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Appealing body figures, preferences and opinions.

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Shiirn
There's a certain amount of healthiness in "I want to be prettier for my other half", but that's taking it too far heh.
YellowerYoshi
I definitely am into the brawnier guys. Not huge muscle heads or anything... bigger guys that have a little definition. Also a nice gut is glorious for me. My tastes would be considered far out of "the norm" to mainstream society, in part because I like dudes and in part because my tastes aren't "hunky guys with no fat and huge pecs" like you usually see in the media.

Honestly, a little chubby is incredibly attractive to me.
Cuddlebun
Some muscles and a beard are the only criteria for looks for me.

As for your friend, failboat, he's the kind of person I try to cheer up for a while and then leave them alone because people like that tend not to listen to whatever positive thing you're saying. If he wants to think like that despite whatever everyone around him tells him, then let him.
FisHie
what ama ia doing here

I like everyone
Vext

failboat wrote:

What i mainly want is to get into his head that if your looks doesn't go with ones preference, then that does not in any way mean that you are ugly.
You know I once told Firo that brown hair and curly hair were not my favorites, it did not go well. If you're curious, favorite is black straight hair, bonus points if an unnatural color or black with pink highlights/streaks.
But of course like any sane person she realized I love her hair and it didn't matter if it was my favorite kind or not.
All-in-all, appearance means nothing when it comes to love. If Firo was 400 pounds and had a mustache I'd still love her, I would probably avoid sex but hey. If the person can't love you when you don't look incredible then they don't love you for you, only what you look to be.
Shellghost
Everyone is ugly and deluded.

I'm ugly. I make myself think that I am average looking through observational comparison and self serving compromise.

"Beautiful" people are ugly. People have instinctive influence in their preference for other people's appearance such as fitness and strength, however most of this has been overcome with media advertising and peer pressure basically telling us what we should think is attractive and placing those people on a higher social status than others. It can be easily presumed that this is where your friend's self loathing originates from.

You all know this, you knew what I was going to say as you were reading it, but we seem to have trouble retaining the idea outside of discussion.
Pokebis
Show him the internet. The way I see it is no matter how you look there's some sick fuck out there who would still want to bone you based on some random feature you can't even think of because people have weird fetishes.
Ephemeral
what your friend has is probably a symptom of depression rather than any implicit aspect of his personality

in my experience appearances are ultimately secondary or tertiary to other traits in a prospective partner. you simply don't care about the little things when you find a person you really like.
lkjl23

Shiirn wrote:

It's natural for certain types of body styles to garner sexual attention more than others - however, humanity has evolved to the point where these instinctive hormonal cues are no longer enough to truly desire another person as a long-term mate. You can also attribute social pressures, both telling people that "you should want to bone / be boned by THIS type of person" AND "personality is more important than a nice ass".

Things like this are utterly contradictive, so confusion is natural. It's up to the person in question as to whether they will follow certain social cues or not.

Clearly, your friend is too stuck up on the "looks make the person" side, to the point that his personality is also being affected.
Being told you are appealing means nothing if you don't believe it yourself, so what he needs is...well, he needs to find that.

I for one hate how tall and large i am, but apparently that's something that a lot of people like in a man. I'll let the social cue for that go since it's not being negative to me.
Don't know what world you live in buddy, but being overweight isn't attractive at all. Anyone that says looks don't matter are in serious denial. Then again I guess that's their defense mechanism of coping with their own looks. Going out with fat people is like rewarding bad behavior. Shows that you don't care even for your own health, and that's not very attractive.
Vext

NeverDie wrote:

being overweight isn't attractive at all.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Beautiful_Woman
lkjl23

Vext wrote:

NeverDie wrote:

being overweight isn't attractive at all.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Beautiful_Woman
I'd like to see hot guys going out with fat chicks. Ugly people will go out with ugly people, and good looking people will go out with good looking people. Bird of a feather, flock together. Sure there's some exceptions, kind of like how some polar bears have mated with grizzly bears, but those are nothing more than just that, exceptions, and will never be the norm. It's evolution's way of weeding out weak and bad genetics and promoting only the best in the long run.


Inb4 I get flamed for this.
Shiirn
Just saying, i think Darwin was thrown out the window when a handful of human beings built an atomic bomb. Scales kind of tipped ever since we started burning coal and charged a bundle of copper wires from a rotating water mill, it's no longer survival of the fittest. Humanity isn't based off of "who can run fastest" or "who can hit the hardest" anymore - heck, we've actually reverted those practices into sport rather than serious living.

As such, while obesity and other health issues surely do exist, and social standing despises it, it remains at the source simply instinctive. It's "bad" and all, but I hardly see any reason to consider yourself better than someone less healthy than you when they're just as likely to be smarter or "make up for" it in other ways.

