This beatmap was submitted using in-game submission on 2018年1月7日 at 23:19:06

Artist: Nanamori chu uta gassen
Title: Kimigakureta shainisutori
Source: ゆるゆり
Tags: Yuruyuri ゆるゆり 赤座灯里 岁纳京子 船见结衣 吉川千夏 村山Sibelius达彦 三上枝织 大坪由佳 津田美波 大久保瑠美 七森中♪うたがっせん
BPM: 90
Filesize: 6661kb
Play Time: 05:08
Difficulties Available:

1. sweet story (3.47 stars, 713 notes)

Download: Nanamori chu uta gassen - Kimigakureta shainisutori
Information: Scores/Beatmap Listing
---------------
开坑！
百合什么的最可爱了！

@#%#!#$%$@!$
距离上次摸图时隔好久的摸


水摸 美丽

Yugu wrote:

@#%#!#$%$@!$
距离上次摸图时隔好久的摸

1. 00:01:133 (3,1) - 不太好看 往上走比较好
2. 00:04:798 (4,5,1,2) - 你看你又无视了时间与间距的关系，这个最好修一下因为难度不是很高所以这玩意还是要遵守下的，后面部分同理
3. 00:26:960 (5,1) - 弄的和00:28:778 (1,2,3) - 一样的pattern比较好
4. 00:35:142 (7,8,9) - 同理^^
5. 00:42:869 (3,1) - 像这种后面就不说了
6. 00:51:960 (4,5) - 不太支持滑条尾搞这种，你前面的1/2 00:51:506 (2,3) - 是这种，会让人反应不过来
7. 00:52:642 (6,7,1) - 00:51:960 (4,5) - 要有点区分度啊，这间距都相同的
8. 00:53:778 (3,4,5) - 到这里倒是换了
9. 00:55:142 (2,3,4) - 00:56:506 (1,2,3) - 同理，还有作图不要开固定格点，你这前后间距都不一样00:55:142 (2,3,4) -
10. 01:06:051 (1,2,3,4) - 建议和01:06:960 (5,1) - 弄一样
11. 01:16:278 (4,5,1,2,3) - 要有区分度
12. 01:23:324 (3,4,1) - 为啥到舒缓的部分这间距就大了
    
13. 01:54:006 - 还有这漏音，作图还是推荐跟鼓点，跟人声的话或者跟人声的part就要跟全不能漏
14. 02:01:278 - ^
    
15. 02:10:369 (6,7,1) - flow太直了
16. 02:27:415 (1,2) - 建议02:27:756 - 换成note，滑条从02:27:869 - 开始，而且你这个02:27:756 (2) - 滑条都不知道在跟啥，跟人声就在02:28:097 - 结束，跟鼓点就在02:28:324 -
17. 02:31:960 (3,4) - 间距太大，或者换成甩尾flow
18. 02:37:415 (3,4) - 为啥这个不一样02:36:960 (1,2) -
19. 02:47:187 (8) - 这个摆的离02:46:278 (6,7) - 远一点
20. 03:14:233 (6,7,1) - 为什么03:14:233 (6,7) - 不在滑条头上
21. 03:40:824 (4,5,6) - 三角形不合格不是等边，03:40:824 (4,5,6,7) - 这个直接用复制粘贴弄个菱形
22. 03:55:937 (6,7) - 同理要和前面的1/2要有区分度
23. 04:24:687 (3,4,5) - 太远了
24. 04:25:369 (5,1) - ^
25. 04:26:506 (2,3,4) - 1/4还摆这么远
26. 04:27:756 - 绿线加到滑条头上
27. 04:28:324 - ^
28. 04:46:051 (1) - 太丑了
29. 04:54:460 - 这里的1/4琴声为啥不跟，04:50:824 (8,9) - 都在跟
30. 04:59:460 (7,8,9) - ??????
31. 05:00:207 (1,2,3,4,5,6,7) - 最后这段加红线，是变速的，你这在强硬摆

ALL FIX ! ALL FIX !
（其实是好久前改的了x)
水摸 美丽

蟹蟹水膜

[sweet story]

