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What made you cry today?
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Got a message from a friend saying that I mean a lot, and that she's always there for me if I need her.
Just the words made me so warm and happy, but at the same time sad.
Just the words made me so warm and happy, but at the same time sad.
/snip
Thank you guys very much for your encouraging words, but I think everything got worse..
Update on my situation
Thank you for reading again. I really need to get these things off my chest, since no one listens to me anywhere else. I'm really worried and I'd appreciate some nice words. It really helps more than you guys think. Thank you once again.I only worked two days last week since christmas, but these two days were enough to ruin nearly a week of vacation. I was invited to get some feedback from our teamleader, so I sat down and listened to her words. She told me that there is actually a learning curve, but its very small. Things aren't working out as they expected. She told me that I'm missing the logic things, which means looking at the things customers send and immediately knowing what to do with these. I know that since I started to go to school. Math was always a horrible thing for me, but I was really good with languages and all the creative stuff. I told her that I didn't want to make excuses by saying that it's harder for me since I just came fresh from school, without working anywhere else inbetween. She just brushed me off and said "Yeah, there are other people from your school and they got the hang out of it too." - very encouraging words, I must say! I got very frustrated and sad but just took it. What was I supposed to do? So I just asked her for a few more tips, and she just told me to ask my co-worker. I entered out Setup, and started to talk to my co-worker. After a few words, I started crying. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I swore to myself that I'd never cry at work, but at this moment, there was no other choice for me. She said that I should calm down, and after that, we could talk. So I tried to actually calm down but I couldn't. After a few minutes, everything was a bit, but only a little bit better. I could talk normally again, and asked her for tips. She replied that she couldn't teach me logical thinking, I need to learn that by myself, and that every beginning is hard. She felt sorry for me, but that was the last thing I wanted, since I work there too, and I wanted to be treated like a normal employed person too. So we talked for half an hour, and I felt a little bit better. Last day of work isn't worth talking about, nothing happened. I spent the six days of my vacation driving around the country, without a single minute for myself. I got stressed out, my skin got worse, I lost my appetite and I'm really nervous all of the time. I'm shaking, there is no day without stomache- or headache. I tried to talk to my boyfriend but he just said that I need to get my shit together. My family just tells me to "Think positive!". There is no person I can talk to who gives me encouraging words. I can't eat anymore. I needed to relax for a few days, but I only got a few hours out of six days. I'll leave for work in less than an hour, and I'm about to faint. I'm supposed to start making phonecalls today. I'm so nervous, I don't want to go. My co-worker is on vacation this week and there is another person taking care of me for the rest of the week. I have to work until 7 today. One more day and I'll be home for another two days. For New Year's. I envy the people who enjoy their job. I still need help.
Again, sorry that all this is happening to you, I absolutely can't understand why are people treating you like shit. You don't deserve this.Katze wrote:
Thank you guys very much for your encouraging words, but I think everything got worse..Update on my situationThank you for reading again. I really need to get these things off my chest, since no one listens to me anywhere else. I'm really worried and I'd appreciate some nice words. It really helps more than you guys think. Thank you once again.I only worked two days last week since christmas, but these two days were enough to ruin nearly a week of vacation. I was invited to get some feedback from our teamleader, so I sat down and listened to her words. She told me that there is actually a learning curve, but its very small. Things aren't working out as they expected. She told me that I'm missing the logic things, which means looking at the things customers send and immediately knowing what to do with these. I know that since I started to go to school. Math was always a horrible thing for me, but I was really good with languages and all the creative stuff. I told her that I didn't want to make excuses by saying that it's harder for me since I just came fresh from school, without working anywhere else inbetween. She just brushed me off and said "Yeah, there are other people from your school and they got the hang out of it too." - very encouraging words, I must say! I got very frustrated and sad but just took it. What was I supposed to do? So I just asked her for a few more tips, and she just told me to ask my co-worker. I entered out Setup, and started to talk to my co-worker. After a few words, I started crying. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I swore to myself that I'd never cry at work, but at this moment, there was no other choice for me. She said that I should calm down, and after that, we could talk. So I tried to actually calm down but I couldn't. After a few minutes, everything was a bit, but only a little bit better. I could talk normally again, and asked her for tips. She replied that she couldn't teach me logical thinking, I need to learn that by myself, and that every beginning is hard. She felt sorry for me, but that was the last thing I wanted, since I work there too, and I wanted to be treated like a normal employed person too. So we talked for half an hour, and I felt a little bit better. Last day of work isn't worth talking about, nothing happened. I spent the six days of my vacation driving around the country, without a single minute for myself. I got stressed out, my skin got worse, I lost my appetite and I'm really nervous all of the time. I'm shaking, there is no day without stomache- or headache. I tried to talk to my boyfriend but he just said that I need to get my shit together. My family just tells me to "Think positive!". There is no person I can talk to who gives me encouraging words. I can't eat anymore. I needed to relax for a few days, but I only got a few hours out of six days. I'll leave for work in less than an hour, and I'm about to faint. I'm supposed to start making phonecalls today. I'm so nervous, I don't want to go. My co-worker is on vacation this week and there is another person taking care of me for the rest of the week. I have to work until 7 today. One more day and I'll be home for another two days. For New Year's. I envy the people who enjoy their job. I still need help.
If it's not too much, you should try to talk about this again with both your parents and your boyfriend and really elaborate everything in-depth. They should be the last people to not understand how serious it actually is.
Take care and feel free to PM me anytime. I'm terrible at public replies, sorry.
Incoming wall of text
SPOILER
First lemme start with my childhood, when I was still little my parents lived separately(they weren't divorced) because my mother has a certain sickness (which is also related as to why she tried to kill me/attacked me when I was 14). So my week goes like this, weekdays I go to school and go home to my father then on Friday night I go to my mother, who is living with her sister/my aunt, my father goes with me and then leaves me there until he fetches me Sunday night. It was a confusing stage, I didn't know why we had to do that but every time my father leaves me at my mother's I always cry really hard, and I haven't realized how much it hurt my mother because me crying means I don't like staying with her. That routine continued until I don't know when.