You seem to be under the impression that being able to bench-press your own weight will save you from a financial crisis - it won't.

Sexual impulses of course lead via physical appearance, but that's not important anymore.

Also, absurd cases of obesity fall under the "fail to take care of self" clause unless there are actual extenuating circumstances (none of the fake baw-crap that's actually a lack of willpower)


I'm not going to argue with you specifically about this, neverdie - since you're under the impression i'm severely overweight (have you seen me?)


@Ephemeral: appearances, while being secondary or tertiary, are also rather important as more often than not it shows how much a person cares for their own body (or, conversely, does not care about who they are on the inside if they over-do it [cough, we all know a person like this]) which is a rather important part of a person's psyche.
lkjl23

Shiirn wrote:

Just saying, i think Darwin was thrown out the window when a handful of human beings built an atomic bomb. Scales kind of tipped ever since we started burning coal and charged a bundle of copper wires from a rotating water mill, it's no longer survival of the fittest. Humanity isn't based off of "who can run fastest" or "who can hit the hardest" anymore - heck, we've actually reverted those practices into sport rather than serious living.

As such, while obesity and other health issues surely do exist, and social standing despises it, it remains at the source simply instinctive. It's "bad" and all, but I hardly see any reason to consider yourself better than someone less healthy than you when they're just as likely to be smarter or "make up for" it in other ways.

You seem to be under the impression that being able to bench-press your own weight will save you from a financial crisis - it won't.

I'm not going to argue with you specifically about this, neverdie - since you're under the impression i'm severely overweight (have you seen me?)


@Ephemeral: appearances, while being secondary or tertiary, are also rather important as more often than not it shows how much a person cares for their own body (or, conversely, does not care about who they are on the inside if they over-do it [cough, we all know a person like this]) which is a rather important part of a person's psyche.
The importance of being physically fit of course are not logically needed too much in this day and age, but evolution takes hundreds of thousands of years. It does not change the fact we still feel great sexual urges for someone that's fit over someone that isn't. That's not going to change for thousands of years to come. But I understand that you're trying to find ways to justify it all, but sadly that just isn't reality. And I remember how you told me your height and body weight. You're over 50 pounds overweight. Last time I checked, that's a lot of fat to be carrying around.
Vext

NeverDie wrote:

Ugly people will go out with ugly people, and good looking people will go out with good looking people. Bird of a feather, flock together.
Can't agree with that one either, Firo is beautiful and I'm nothing special.
Firo Prochainezo

Vext wrote:

NeverDie wrote:

Ugly people will go out with ugly people, and good looking people will go out with good looking people. Bird of a feather, flock together.
Can't agree with that one either, Firo is beautiful and I'm nothing special.
Shush. That's not true.
Nekoroll
Shiirn definitely brings a valid point to this. How you take care of yourself on the outside is a somewhat relatively good indicator for the people around you to at least have a good idea of how you view yourself.

Everyone is going to feel self-conscious about themselves whether it is about their weight, teeth, hair, nose or something. Failboat, I would ask the person that your friend likes to express something physical about himself that he feels incredibly uncomfortable about. Perhaps it would help your friend feel a little better and understand that everyone is going to have that little something about themselves that they don't like but to overcome that feeling and accept yourself will make you look even more attractive in others' eyes. I feel that obsessing over your insecurities will make you appear less attractive overall and less ready for any potential relationship. Like they say, if you can't love (or at least accept) yourself, how can your partner expect you to love them?

As for me, I don't have a particular body figure that I am particularly attracted with. I have been with obese, average and skinny men and I can tell you that while all of them were self-conscious to a degree, they were all motivated to either lose weight or gain weight in order to feel better about themselves and for me. As Shiirn mentioned, I knew that they weren't just fat (or skinny, lol) slobs or anything and that they actually were proactive about their lives and wanted to do things to continuously improve themselves and showed me what kind of person they were. Things like this are great in a person and tbh, is a turn on for me as well as others, I'm sure.

To be honest, some of my worst relationships were with men who were fit, muscular, and defined because they didn't feel like they had to do much to express themselves in creative or interesting ways and this in turn made the relationship feel incredibly bland and boring. I always laugh when I see them flopping in and out of relationships that only last a couple months and ask all their friends why they can't keep girls.

I'm sorry but while looks are still very important, they can only go so far. Good looks will hook you, but a good personality will keep you.

The world is not purely black and white.
Sleep Powder

YellowerYoshi wrote:

I definitely am into the brawnier guys. Not huge muscle heads or anything... bigger guys that have a little definition. Also a nice gut is glorious for me. My tastes would be considered far out of "the norm" to mainstream society, in part because I like dudes and in part because my tastes aren't "hunky guys with no fat and huge pecs" like you usually see in the media.