1. go ask for metadata
2. 02:11:051 - end a first kiai until here
3. 03:41:960 - end a second kiai until here
4. 04:45:597 - end a last kiai until here
5. 00:06:798 (1,2,3,4,5) - this isn't how u map in such intro of a song. tips: example as u did it right like 00:17:465 (1,2,3) -
6. 00:18:798 (4) - u sure u don't wanna add 2 1/2 sliders for xylophones?
7. 00:34:233 (4,5) - just stack it rather than leaving it like this
8. 00:36:506 (1,2,3) - move (2) to 340|245 for a safe flow
9. 00:38:097 (1,2) - in aesthetic, blanket this perfectly
10. 01:11:051 (5) - NC
11. 01:20:142 - at least add a necessary note by using 1/2 slider here
12. 01:23:778 (1) - in emphasize beat from a cymbal sound, this should have a huge gap of spacing to get its "feeling". or maybe u could find ur way to get a reason with this from ur own mapping style as u're trying to improve it!
13. 01:40:142 (4) - NC this to start the chorus part and its emphasize
14. 01:47:869 (2,3) - use this rhythm http://puu.sh/yLe6T/abd86747c4.jpg
15. 01:50:597 (4,5) - stacks. i think i won't mention this again, cuz this applies to every notes like this
16. 02:21:960 (1,2) - flow right here would be a bad idea at first, but something like this would work for example http://osu.ppy.sh/ss/9818365
17. 02:23:551 (4) - triplets would work (3 notes) rather than 1/4 slider reverse
18. 02:25:142 (1) - this NC seems not even necessary
19. 02:31:051 (1,2) - looks like the same reason as i have mentioned it before
20. 02:34:687 (1,2) - anything like this for 3/4 vocal should be like this http://puu.sh/yLeV7/92478f5d1b.jpg
21. 02:40:142 (1,2) - this could be confusing cuz players will think that it is a 3/4 slider, then a note after it. separating those 2 would work to avoid it
22. 02:42:415 (6,7,8) - this could end up having an awkward play here
23. 02:52:869 (5,6) - same too, but this will apply to rest of them
24. 01:23:778 - vs 02:54:687 - notice the difference between these 2 about the slider speed. yes, it is the same part, but the slider speed isn't consistent
25. 03:11:051 (3) - i don't think i might wanna tell u again about NCs here
26. 03:16:960 (6,7,8,9,10) - just map sth like this for example as starters https://osu.ppy.sh/ss/9818823
27. 04:26:506 (2,3) - this one is totally not recommended for a spacing like that and as a new mapper for some players. something like this would do to make it more better and safe for example http://puu.sh/yLgJt/f49db4a97f.jpg
28. 04:27:415 (4,5) - u could make 4 notes than 2 sliders for an emphasize notes here
29. 04:46:051 (1) - wanna know how to make a neat star pattern? Ctrl+Shift+D to 5 notes first to make a pentagon, then make it as a star pattern. use a slider and point the red anchors to the same coordinates of a circle. there ya go! perfect clean star shape
30. 04:59:460 (7,8,9) - not recommended and unrankable. just stack it as triplets better or make a constant DS there
31. 05:00:207 - go ask someone to time ur map on this part, cuz it seems off for 05:00:207 (1,2,3,4,5,6,7) - . 05:03:794 (1) - too

i think i won't gonna point too much here, cuz there are many things u need to learn as a new mapper. try to learn about patterns and flow for starters by learning other user's maps or pishifat's stuff in youtube. thing is, look ur map all over again and see what u want to fix on ur own, based on what you don't really like the most or stuff xd

NCs and hitsounds can be improved a lot. NCs usually are for where the vocal starts from 4 white ticks, or after 4 white ticks. or even at red ticks, depending on its vocal or its cymbal

gl

lit120 wrote:

[sweet story]