And now I have a little sister (she's 3 y/o), and for the same reason above (mother's sickness) she had to stay to another sister of my mother/another aunt. After a few weeks she was born she already stayed there and it hurts me a lot inside seeing my parents miss her so much and whenever they think that in the future she might hate them since they we'rent able to take care of her when she was little.
She stays with us during vacations since it's the only time I can help in taking care of her. And we all know she likes staying in our house because a while ago when she was going back to my aunt's, she said she didn't wanna go and she wants to go back to our house. Seeing her almost ready to cry reminded me of the times my father left me with my mother and it reminded me how hurt my mother is.
I just hope she won't hate our parents in the future and I hope that she still thinks of our parents as her real parents.
And now I have a little sister (she's 3 y/o), and for the same reason above (mother's sickness) she had to stay to another sister of my mother/another aunt. After a few weeks she was born she already stayed there and it hurts me a lot inside seeing my parents miss her so much and whenever they think that in the future she might hate them since they we'rent able to take care of her when she was little.
She stays with us during vacations since it's the only time I can help in taking care of her. And we all know she likes staying in our house because a while ago when she was going back to my aunt's, she said she didn't wanna go and she wants to go back to our house. Seeing her almost ready to cry reminded me of the times my father left me with my mother and it reminded me how hurt my mother is.
I just hope she won't hate our parents in the future and I hope that she still thinks of our parents as her real parents.
Knowing I have the money to go meet my bf but never being allowed to go because my mother is too bipolar about it
I hope this isn't too long, if it is then I apologize and hope I can prevent too wall-ishy walls of texts in the future of if I'm drifting off the topic too much or any of these things, but anyway here is basically what happened:
My own mind is poisoning my conscience about all these cheesy love matters and stuff :c
SPOILER
Or, TL;DR:All I did was thinking about the fact that there's a new year and everything now, I have my resolutions to work on and get along with school but that's not a big problem, really. However I'm a person who tends to live anywhere except in the present, so it just hit my mind that in February there's that infamous spot you all know as Valentine's Day again, as there is anually...
Of course it's not a big deal for the most people, some just enjoy the day with their special someone they have and I feel happy for them, some spend the day alone but can accept it and not mind it, but the matter is completely different for myself;
Since the way my mind works is significantly different from others' (explaining would probably become too off-topic so I'll leave it), it just tends to push thoughts into my conscience such as:
"O have you ever thought about again about the fact how violently all of your past relationships ended and about the reasons, your faults you made without even having noticed a thing (however that might just be because you're so ignorant) and blah blah blah"
"That you're just not worth anyone as all of your fails have proven"
"Why would anyone want to be together with you anyway, you're a horrible person"
"Should I remind you that you've kind of proven that some people are just too clumsy or plainly don't deserve being with someone blah blah"
"And maybe I just guide your eyes onto recent events again and how said events completely destructed you in the end"
So basically it's that my pretty unorthodox working mind (and I'm not going to mention the influences by its sicknesses) keeps bombing me with those toxic and abnormally exaggerated yet in core not too far fetched thoughts, and...
it get's especially bad when it comes to relationships because I'm a heavily emotionally driven person, with my heart almost always craving for someone else who could fit in the spot of a special someone, especially if the previous one was ripped out violently because of xyz
And to be quite honest it does sting me a little to see how others, or even the mentioned people to whom I used to be a special someone, are being all happy with their current partner, I mean of course there's jealousy raging in me but at least I can also accept it for the most part and be happy for them too, yet I can't guarantee that I always can be...
In the end I just end up thinking about such things and even deeper ones than these on a definitely unhealthy niveau, so I hope you don't take it as too melodramatic or immature or whatever of me to have to just start crying when such a bombardement happens to me
Of course it's not a big deal for the most people, some just enjoy the day with their special someone they have and I feel happy for them, some spend the day alone but can accept it and not mind it, but the matter is completely different for myself;
Since the way my mind works is significantly different from others' (explaining would probably become too off-topic so I'll leave it), it just tends to push thoughts into my conscience such as:
"O have you ever thought about again about the fact how violently all of your past relationships ended and about the reasons, your faults you made without even having noticed a thing (however that might just be because you're so ignorant) and blah blah blah"
"That you're just not worth anyone as all of your fails have proven"
"Why would anyone want to be together with you anyway, you're a horrible person"
"Should I remind you that you've kind of proven that some people are just too clumsy or plainly don't deserve being with someone blah blah"
"And maybe I just guide your eyes onto recent events again and how said events completely destructed you in the end"
So basically it's that my pretty unorthodox working mind (and I'm not going to mention the influences by its sicknesses) keeps bombing me with those toxic and abnormally exaggerated yet in core not too far fetched thoughts, and...
it get's especially bad when it comes to relationships because I'm a heavily emotionally driven person, with my heart almost always craving for someone else who could fit in the spot of a special someone, especially if the previous one was ripped out violently because of xyz
And to be quite honest it does sting me a little to see how others, or even the mentioned people to whom I used to be a special someone, are being all happy with their current partner, I mean of course there's jealousy raging in me but at least I can also accept it for the most part and be happy for them too, yet I can't guarantee that I always can be...
In the end I just end up thinking about such things and even deeper ones than these on a definitely unhealthy niveau, so I hope you don't take it as too melodramatic or immature or whatever of me to have to just start crying when such a bombardement happens to me
My own mind is poisoning my conscience about all these cheesy love matters and stuff :c
Maths. Not even joking.
Oh, and on the inside probably the fact that school starts again in 2 days............. More headaches, more stress, less freetime, yaaaaaay... so opressive and it seemes that I am the only one who really takes that down in my class..
Oh, and on the inside probably the fact that school starts again in 2 days............. More headaches, more stress, less freetime, yaaaaaay... so opressive and it seemes that I am the only one who really takes that down in my class..