Honestly, a little chubby is incredibly attractive to me.
I like the same kind of men as you~ My dream man is someone who is calm, intelligent, cocky, witty, optimistic and caring. I prefer some sort of muscular build and I don't really like skinny men unless they're short and cute. They usually need to have nice hair and they can't be feminine because I don't find femininity attractive. I like some arm hair and some leg hair. Skin isn't a huge issue for me, but there is a limit for how much I can take. I don't like curly hair though.
YellowerYoshi

NeverDie wrote:

Shiirn wrote:

It's natural for certain types of body styles to garner sexual attention more than others - however, humanity has evolved to the point where these instinctive hormonal cues are no longer enough to truly desire another person as a long-term mate. You can also attribute social pressures, both telling people that "you should want to bone / be boned by THIS type of person" AND "personality is more important than a nice ass".

Things like this are utterly contradictive, so confusion is natural. It's up to the person in question as to whether they will follow certain social cues or not.

Clearly, your friend is too stuck up on the "looks make the person" side, to the point that his personality is also being affected.
Being told you are appealing means nothing if you don't believe it yourself, so what he needs is...well, he needs to find that.

I for one hate how tall and large i am, but apparently that's something that a lot of people like in a man. I'll let the social cue for that go since it's not being negative to me.
Don't know what world you live in buddy, but being overweight isn't attractive at all. Anyone that says looks don't matter are in serious denial. Then again I guess that's their defense mechanism of coping with their own looks. Going out with fat people is like rewarding bad behavior. Shows that you don't care even for your own health, and that's not very attractive.
Attractiveness is subjective. Clearly you didn't see my post about my own attractions, because in my eye a little fat is definitely attractive. I don't know where you got the idea that attraction is one global idea. You are only stating what is or isn't attractive to you. Everyone has a different idea of what they like, lumping everything together molded into your opinion is a little ignorant.
lkjl23

YellowerYoshi wrote:

Attractiveness is subjective. Clearly you didn't see my post about my own attractions, because in my eye a little fat is definitely attractive. I don't know where you got the idea that attraction is one global idea. You are only stating what is or isn't attractive to you. Everyone has a different idea of what they like, lumping everything together molded into your opinion is a little ignorant.
My statement still applies based on the simple fact you wouldn't go for someone 100 pounds overweight. I'm still right because any girl will obviously prefer a great body with nice muscles over one that has 25+ pounds of extra fat. Just because you'll settle for less doesn't change anything. Different people have different standards and what you settle for says a lot about you to everyone.
Mogsy

Ephemeral wrote:

in my experience appearances are ultimately secondary or tertiary to other traits in a prospective partner. you simply don't care about the little things when you find a person you really like.
I agree with this entire sentiment here. Should looks truly matter as long as they are still the person you fell in love with?

NeverDie wrote:

Don't know what world you live in buddy, but being overweight isn't attractive at all. Anyone that says looks don't matter are in serious denial. Then again I guess that's their defense mechanism of coping with their own looks. Going out with fat people is like rewarding bad behavior. Shows that you don't care even for your own health, and that's not very attractive.
Statements like this are quite annoying. Emphasizing the points I will be addressing the most. Oh wait, that's most of your statement right there. I'll go piece by piece, to avoid confusion.

Anyone that says looks don't matter are in serious denial.
What about asexuals? Would you claim that asexuality is a conscious denial of these urges or is it truly something that cannot be helped?

Personally, I don't give a shit about weight when it comes to other people. I don't have an expected 'weight' for someone to be attractive at in my mind; if they pull off what they've got and work with what they've got, well, they're attractive.

Then again I guess that's their defense mechanism of coping with their own looks.
It's people like you that cause situation like the OP's friend, you're the enablers. It makes them believe that unless they reach this extremely high standard, regardless of body type and metabolism, that they look absolutely awful.

Going out with fat people is like rewarding bad behavior. Shows that you don't care even for your own health, and that's not very attractive.
Do you understand how the human body works? Or the fact that there are different body types and metabolism rates?

Let's take a good friend of mine. He's overweight and has been for a good portion of his life. Even when he wasn't overweight, he was still naturally chubby. He still eats well and exercises regularly. He's overweight, but his BMI is decent and he has outstanding blood pressure and healthy cholesterol. Another friend is still chubby and has a terrible BMI, but his blood pressure and cholesterol are in check. Can't say these two are really unhealthy, their bodies are just not inclined towards the societal standard.

Also, yes, there will be people who settle on those who are 'more attractive'. Because that's what they like. But I digress.
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