myself, since i need 1000km for my drivers-license and my mother was there waiting for me. i couldn't drive because as soon as i opened the door of the car, i started crying. i talked to my mother about the issue and she said i should go and talk to the team-leader. i came home, ate a little bit and waited for my boyfriend to come home. i explained things to him, and he said maybe they just make jokes. today i have to go to this stupid festival, where we celebrate the beginning of the new year with the company. i don't want to go. i'll be alone for six hours, sitting there with no one talking to me. i'm AFRAID of going to work on monday. these people scare me. i'm looking for help, but the people i trust just tell me to get "a thicker skin" and that i should stop crying over everything. i feel really alone and i don't want to do anything anymore.
sorry if you guys may not know what i'm talking about since i'm in a bit of a hurry right now. but i wanted to get this off my chest again. it starts to get worse to the point where i just want to be alone again. like two years ago.
Since it's in german, you don't have much to care what I write. Also it's easier for me. :pKatze wrote:
another updatei couldn't think of a situation that is worse than the one i'm currently in. but surprise, there is more!
last week, the co-worker whom is my teacher was on vacation, so there was only another boy with me in the office. he was talking to me, and we laughed and had fun. i started to think that it may not be so bad to work here, maybe they are only stressed because of christmas and all that. on monday, the other co-worker didn't come since there wasn't much to do, and i felt really relaxed since the other people in the office are really nice. i worked by myself and answered e-mails alone (i was never allowed to do that, i dont know why) and i enjoyed working like that. yesterday, this asshole came back, and it got bad again. she needs to control everything i do. none of the products i work on are right, there is always something wrong because i'm not working the way SHE wants. i started to feel like shit again, worthless and sad. which is stupid since i only started to feel a little bit better last week. so i was under her palm again. (i may not said it in my previous posts but i'll do it now: none of my co-workers talk to me, they never wait for me when they see me, and they hardly wish me a good morning when they see me alone so i'm really lonely there and i only talk to girls from the other office in my breaks, they are really really nice tho) so i spend my nine hours there sitting, waiting for her to control my stuff and looking out of thw window. i'm not eating much and people constantly ask me if i'm sick since my skin is paler than usual and i always look (and am) tired. yesterday, i was on the urge of crying again. i had to create a stamp for a customer, and she never told me how to do that. not where to start, nothing. normally we are five people in the office, but we were only three since the other two left earlier. it was the last hour for me and i was looking forward to the weekend. so she looked over my shoulder again to control everything i do. i wasn't familiar with in-design that much since we didn't learn enough about it in school, and we didn't work that much with it. so i asked her to help me and she said: well, i thought you learned that in school? (i was in the only "media-school" in austria, its really big and nearly everyone knows it, she wasn't accepted into it, but i was) i said no since our teacher worked with mostly photoshop. after she told me exactly where to move my mouse and which button to press, she got impatient again and told me to close it and she'll do it. she went to the toilet and i was sad but not only sad, i was angry. because now she starts mocking me. i'm not HER slave. she has no right to talk sarcastic to me, she thinks i'm STUPID. when she came back, i told her that there is a difference between learning the job we're in or going to school where you learn a bit of everything. she said the same thing to me, the sentence she always says: (another co-worker in out office learned a different job, not related to media-design, we call him tom now) well, tom didn't learn that job either, he got the hang out of it too, didn't he? why can't you do it? i didn't explain it to you because you came from said school so? i felt myself pinned against a wall. i was upsed but i didn't want to fight with her since thats not what you do so i shut up. suddently, the other co-worker who worked with me last week, started to talk too and it felt like i was in an exam. he said: well i thought you learn that in the school you went to? photoshop? that has nothing to do with media-design. he continued explaining things i learned when i went to school. so they both threw their shit at me and i couldn't do anything against me. it felt like i was being bullied. i answered him but i don't remember what i said anymore since i didn't want to continue the conversation. when i left the office, i wanted to drive home by myself, since i need 1000km for my drivers-license and my mother was there waiting for me. i couldn't drive because as soon as i opened the door of the car, i started crying. i talked to my mother about the issue and she said i should go and talk to the team-leader. i came home, ate a little bit and waited for my boyfriend to come home. i explained things to him, and he said maybe they just make jokes. today i have to go to this stupid festival, where we celebrate the beginning of the new year with the company. i don't want to go. i'll be alone for six hours, sitting there with no one talking to me. i'm AFRAID of going to work on monday. these people scare me. i'm looking for help, but the people i trust just tell me to get "a thicker skin" and that i should stop crying over everything. i feel really alone and i don't want to do anything anymore.
sorry if you guys may not know what i'm talking about since i'm in a bit of a hurry right now. but i wanted to get this off my chest again. it starts to get worse to the point where i just want to be alone again. like two years ago.
something tells me you've never talked to a girl and/or don't know what being a girl is likeKheldragar wrote:
The fact I'm not a girl.
If you knew what having a period is like you'd prolly cryKheldragar wrote:
The fact I'm not a girl.
I never cried when I had my period, back to the threadKyonko Hizara wrote:
If you knew what having a period is like you'd prolly cryKheldragar wrote:
The fact I'm not a girl.
That second part is redundant.YayMii wrote:
Lost my phone's portable charger after class... I headed back only to begin panicking after realizing that I was too late, and it caused me to miss my train and end up meeting with my senpai more than half an hour late, just as her new friends were leavingsomething tells me you've never talked to a girl and/or don't know what being a girl is likeKheldragar wrote:
The fact I'm not a girl.
I almost cried just by watching someone during her period... differs for everyone I guessLapis Aoki wrote:
I never cried when I had my period
How so? Do they not teach this stuff at school where you live? You don't need female friends to know how painful a period can be.Kheldragar wrote:
That second part is redundant.YayMii wrote:
something tells me you've never talked to a girl and/or don't know what being a girl is like