Pretty much thisChiuyo wrote:
Haven't been able to sleep at all, I'm so afraid to lose the only person that actually makes me happy.
Woke up with this earache, felt like it was about to explode, it's ok now though c:
glad to hearsukiNathan wrote:
Woke up with this earache, felt like it was about to explode, it's ok now though c:
AJ-FreakS
Stay strong, mate. I am not quite happy with my life either, and I really regret some things in the past, but no one can change it...AJ-FreakS wrote:
while reminiscing what I have done from the past month, wrong decisions and stuffs like that.
My life...
what a life...
But people can help you feel better! Talk to someone, or PM me or something, it's better than keeping it inside of you. It'll hurt you, sooner or later.
>> Anyone with problems can PM me anytime <<
The whole country is bereaved as three people have killed 12 people in the well-known satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo office. They have been killed by extremist Islamic people, basically for their work.
A lot of big figures have shown a lot of support towards their families (big political figures throughout the world), mine goes as well.
Some people even qualify this as the "little September 11th", you know what teat means.
A lot of big figures have shown a lot of support towards their families (big political figures throughout the world), mine goes as well.
Some people even qualify this as the "little September 11th", you know what teat means.
Toutes mes pensées sont avec vous, cousins français._Gezo_ wrote:
The whole country is bereaved as three people have killed 12 people in the well-known satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo office. They have been killed by extremist Islamic people, basically for their work.
A lot of big figures have shown a lot of support towards their families (big political figures throughout the world), mine goes as well.
Some people even qualify this as the "little September 11th", you know what teat means.
Topic Starter
Having a runny nose.
Nah.
Psycho-Pass. That's it.
I'd probably elaborate in the near future since I'm still crying. F.
Nah.
Psycho-Pass. That's it.
I'd probably elaborate in the near future since I'm still crying. F.
Katze wrote:
Thank you guys very much for your encouraging words, but I think everything got worse..Update on my situationThank you for reading again. I really need to get these things off my chest, since no one listens to me anywhere else. I'm really worried and I'd appreciate some nice words. It really helps more than you guys think. Thank you once again.I only worked two days last week since christmas, but these two days were enough to ruin nearly a week of vacation. I was invited to get some feedback from our teamleader, so I sat down and listened to her words. She told me that there is actually a learning curve, but its very small. Things aren't working out as they expected. She told me that I'm missing the logic things, which means looking at the things customers send and immediately knowing what to do with these. I know that since I started to go to school. Math was always a horrible thing for me, but I was really good with languages and all the creative stuff. I told her that I didn't want to make excuses by saying that it's harder for me since I just came fresh from school, without working anywhere else inbetween. She just brushed me off and said "Yeah, there are other people from your school and they got the hang out of it too." - very encouraging words, I must say! I got very frustrated and sad but just took it. What was I supposed to do? So I just asked her for a few more tips, and she just told me to ask my co-worker. I entered out Setup, and started to talk to my co-worker. After a few words, I started crying. I couldn't hold it back anymore. I swore to myself that I'd never cry at work, but at this moment, there was no other choice for me. She said that I should calm down, and after that, we could talk. So I tried to actually calm down but I couldn't. After a few minutes, everything was a bit, but only a little bit better. I could talk normally again, and asked her for tips. She replied that she couldn't teach me logical thinking, I need to learn that by myself, and that every beginning is hard. She felt sorry for me, but that was the last thing I wanted, since I work there too, and I wanted to be treated like a normal employed person too. So we talked for half an hour, and I felt a little bit better. Last day of work isn't worth talking about, nothing happened. I spent the six days of my vacation driving around the country, without a single minute for myself. I got stressed out, my skin got worse, I lost my appetite and I'm really nervous all of the time. I'm shaking, there is no day without stomache- or headache. I tried to talk to my boyfriend but he just said that I need to get my shit together. My family just tells me to "Think positive!". There is no person I can talk to who gives me encouraging words. I can't eat anymore. I needed to relax for a few days, but I only got a few hours out of six days. I'll leave for work in less than an hour, and I'm about to faint. I'm supposed to start making phonecalls today. I'm so nervous, I don't want to go. My co-worker is on vacation this week and there is another person taking care of me for the rest of the week. I have to work until 7 today. One more day and I'll be home for another two days. For New Year's. I envy the people who enjoy their job. I still need help.
long reply because
Katze, I can't believe this. You deserve so much more than this. You're a beautiful person, inside and out, and I'm sure they're just jealous of that. They can't face you straightforward, and they try to make you feel miserable by treating you like shit. I'd probably feel the same way you do if I were in your place. I'm not really good with advises, but one thing I'd like to tell you is that - it has been probably said a whole lot of times already - you need a break. You've got to tell someone your problems, especially your boyfriend or your parents. They're probably the only people who can console you, if they could hear what you're going through. Try to be more elaborate, and try to pour out your feelings and emotions as you speak with them. And a hug. Really. If I could just hug you, then I would. *bricked* You and I've been through a lot, and I know that no matter what, you can survive it. You can and will definitely "pull your shit together." You can surpass them, and you can be an ideal person in that workplace. Have faith and hope in yourself, and I'm sure you'll conquer everything. *sends virtual hugs* Again, you deserve so much more, Katze.
It's time to have a little mope.
Okay, a big mope.
So, on Tuesday, I had a science test (Biology - my weak point). I panicked a lot, as you can tell if you read my posts in the "What did you do to better yourself" thread. I didn't answer many questions, and got instantly worried about my overall result.
I got my paper back, and I got an F+ mark. WAY lower than I would've wanted, and also my second F grade in a row in an end of unit test. (Note this is at GCSE level). I AM ABSOLUTELY AND UTTERLY DEVASTATED.
Plus we had a horrible supply teacher, which made things a LOT worse (actually one of the few times where I actually HATED a teacher)
I just checked on a service my school uses where I can check my levels, reward points, ect.
Due to my test level, my overall grade has dropped to an E.