1. go ask for metadata
2. 02:11:051 - end a first kiai until here
3. 03:41:960 - end a second kiai until here
4. 04:45:597 - end a last kiai until here
5. 00:06:798 (1,2,3,4,5) - this isn't how u map in such intro of a song. tips: example as u did it right like 00:17:465 (1,2,3) -
6. 00:18:798 (4) - u sure u don't wanna add 2 1/2 sliders for xylophones?
7. 00:34:233 (4,5) - just stack it rather than leaving it like this
8. 00:36:506 (1,2,3) - move (2) to 340|245 for a safe flowok
9. 00:38:097 (1,2) - in aesthetic, blanket this perfectlyok thas
10. 01:11:051 (5) - NCNC fix
11. 01:20:142 - at least add a necessary note by using 1/2 slider here
12. 01:23:778 (1) - in emphasize beat from a cymbal sound, this should have a huge gap of spacing to get its "feeling". or maybe u could find ur way to get a reason with this from ur own mapping style as u're trying to improve it!
13. 01:40:142 (4) - NC this to start the chorus part and its emphasize
14. 01:47:869 (2,3) - use this rhythm http://puu.sh/yLe6T/abd86747c4.jpgi think this rhythm isnt good
15. 01:50:597 (4,5) - stacks. i think i won't mention this again, cuz this applies to every notes like this
16. 02:21:960 (1,2) - flow right here would be a bad idea at first, but something like this would work for example http://osu.ppy.sh/ss/9818365
17. 02:23:551 (4) - triplets would work (3 notes) rather than 1/4 slider reversefix
18. 02:25:142 (1) - this NC seems not even necessarync fix
19. 02:31:051 (1,2) - looks like the same reason as i have mentioned it before
20. 02:34:687 (1,2) - anything like this for 3/4 vocal should be like this http://puu.sh/yLeV7/92478f5d1b.jpg
21. 02:40:142 (1,2) - this could be confusing cuz players will think that it is a 3/4 slider, then a note after it. separating those 2 would work to avoid it
22. 02:42:415 (6,7,8) - this could end up having an awkward play here
23. 02:52:869 (5,6) - same too, but this will apply to rest of them
24. 01:23:778 - vs 02:54:687 - notice the difference between these 2 about the slider speed. yes, it is the same part, but the slider speed isn't consistent
25. 03:11:051 (3) - i don't think i might wanna tell u again about NCs here
26. 03:16:960 (6,7,8,9,10) - just map sth like this for example as starters https://osu.ppy.sh/ss/9818823ok.but the jump seem too long?
27. 04:26:506 (2,3) - this one is totally not recommended for a spacing like that and as a new mapper for some players. something like this would do to make it more better and safe for example http://puu.sh/yLgJt/f49db4a97f.jpg
28. 04:27:415 (4,5) - u could make 4 notes than 2 sliders for an emphasize notes here
29. 04:46:051 (1) - wanna know how to make a neat star pattern? Ctrl+Shift+D to 5 notes first to make a pentagon, then make it as a star pattern. use a slider and point the red anchors to the same coordinates of a circle. there ya go! perfect clean star shapei put a spinner on it
30. 04:59:460 (7,8,9) - not recommended and unrankable. just stack it as triplets better or make a constant DS thereok
31. 05:00:207 - go ask someone to time ur map on this part, cuz it seems off for 05:00:207 (1,2,3,4,5,6,7) - . 05:03:794 (1) - toofix

i think i won't gonna point too much here, cuz there are many things u need to learn as a new mapper. try to learn about patterns and flow for starters by learning other user's maps or pishifat's stuff in youtube. thing is, look ur map all over again and see what u want to fix on ur own, based on what you don't really like the most or stuff xd

NCs and hitsounds can be improved a lot. NCs usually are for where the vocal starts from 4 white ticks, or after 4 white ticks. or even at red ticks, depending on its vocal or its cymbal

gl

thanks mod!!is very useful

good luck with the map!

btw,the artist's name is not Nanamori-chu * Goraku-bu?

好喜欢这歌！
总体感觉是用hard的节奏做了个insane的排列(距离非常不固定)，不妨试试多加些节奏要么开着ds摆一下（当然没必要全程ds）
主要问题可能还是出在跟轨太死板？(本人也是菜鸡一个，不知道这句话有没有说服力233)，你跟着人声下节奏的话千万就别无视那些很强的鼓点啊啊啊，反过来也差不多

