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What made you laugh today?

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Kanye West

Static Noise Bird wrote:

"Hey Kanye I need you help. So I have a nigger roommate who bought a room in my house and I'm Asian and we Asians get along with almost everybody. But this nigger keeps eating my rice and it's fucking annoying. How do I stop a nigger from eating my rice? Because Of they nigger I've been very hungry i"
i lol'd so hard
silmarilen

Michalv wrote:

A scene from Btooom! that I think is illogical lol
i just downloaded that to watch, good to know its funny
Haneii
Came across this on my news feed
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
BrokenArrow
Hypocritical discussions about hypocrites by hypocrites in OT.
Kanye West

BrokenArrow wrote:

Hypocritical discussions about hypocrites by hypocrites in OT.
Don't use a word if you don't know what it means.
Kyonko Hizara

Kanye West wrote:

BrokenArrow wrote:

Hypocritical discussions about hypocrites by hypocrites in OT.
Don't use a word if you don't know what it means.
This made me laugh
EOHK-Fluttershy
Playing DDR and my EAmuse card not working and still trying to load after 45 minutes =w=
Kanade4Life
asking my friend do I have to go to do our school project, and he said just pretend you don't remember about the project
Birdy
we accidentally said things with my friend that were in perfect rhythm, and then we kept repeating that line on "The Beat" by The Prodigy.
Fabi
Michalv
Story from one of my friends when she was in middle school. It's hella funneh
Shiro_Hane
My friend!!!!!
Michalv
Sushi war between my friends!
Nicollo
my friend fell to a river
Tanzklaue

Nicollo wrote:

my friend fell to a river
I actually know that feeling. it is glorious <3
Dark_Ai
I've got a new dress
Foxtrot

Dark_Ai wrote:

I've got a new dress
and this made you laugh?

strange humor
Kanye West

Dulcet wrote:

Dark_Ai wrote:

I've got a new dress
and this made you laugh?

strange humor
i don't know man

it definitely made me laugh
Foxtrot
kanye, you're a nigger, not a person

niggers don't have a sense of humor

while people do

don't get confused, you silly fuck
Kyonko Hizara

Dulcet wrote:

kanye, you're a nigger, not a person

niggers don't have a sense of humor

while people do

don't get confused, you silly fuck
nigga =/= person sry kanye bby
Chung
I put toothpaste on mint ice cream for science
Kanye West
this thread
Lunaties

Kanye West wrote:

this thread
^ that
Michalv

Lunaties wrote:

Kanye West wrote:

this thread
^ that
Lol yeah + this
Aurele
Hika

Michalv wrote:

sad because I was like this when I was in elementary school

but funny because funny
Michalv
Watching nigahiga's video again XD
- Kashiyuka -
Jordan
Aeidxst
This ^
Kanye West

Aeidxst wrote:

This ^
she_old

Aeidxst wrote:

This ^
also Aei coming up with "futanaRii"
Michalv
The outcome of my cooking... pretty laughable
vizzy
One of my littles (sister through an organization) wrote me a letter. It was adorable.
boat
Michalv
Chatting with my friend, and it turned out that he made a weird story lol
Babukus

This probably made me laugh more than I needed to.
It's from Another btw if you didn't know.
Kaona
^
Kyonko Hizara
Lally
random things owo a copy of me D:
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