AND MY PARENTS WILL BE ABLE TO SEE THAT OVERALL GRADE.
I need help. I am letting test grades decide what I'm worth, and beating myself up over it. I'm so close to giving up completely and losing my mind. If I fail the maths upcoming maths test (WHICH IS ON MY BIRTHDAY, EVEN WORSE), I'm lost.
I JUST NEED SO MUCH HELP. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.
Okay, a big mope.
So, on Tuesday, I had a science test (Biology - my weak point). I panicked a lot, as you can tell if you read my posts in the "What did you do to better yourself" thread. I didn't answer many questions, and got instantly worried about my overall result.
I got my paper back, and I got an F+ mark. WAY lower than I would've wanted, and also my second F grade in a row in an end of unit test. (Note this is at GCSE level). I AM ABSOLUTELY AND UTTERLY DEVASTATED.
Plus we had a horrible supply teacher, which made things a LOT worse (actually one of the few times where I actually HATED a teacher)
I just checked on a service my school uses where I can check my levels, reward points, ect.
Due to my test level, my overall grade has dropped to an E.
AND MY PARENTS WILL BE ABLE TO SEE THAT OVERALL GRADE.
I need help. I am letting test grades decide what I'm worth, and beating myself up over it. I'm so close to giving up completely and losing my mind. If I fail the maths upcoming maths test (WHICH IS ON MY BIRTHDAY, EVEN WORSE), I'm lost.
I JUST NEED SO MUCH HELP. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.
I felt like this for years up until nowTheNekoNextDoor wrote:
I need help. I am letting test grades decide what I'm worth, and beating myself up over it. I'm so close to giving up completely and losing my mind. If I fail the maths upcoming maths test (WHICH IS ON MY BIRTHDAY, EVEN WORSE), I'm lost.
Numbers (or in your case letters) on a shitty piece of paper are deciding about how important you are, what you can accomplish later in life, your WORTH..!!!It's almost as if we are all pieces of paper in a money factory,
hoping we will get the highest amount possible printed on us,
while getting crumpled on the inside
Yeah. What's the point of scary exams? They scare me right through. I've had loads lately, and it stresses me out so muchMono98 wrote:
I felt like this for years up until nowTheNekoNextDoor wrote:
I need help. I am letting test grades decide what I'm worth, and beating myself up over it. I'm so close to giving up completely and losing my mind. If I fail the maths upcoming maths test (WHICH IS ON MY BIRTHDAY, EVEN WORSE), I'm lost.
It's almost as if we are all pieces of paper in a money factory,
hoping we will get the highest amount possible printed on us,
while getting crumpled on the inside
A girl named Leah, and yesterday, and the day before that... and the day before that... and the day before that... and the day before that... and the day before that... 6 hours later* and the day before that... and the day before that... and the day before that... and the day before that... I think.
I don't know. Psychologists found out, that our grading system almost only brings negative aspects with it:
1) It only motivates you if you are already good in the subject!! Most students get demotivated because of grades, in my country people suggest a school system without grades, you can get rated in other ways, too!
2) It kills creativity. To be creative you must be willing to make mistakes, and guess what's the worst thing that can happen to you during an exam? During class? During school? - Making a mistake
3) It may lead to depression and other mental illnesses.........
I could write more aspects, but I need to finish a text analysis... (not even joking)
1) It only motivates you if you are already good in the subject!! Most students get demotivated because of grades, in my country people suggest a school system without grades, you can get rated in other ways, too!
2) It kills creativity. To be creative you must be willing to make mistakes, and guess what's the worst thing that can happen to you during an exam? During class? During school? - Making a mistake
3) It may lead to depression and other mental illnesses.........
I could write more aspects, but I need to finish a text analysis... (not even joking)
another update
i couldn't think of a situation that is worse than the one i'm currently in. but surprise, there is more!
last week, the co-worker whom is my teacher was on vacation, so there was only another boy with me in the office. he was talking to me, and we laughed and had fun. i started to think that it may not be so bad to work here, maybe they are only stressed because of christmas and all that. on monday, the other co-worker didn't come since there wasn't much to do, and i felt really relaxed since the other people in the office are really nice. i worked by myself and answered e-mails alone (i was never allowed to do that, i dont know why) and i enjoyed working like that. yesterday, this asshole came back, and it got bad again. she needs to control everything i do. none of the products i work on are right, there is always something wrong because i'm not working the way SHE wants. i started to feel like shit again, worthless and sad. which is stupid since i only started to feel a little bit better last week. so i was under her palm again. (i may not said it in my previous posts but i'll do it now: none of my co-workers talk to me, they never wait for me when they see me, and they hardly wish me a good morning when they see me alone so i'm really lonely there and i only talk to girls from the other office in my breaks, they are really really nice tho) so i spend my nine hours there sitting, waiting for her to control my stuff and looking out of thw window. i'm not eating much and people constantly ask me if i'm sick since my skin is paler than usual and i always look (and am) tired. yesterday, i was on the urge of crying again. i had to create a stamp for a customer, and she never told me how to do that. not where to start, nothing. normally we are five people in the office, but we were only three since the other two left earlier. it was the last hour for me and i was looking forward to the weekend. so she looked over my shoulder again to control everything i do. i wasn't familiar with in-design that much since we didn't learn enough about it in school, and we didn't work that much with it. so i asked her to help me and she said: well, i thought you learned that in school? (i was in the only "media-school" in austria, its really big and nearly everyone knows it, she wasn't accepted into it, but i was) i said no since our teacher worked with mostly photoshop. after she told me exactly where to move my mouse and which button to press, she got impatient again and told me to close it and she'll do it. she went to the toilet and i was sad but not only sad, i was angry. because now she starts mocking me. i'm not HER slave. she has no right to talk sarcastic to me, she thinks i'm STUPID. when she came back, i told her that there is a difference between learning the job we're in or going to school where you learn a bit of everything. she said the same thing to me, the sentence she always says: (another co-worker in out office learned a different job, not related to media-design, we call him tom now) well, tom didn't learn that job either, he got the hang out of it too, didn't he? why can't you do it? i didn't explain it to you because you came from said school so? i felt myself pinned against a wall. i was upsed but i didn't want to fight with her since thats not what you do so i shut up. suddently, the other co-worker who worked with me last week, started to talk too and it felt like i was in an exam. he said: well i thought you learn that in the school you went to? photoshop? that has nothing to do with media-design. he continued explaining things i learned when i went to school. so they both threw their shit at me and i couldn't do anything against me. it felt like i was being bullied. i answered him but i don't remember what i said anymore since i didn't want to continue the conversation. when i left the office, i wanted to drive home by myself, since i need 1000km for my drivers-license and my mother was there waiting for me. i couldn't drive because as soon as i opened the door of the car, i started crying. i talked to my mother about the issue and she said i should go and talk to the team-leader. i came home, ate a little bit and waited for my boyfriend to come home. i explained things to him, and he said maybe they just make jokes. today i have to go to this stupid festival, where we celebrate the beginning of the new year with the company. i don't want to go. i'll be alone for six hours, sitting there with no one talking to me. i'm AFRAID of going to work on monday. these people scare me. i'm looking for help, but the people i trust just tell me to get "a thicker skin" and that i should stop crying over everything. i feel really alone and i don't want to do anything anymore.