00:01:465 (1) - 这里的几个音很明显，直接一个滑条拉过去感觉是normal难度才会有的，改成1/2滑条+两个单点吧。00:12:132 (1) - 同理
00:16:798 - 漏了个音，建议前面3号note改成滑条
00:33:778 (3) - 这是个短音，可以变成单点然后空拍
00:49:233 (1) - 旋律是一节一节上去的，所以试试拆成两个1/2滑条
00:57:415 (4,5) - 感觉连续的滑条对于区分人声和鼓点的效果实在是不强，何况00:58:097 - 这已经是人声的开始了却用了个滑条尾打起来会很难受。因此这两个滑条可以变成四个单点
01:00:142 (1,2,3,4,5) - 这里音是连续的，就别空拍了。想突出后面三下的话，可以试试四个单点+两个1/2滑条
01:05:142 (6) - 长白线非常不适合放做滑条尾(准确说是重音不适合放滑条尾，会有头重脚轻的感觉←这句话是一米四告诉我的233，一般来说长白线都是重音)，1/2滑条+单点会好一些。然后01:05:824 - 这里也最好把note补上
01:11:960 (2) - 可以改成两下单点
01:19:915 (5) - 依旧是长白线滑条尾的问题
01:20:597 (1,2,3,4) - 前两个音明显和后面的不一样，要么把3，4号拉开，要么前面俩改成滑条，总之两次叠键就体现不出人声了
01:33:551 (3) - 这个人声没那么长，1/2滑条加单点就行
01:37:869 (4,5) - 可以做成五连打。03:08:778 (6,1) - 同理
01:42:642 (4) - 滑条尾是重音，所以01:42:869 - 这里也建议要么是滑条起点要么是单点，前面倒是可以拉个1/2滑条（不过这个随你）
02:08:210 - 漏了个音
02:10:824 (1) - 个人感觉不适合摆滑条，而且后面那个转盘体感也不舒服。可以试试02:11:051 - 为止前面摆9个跳，然后紧接转盘到02:13:778 - 结束，然后02:14:233 - 补上两个单点
02:25:597 (1) - 听后面是强调人声的，这里一个滑条确实强调鼓点的
02:28:324 - 即使是跟人声，这么明显的白线上的鼓点还是别漏为好。02:35:597 - 同理
02:42:869 (3) - 改成两下单点，02:43:551 - 补上
02:44:233 (2) - 依旧是滑条尾重音问题，改成1/2滑条，然后接四个单点挺好
02:51:051 - 这长白线重音漏了什么鬼
03:05:597 (1) - 在旋律逐渐变重的情况下，就得让节奏紧密，这个1/1滑条可以直接换成三个单点
03:07:869 (3) - 同上
03:24:233 (2,3) - 仔细听，后面两个音是连着的，所以应该是单点+滑条
03:31:847 - 如果想强调背景音的话这里漏了，不过直接按照02:00:597 (2) - 这里一样跟人声就ok
03:38:778 (2) - 可以试试一个单点，然后后面接三连
03:44:233 (1) - 这里开始跟轨很混乱，这个单点改成滑条，03:45:369 - 03:46:278 - 加上note，03:46:506 (2) - 这个滑条还是结尾重音问题，改成1/2然后接三个单点。03:47:415 (1) - 这里是短音所以可以单点+空拍。03:47:869 - 加一个1/2滑条。03:49:915 - 和03:50:824 - 03:51:733 - 补上note。03:51:960 (2) - 改成1/2滑条，03:53:551 - 03:54:460 - 补上note。03:55:142 (2) - 这后面有个三连的音漏了，可以换成单点接三连
03:57:187 - 这个note还是有必要过渡的，有长滑条在其实已经能体现出节奏的变化所以没必要空拍。04:00:824 - 04:03:551 - 04:09:915 - 同理
04:14:460 (1) - 滑条！！！这里其实有几种方法，1.和前面几段的下法一样，拉成1/1。2.（个人推荐）不要跟人声，这一段相当于是最后一次kiai的前奏，纯跟鼓点和背景音就ok，能跟最后一段kiai形成对比。而且还有个好处，04:25:597 - 这里开始的密集鼓点就能摆各种往返滑条或者连打了，而不会像现在那样人声到鼓点的不自然过渡
04:28:551 (3) - emmmm，明明三个人声怎么漏了中间那个，改成单点+滑条
最后一段kiai参考前面就行，不多说了
04:58:097 (1) - 滑条尾问题，推荐三连打滑条
04:58:778 (3) - 改成1/2滑条加单点
05:00:513 (2,3) - timing不对，可以25%听一下
05:03:815 - 加跟红线，然后转盘从这里开始

lit120 wrote:

[sweet story][list][*]

i think i won't gonna point too much here, cuz there are many things u need to learn as a new mapper. try to learn about patterns and flow for starters by learning other user's maps or pishifat's stuff in youtube. thing is, look ur map all over again and see what u want to fix on ur own, based on what you don't really like the most or stuff xd

NCs and hitsounds can be improved a lot. NCs usually are for where the vocal starts from 4 white ticks, or after 4 white ticks. or even at red ticks, depending on its vocal or its cymbal

gl

He is right. I definetely recommend to check your map again. It looks weird, and really random. Spacing is off mostly and it doesnt have any kind of structure.
00:39:460 (3,4,5) - This for example makes zero sense. The only thing it does is confuse players. The flow here is really akward and it looks out of place.
00:45:369 (4,5,1) - This aswell, I dont see a reason why you should map it like that. It looks weird and random. This happens throughout the whole mapset.

Try to compare your map to other ranked maps and see the difference in quality. Your map is not in a rankable state at all, and I dont think, no matter how many mods you'll get, it will ever be in that state. The issue is the sheer randomness you've mapped this with. Nothing really makes sense, nothing is consistent, map looks bad and so on. This is not meant to demotivate you from mapping though, everyone started somewhere and noone was good from the beginning. Look at other maps, try to grasp the logic behiond "good mapping" and implement it into your own maps, there is not really another way to learn mapping.
I wish you the best of luck for your future maps, and never give up!

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