last week, the co-worker whom is my teacher was on vacation, so there was only another boy with me in the office. he was talking to me, and we laughed and had fun. i started to think that it may not be so bad to work here, maybe they are only stressed because of christmas and all that. on monday, the other co-worker didn't come since there wasn't much to do, and i felt really relaxed since the other people in the office are really nice. i worked by myself and answered e-mails alone (i was never allowed to do that, i dont know why) and i enjoyed working like that. yesterday, this asshole came back, and it got bad again. she needs to control everything i do. none of the products i work on are right, there is always something wrong because i'm not working the way SHE wants. i started to feel like shit again, worthless and sad. which is stupid since i only started to feel a little bit better last week. so i was under her palm again. (i may not said it in my previous posts but i'll do it now: none of my co-workers talk to me, they never wait for me when they see me, and they hardly wish me a good morning when they see me alone so i'm really lonely there and i only talk to girls from the other office in my breaks, they are really really nice tho) so i spend my nine hours there sitting, waiting for her to control my stuff and looking out of thw window. i'm not eating much and people constantly ask me if i'm sick since my skin is paler than usual and i always look (and am) tired. yesterday, i was on the urge of crying again. i had to create a stamp for a customer, and she never told me how to do that. not where to start, nothing. normally we are five people in the office, but we were only three since the other two left earlier. it was the last hour for me and i was looking forward to the weekend. so she looked over my shoulder again to control everything i do. i wasn't familiar with in-design that much since we didn't learn enough about it in school, and we didn't work that much with it. so i asked her to help me and she said: well, i thought you learned that in school? (i was in the only "media-school" in austria, its really big and nearly everyone knows it, she wasn't accepted into it, but i was) i said no since our teacher worked with mostly photoshop. after she told me exactly where to move my mouse and which button to press, she got impatient again and told me to close it and she'll do it. she went to the toilet and i was sad but not only sad, i was angry. because now she starts mocking me. i'm not HER slave. she has no right to talk sarcastic to me, she thinks i'm STUPID. when she came back, i told her that there is a difference between learning the job we're in or going to school where you learn a bit of everything. she said the same thing to me, the sentence she always says: (another co-worker in out office learned a different job, not related to media-design, we call him tom now) well, tom didn't learn that job either, he got the hang out of it too, didn't he? why can't you do it? i didn't explain it to you because you came from said school so? i felt myself pinned against a wall. i was upsed but i didn't want to fight with her since thats not what you do so i shut up. suddently, the other co-worker who worked with me last week, started to talk too and it felt like i was in an exam. he said: well i thought you learn that in the school you went to? photoshop? that has nothing to do with media-design. he continued explaining things i learned when i went to school. so they both threw their shit at me and i couldn't do anything against me. it felt like i was being bullied. i answered him but i don't remember what i said anymore since i didn't want to continue the conversation. when i left the office, i wanted to drive home by myself, since i need 1000km for my drivers-license and my mother was there waiting for me. i couldn't drive because as soon as i opened the door of the car, i started crying. i talked to my mother about the issue and she said i should go and talk to the team-leader. i came home, ate a little bit and waited for my boyfriend to come home. i explained things to him, and he said maybe they just make jokes. today i have to go to this stupid festival, where we celebrate the beginning of the new year with the company. i don't want to go. i'll be alone for six hours, sitting there with no one talking to me. i'm AFRAID of going to work on monday. these people scare me. i'm looking for help, but the people i trust just tell me to get "a thicker skin" and that i should stop crying over everything. i feel really alone and i don't want to do anything anymore.
sorry if you guys may not know what i'm talking about since i'm in a bit of a hurry right now. but i wanted to get this off my chest again. it starts to get worse to the point where i just want to be alone again. like two years ago.
That's extremely unfair and immoral and I'm sorry you still have to tolerate this. Your co-worker has apparently never grown up from the elementary school bully times, which is really sad and unfortunate. I'm not exactly sure about if you can contact your boss about this or something, but you definitely should let someone know, a psychologist or, if possible, the boss, for example. Sorry to hear that the people you've tried to talk with about this won't take you seriously, can't really understand that a single bit, but I'm sure they would stop belittling the situation if they understood it a bit better, like I do after reading the text. Like I said before, you can never elaborate the events too much. They would have to believe you if they knew as much as I do. This is something that you don't deserve and should never experience and I hope you'll find a way out. All I can do is wishing you the best with everything - getting your close people to understand, getting your co-worker to stop being a massive asshole, getting more people to help with everything etc.Katze wrote:
another updatei couldn't think of a situation that is worse than the one i'm currently in. but surprise, there is more!
last week, the co-worker whom is my teacher was on vacation, so there was only another boy with me in the office. he was talking to me, and we laughed and had fun. i started to think that it may not be so bad to work here, maybe they are only stressed because of christmas and all that. on monday, the other co-worker didn't come since there wasn't much to do, and i felt really relaxed since the other people in the office are really nice. i worked by myself and answered e-mails alone (i was never allowed to do that, i dont know why) and i enjoyed working like that. yesterday, this asshole came back, and it got bad again. she needs to control everything i do. none of the products i work on are right, there is always something wrong because i'm not working the way SHE wants. i started to feel like shit again, worthless and sad. which is stupid since i only started to feel a little bit better last week. so i was under her palm again. (i may not said it in my previous posts but i'll do it now: none of my co-workers talk to me, they never wait for me when they see me, and they hardly wish me a good morning when they see me alone so i'm really lonely there and i only talk to girls from the other office in my breaks, they are really really nice tho) so i spend my nine hours there sitting, waiting for her to control my stuff and looking out of thw window. i'm not eating much and people constantly ask me if i'm sick since my skin is paler than usual and i always look (and am) tired. yesterday, i was on the urge of crying again. i had to create a stamp for a customer, and she never told me how to do that. not where to start, nothing. normally we are five people in the office, but we were only three since the other two left earlier. it was the last hour for me and i was looking forward to the weekend. so she looked over my shoulder again to control everything i do. i wasn't familiar with in-design that much since we didn't learn enough about it in school, and we didn't work that much with it. so i asked her to help me and she said: well, i thought you learned that in school? (i was in the only "media-school" in austria, its really big and nearly everyone knows it, she wasn't accepted into it, but i was) i said no since our teacher worked with mostly photoshop. after she told me exactly where to move my mouse and which button to press, she got impatient again and told me to close it and she'll do it. she went to the toilet and i was sad but not only sad, i was angry. because now she starts mocking me. i'm not HER slave. she has no right to talk sarcastic to me, she thinks i'm STUPID. when she came back, i told her that there is a difference between learning the job we're in or going to school where you learn a bit of everything. she said the same thing to me, the sentence she always says: (another co-worker in out office learned a different job, not related to media-design, we call him tom now) well, tom didn't learn that job either, he got the hang out of it too, didn't he? why can't you do it? i didn't explain it to you because you came from said school so? i felt myself pinned against a wall. i was upsed but i didn't want to fight with her since thats not what you do so i shut up. suddently, the other co-worker who worked with me last week, started to talk too and it felt like i was in an exam. he said: well i thought you learn that in the school you went to? photoshop? that has nothing to do with media-design. he continued explaining things i learned when i went to school. so they both threw their shit at me and i couldn't do anything against me. it felt like i was being bullied. i answered him but i don't remember what i said anymore since i didn't want to continue the conversation. when i left the office, i wanted to drive home by myself, since i need 1000km for my drivers-license and my mother was there waiting for me. i couldn't drive because as soon as i opened the door of the car, i started crying. i talked to my mother about the issue and she said i should go and talk to the team-leader. i came home, ate a little bit and waited for my boyfriend to come home. i explained things to him, and he said maybe they just make jokes. today i have to go to this stupid festival, where we celebrate the beginning of the new year with the company. i don't want to go. i'll be alone for six hours, sitting there with no one talking to me. i'm AFRAID of going to work on monday. these people scare me. i'm looking for help, but the people i trust just tell me to get "a thicker skin" and that i should stop crying over everything. i feel really alone and i don't want to do anything anymore.
sorry if you guys may not know what i'm talking about since i'm in a bit of a hurry right now. but i wanted to get this off my chest again. it starts to get worse to the point where i just want to be alone again. like two years ago.
Get well soon, Kathi.
Topic Starter
Katze wrote:
another updatei couldn't think of a situation that is worse than the one i'm currently in. but surprise, there is more!
last week, the co-worker whom is my teacher was on vacation, so there was only another boy with me in the office. he was talking to me, and we laughed and had fun. i started to think that it may not be so bad to work here, maybe they are only stressed because of christmas and all that. on monday, the other co-worker didn't come since there wasn't much to do, and i felt really relaxed since the other people in the office are really nice. i worked by myself and answered e-mails alone (i was never allowed to do that, i dont know why) and i enjoyed working like that. yesterday, this asshole came back, and it got bad again. she needs to control everything i do. none of the products i work on are right, there is always something wrong because i'm not working the way SHE wants. i started to feel like shit again, worthless and sad. which is stupid since i only started to feel a little bit better last week. so i was under her palm again. (i may not said it in my previous posts but i'll do it now: none of my co-workers talk to me, they never wait for me when they see me, and they hardly wish me a good morning when they see me alone so i'm really lonely there and i only talk to girls from the other office in my breaks, they are really really nice tho) so i spend my nine hours there sitting, waiting for her to control my stuff and looking out of thw window. i'm not eating much and people constantly ask me if i'm sick since my skin is paler than usual and i always look (and am) tired. yesterday, i was on the urge of crying again. i had to create a stamp for a customer, and she never told me how to do that. not where to start, nothing. normally we are five people in the office, but we were only three since the other two left earlier. it was the last hour for me and i was looking forward to the weekend. so she looked over my shoulder again to control everything i do. i wasn't familiar with in-design that much since we didn't learn enough about it in school, and we didn't work that much with it. so i asked her to help me and she said: well, i thought you learned that in school? (i was in the only "media-school" in austria, its really big and nearly everyone knows it, she wasn't accepted into it, but i was) i said no since our teacher worked with mostly photoshop. after she told me exactly where to move my mouse and which button to press, she got impatient again and told me to close it and she'll do it. she went to the toilet and i was sad but not only sad, i was angry. because now she starts mocking me. i'm not HER slave. she has no right to talk sarcastic to me, she thinks i'm STUPID. when she came back, i told her that there is a difference between learning the job we're in or going to school where you learn a bit of everything. she said the same thing to me, the sentence she always says: (another co-worker in out office learned a different job, not related to media-design, we call him tom now) well, tom didn't learn that job either, he got the hang out of it too, didn't he? why can't you do it? i didn't explain it to you because you came from said school so? i felt myself pinned against a wall. i was upsed but i didn't want to fight with her since thats not what you do so i shut up. suddently, the other co-worker who worked with me last week, started to talk too and it felt like i was in an exam. he said: well i thought you learn that in the school you went to? photoshop? that has nothing to do with media-design. he continued explaining things i learned when i went to school. so they both threw their shit at me and i couldn't do anything against me. it felt like i was being bullied. i answered him but i don't remember what i said anymore since i didn't want to continue the conversation. when i left the office, i wanted to drive home by myself, since i need 1000km for my drivers-license and my mother was there waiting for me. i couldn't drive because as soon as i opened the door of the car, i started crying. i talked to my mother about the issue and she said i should go and talk to the team-leader. i came home, ate a little bit and waited for my boyfriend to come home. i explained things to him, and he said maybe they just make jokes. today i have to go to this stupid festival, where we celebrate the beginning of the new year with the company. i don't want to go. i'll be alone for six hours, sitting there with no one talking to me. i'm AFRAID of going to work on monday. these people scare me. i'm looking for help, but the people i trust just tell me to get "a thicker skin" and that i should stop crying over everything. i feel really alone and i don't want to do anything anymore.
sorry if you guys may not know what i'm talking about since i'm in a bit of a hurry right now. but i wanted to get this off my chest again. it starts to get worse to the point where i just want to be alone again. like two years ago.
really long shizz
Wow. This has gotten to the point where I am going to smack the hell out of those people if ever I meet them, Katze. I'm serious. is2g none of this is right. Nobody in that office knows what shit is right. What the hell? I mean, you just started working there, right? They're supposed to teach what they know, be patient about it since they're your seniors, and be your pillar when you need some advises and help. They're just slave-driving you right now, and it isn't helping you physically, mentally, or emotionally. It's just driving you mad, I can tell. This is really ridiculous. Who do those people think they are, ordering you and pestering you around like that? I mean, can't they just respect you like a decent fuc*ing person would to another human being!? No one is perfect in this world, and they should probably know that since this is media-design, and this probably involves more editing and recreating shit that I would not know (but it doesn't matter) anyhow the point is they need to BEAR AND UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS. Why wouldn't anybody talk to you? Because you're like, kinda bullied? What is this, grade school? This is even a whole lot worse than my high school experiences rn. At least, imo, people notice you and hate you but that makes you popular in these days lol. In here, not a single soul bothers to tell those two "CAN YOU STOP TALKING TO HER LIKE THAT? CAN'T YOU SEE SHE'S UPSET? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT SHE IS DONE WITH YOUR SHIT?" No. One. Did. Even that person who talked to you last time has turned into an asshole, I believe. Are these people just being driven by what is "in"? She gets slave-driven by this senior worker, okay, let's do the same. She's ignored, okay, let's do the same. WHAT IN THE NAME OF F ARE THEY THINKING. I really don't know what you should do about them, Katze. This isn't a really good advise, but when the time comes and you get a hang of what's going on, you better do something so that won't need to resort to them, and go through the same experiences again. Having "a thicker skin" would do, yes, but before you go through these, meditate, take a break, get some hugs, type and type your emotions and feelings here and post them so that at least you could get some load off your chest. You're tired. I'm not even in your situation, but I'm tired of GETTING PISSED OFF AT THOSE PEOPLE. gahd. And just like SNB said, you better go see someone who'd really care to listen to the state you're in right now, a psychologist or family or even the boss. If your boss is just as dumb as those people are, then I'd probably complain at some work agency. This isn't proper work etiquette, and this isn't the RIGHT work atmosphere. Oh yeah, I understood your situation so much better after reading that, by the way. I'm really glad you tried to pour out your feelings this time around. Your family/boyfriend still haven't grasped the seriousness of this situation, so again, try and try to communicate with them, too. Make them understand. Words are difficult to spout out when you're not feeling well, but I know you can do it. Sometimes you just need a willing ear to hear out your concerns. I'm seriously going to wish the best for you, and god, please continue to update us of your situation. I'm really, really hoping that everything is going to be a whole lot better for you. /sends virtual hugs again/ ; v ;
ahh..i know Katze's Situation qwq..stay strong
For me the last time that my Job/Apprenticeship really started to stress me out was when i was almost done with the "Trial Time" of my apprenticeship and my co-workers were telling me they wouldn't know if they really should tell my Boss to let me continue my apprenticeship...so i got really anxious if would loose my job, because i spent too much time already to get there (1year that i wasted in vocational school and a 2nd year that i wasted in an Association for appretinceship searching or whatever to call it) so i didn't wanted to start that stuff all over.
in the end everything worked out for me and i kept the job...but i still get critized often for working&learning to slow,fucking things up etc.
but i kinda adjusted to that already.
Since my life in general just went back to the old pattern it had from 9th to 11th grade..just a monoton repetitive mess that im fine with until im getting triggered by something and then brabble about how much my life sucks, that i feel lonely, that i want stuff to be like it was in the past and blablablabla..
in the end it always ends up with me getting ahold of myself and just taking it as it is and trying to get on with my life
soo...now to the thread....hm...when did i cry the last time....ahh yea...i cried my fucking eyes out when i watched Kokoro Connect a week ago or something freakin EP4 qwq..
For me the last time that my Job/Apprenticeship really started to stress me out was when i was almost done with the "Trial Time" of my apprenticeship and my co-workers were telling me they wouldn't know if they really should tell my Boss to let me continue my apprenticeship...so i got really anxious if would loose my job, because i spent too much time already to get there (1year that i wasted in vocational school and a 2nd year that i wasted in an Association for appretinceship searching or whatever to call it) so i didn't wanted to start that stuff all over.
in the end everything worked out for me and i kept the job...but i still get critized often for working&learning to slow,fucking things up etc.
but i kinda adjusted to that already.
Since my life in general just went back to the old pattern it had from 9th to 11th grade..just a monoton repetitive mess that im fine with until im getting triggered by something and then brabble about how much my life sucks, that i feel lonely, that i want stuff to be like it was in the past and blablablabla..
in the end it always ends up with me getting ahold of myself and just taking it as it is and trying to get on with my life
soo...now to the thread....hm...when did i cry the last time....ahh yea...i cried my fucking eyes out when i watched Kokoro Connect a week ago or something freakin EP4 qwq..
Big Hero 6.
tomorrow's monday
This song
I was so speechless the first time I walked into Gwyn's lair and heard this song.
I was so speechless the first time I walked into Gwyn's lair and heard this song.
Have to write a speech for tomorrow and I don't have any motivation at all yet.
Still got 9 hours before the so-called night, though. Might be a really tiresome and agonizing day tomorrow.
Still got 9 hours before the so-called night, though. Might be a really tiresome and agonizing day tomorrow.
Since it's in german, you don't have much to care what I write. Also it's easier for me. :pKatze wrote:
another updatei couldn't think of a situation that is worse than the one i'm currently in. but surprise, there is more!
last week, the co-worker whom is my teacher was on vacation, so there was only another boy with me in the office. he was talking to me, and we laughed and had fun. i started to think that it may not be so bad to work here, maybe they are only stressed because of christmas and all that. on monday, the other co-worker didn't come since there wasn't much to do, and i felt really relaxed since the other people in the office are really nice. i worked by myself and answered e-mails alone (i was never allowed to do that, i dont know why) and i enjoyed working like that. yesterday, this asshole came back, and it got bad again. she needs to control everything i do. none of the products i work on are right, there is always something wrong because i'm not working the way SHE wants. i started to feel like shit again, worthless and sad. which is stupid since i only started to feel a little bit better last week. so i was under her palm again. (i may not said it in my previous posts but i'll do it now: none of my co-workers talk to me, they never wait for me when they see me, and they hardly wish me a good morning when they see me alone so i'm really lonely there and i only talk to girls from the other office in my breaks, they are really really nice tho) so i spend my nine hours there sitting, waiting for her to control my stuff and looking out of thw window. i'm not eating much and people constantly ask me if i'm sick since my skin is paler than usual and i always look (and am) tired. yesterday, i was on the urge of crying again. i had to create a stamp for a customer, and she never told me how to do that. not where to start, nothing. normally we are five people in the office, but we were only three since the other two left earlier. it was the last hour for me and i was looking forward to the weekend. so she looked over my shoulder again to control everything i do. i wasn't familiar with in-design that much since we didn't learn enough about it in school, and we didn't work that much with it. so i asked her to help me and she said: well, i thought you learned that in school? (i was in the only "media-school" in austria, its really big and nearly everyone knows it, she wasn't accepted into it, but i was) i said no since our teacher worked with mostly photoshop. after she told me exactly where to move my mouse and which button to press, she got impatient again and told me to close it and she'll do it. she went to the toilet and i was sad but not only sad, i was angry. because now she starts mocking me. i'm not HER slave. she has no right to talk sarcastic to me, she thinks i'm STUPID. when she came back, i told her that there is a difference between learning the job we're in or going to school where you learn a bit of everything. she said the same thing to me, the sentence she always says: (another co-worker in out office learned a different job, not related to media-design, we call him tom now) well, tom didn't learn that job either, he got the hang out of it too, didn't he? why can't you do it? i didn't explain it to you because you came from said school so? i felt myself pinned against a wall. i was upsed but i didn't want to fight with her since thats not what you do so i shut up. suddently, the other co-worker who worked with me last week, started to talk too and it felt like i was in an exam. he said: well i thought you learn that in the school you went to? photoshop? that has nothing to do with media-design. he continued explaining things i learned when i went to school. so they both threw their shit at me and i couldn't do anything against me. it felt like i was being bullied. i answered him but i don't remember what i said anymore since i didn't want to continue the conversation. when i left the office, i wanted to drive home by myself, since i need 1000km for my drivers-license and my mother was there waiting for me. i couldn't drive because as soon as i opened the door of the car, i started crying. i talked to my mother about the issue and she said i should go and talk to the team-leader. i came home, ate a little bit and waited for my boyfriend to come home. i explained things to him, and he said maybe they just make jokes. today i have to go to this stupid festival, where we celebrate the beginning of the new year with the company. i don't want to go. i'll be alone for six hours, sitting there with no one talking to me. i'm AFRAID of going to work on monday. these people scare me. i'm looking for help, but the people i trust just tell me to get "a thicker skin" and that i should stop crying over everything. i feel really alone and i don't want to do anything anymore.
sorry if you guys may not know what i'm talking about since i'm in a bit of a hurry right now. but i wanted to get this off my chest again. it starts to get worse to the point where i just want to be alone again. like two years ago.
SPOILER
Du hast mir zwar schon davon erzählt, wie schlimm es bei dir in der Arbeit ist, aber das ist wirklich schon schockierend, wenn du dann noch in's Detail gehst... ich kann auch absolut nicht nachvollziehen, wie man auf so eine grenzdebile Antwort wie "Photoshop hat nichts mit Media-Design zu tun" kommt. Das ist pure Schikanierung. Außerdem haben sie nicht ansatzweise das Recht darauf, so eine Scheiße über dich zu erzählen, wie du aussiehst (der Punkt, dass du so blass aussiehst wegen Essen, etc) Soll sie sich doch für ihren Scheiß interessieren. Ihr hattet nur auf beruflicher Hinsicht miteinander was zu tun und da geht alles andere dem anderen gegenüber nichts an. Aber hast ja gemerkt: Es gibt nette Menschen und es gibt Menschen wie deine "Leiterin"(?), die andere Menschen nur wie Mist behandeln.
The fact I'm not a girl.