This could be a long one, so I'm sorry in advance.

For propably a timespan of ~16months I have been dealing with severe pen grip problems. I have since then often posted here on the forums, reddit or on osu! discords to seek help but with no results to date:

I can not find a comfortable grip. When playing, no matter what I do. I have heard the sentence "Just stick to a grip that's comfortable" numerous times and I can not hear it anymore. I can propably play low 4* maps on most typical and some weird grips.

And you might think 'well that's good, right?' Sadly it isn't. It doesn't feel comfortable. It doesn't feel rewarding to pass, fc or play any map on that star level that way. Because there is a huge disconnect between reading and moving the hand for me. It just feels like 'there's a pen lying in my hand and I'm moving it', but I don't translate pen movement into the game since I struggle to even consistently click on mods, switch from global to local rankings, hell even going from my tapping keys SD to ESC sometimes seems like a struggle. I have been sitting at the exact same skill level and ceiling for such a long time, that I now have anxiety when playing maps I have already played because when I perform worse than before I get very depressed. It just hits so hard that all the time put in was for nothing. At this point and time I don't think I could reproduce any of my top 20-40 plays on the same level. Yes sure there have been phases where I thought I had a good grip but those lasted for 2 weeks tops. I would get used to the grip, practice everyday, after a while get some good scores and then the next day literally not know how to pick up my pen again and struggle on the same maps I fced not even 24hours ago HEAVILY. Having these expectations of myself and then always performing worse in the end only helped in getting depressed while playing. I did take many breaks because of that. Only recently I fully uninstalled and thought I'm gone for good. But everyday I was itching to play again, because I love tapping to the beat (no I dont like mania/taiko Im sorry). Regarding the times when I do play though, my aim is another entirely depressing problem.

Before I try to explain how (I think) my aim works, here are a few quick replays from today:

http://puu.sh/wMg4z/fe5d406769.osr
http://puu.sh/wMg5K/72b0229da6.osr
http://puu.sh/wMg6r/c7c8c65302.osr
http://puu.sh/wMe8f/1563935fc6.osr (Yes I know that's a cheesy map, especially for my problem but I think it showcases my weaknesses well)

I think I am moving way too fast from note to note, playing patterns in one movement rather than from cirlce to circle, which is accompanied through my bad reading skills, meaning that I just react and try to move to all marked locations as fast as possible, missing the circles entirely or flying over them too early/late. I have gotten into the habit of putting -15offset on every map, because it doesn't change the normal hits, but it reduces the 100's I'd get from moving to fast to the next circle and hitting it early. I need to play maps like Square Jump Practice the lowest diff on Halftime because I can't get a combo above 10-20 otherwise (Yes. The lowest diff on HT.) That's also mostly why I tend to play more DT than nomod, since it's easier patterns - just faster. If you looked at my top play (Rog Unlimitation) you might realize that I'm more of a streamy player anyway. Well, turns out not being able to read, aim and follow streams nullifies any kind of streaming ability. Yes I still suck at long stamina and doubles, or technical tapping stuff in general, but I think the deep roots lie in my aim. My brain is basically fully focused on it while playing anyway (yeah Ive tried to not think about it and stuff, I am having these problems for over a year now). (Yes I have tried playing more multi to be distracted).

My goals for this game were to be able to play the >5* range comfortably. Not even 6*, just 5* would have been enough to play pretty much any song I like on a decent level. Doesn't look like it's ever gonna happen.

I know noone propably read this or just ignored it because it's so long and whiny, but I seriously don't know what to do anymore. Everyday I have the itch to play but after 20minutes I end up hating the game and myself - even when quitting/taking a break I can't stop to wanna play, because I listen to a lot of osu! music outside of the game. I've always gotten the same answers from people and to this day I cannot find this sacred 'grip that's comfortable'.

I hope this didn't sound too bitchy or whiny, but it's basically more than 12months+ of accumulated self imposed expectations, depression and anger at myself, that seems like the impossible wall to break through. I have played the 4* range for a long time, and now I mostly play unranked >5.5* 1.X speed up maps or songs I like, because that's the only way I can escape my expectations.



If anyone wants to add me or talk privately about this out of experience on this topic, I am always open.

(Gonna look at any typos/grammar errors later)

I have tried many pen grips but still the one that I always revert to is the grip that I use for writing. I mean it's going to be hard to be comfortable with anything else if you have years to decade+ of muscle memory on it. Just use your normal writing grip and surely you will feel very comfortable playing.

If everything else fails try using your writing grip or a modification of it. As a dt player and someone with an ar10 topplay, practice reading. I have also the problem of not being comfortable with any kind of grip, but when my reading is good enough aiming isnt that big of a deal even when you dont feel connected with your pen (which I rarely do). Try to train reading, that helped me the most with my weird aim.

Use something you are precise (you can hit small things consistently if it's not too fast) with and work on speed later. Nit beun able to aim at buttons sounds sad. Experiment, try full area if you didn't already. If it's exhausting for muscles keep doing it untill they get sronger.

Veix wrote:

If everything else fails try using your writing grip or a modification of it. As a dt player and someone with an ar10 topplay, practice reading. I have also the problem of not being comfortable with any kind of grip, but when my reading is good enough aiming isnt that big of a deal even when you dont feel connected with your pen (which I rarely do). Try to train reading, that helped me the most with my weird aim.

"Writing grip" is a good joke, I ~coincidentally have different writing grips that change however I feel like it.

Reading: I feel like I don't even read, sometimes I miss a whole pattern because I literally didn't realize it was there. Just playing reactionally basically. Propably why I turned to DT, higher AR and OD, so I only have to be at the note at the right time and not wait on low bpm. Tried doing EZ training for a few days, had to resign, since anything below AR 8.6 is absolutely unreadable for me. Tried MCOsu training played AR 8.7 OD10 for a few days. Yeah my acc got a tiny bit better than it already was - nothing changed in the other departments of skill.

PocketSizedMiku wrote:

I have tried many pen grips but still the one that I always revert to is the grip that I use for writing. I mean it's going to be hard to be comfortable with anything else if you have years to decade+ of muscle memory on it. Just use your normal writing grip and surely you will feel very comfortable playing.

Once again. Every single time it's the same. It's easy for 99.9% of people to "just" use their writing grip. Having multiple different grips isn't really a good attribute in my case. Even if I try to do a certain grip, my hands will try to automatically adjust and I always end up with gripping by the very tip, and feeling very uncomfortable.

bla wrote:

Use something you are precise (you can hit small things consistently if it's not too fast) with and work on speed later. Nit beun able to aim at buttons sounds sad. Experiment, try full area if you didn't already. If it's exhausting for muscles keep doing it untill they get sronger.

Precise? What would say about my precision? https://osu.ppy.sh/ss/8633458 - I need to use NF + HT to be able to play the lowest diff.
That's exactly what I can't do. Hitting small patterns of a few spaced notes. Tried small area, tried full area, tried medium area, currently on a medium area, though since I don't have a grip I can't know if it's a good one for me. Full/Big area I didn't even manage to hit objects on the sides of the screen, though how am I supposed to know if that's a sign to make area smaller if I am just too bad to aim at them correctly? It makes no sense to me to have 100% personal adjusted settings because I don't even know if something is good or comfortable.

Yes, it is quite sad. Imagine being motivated and excited to play and then get every single one of those feelings crushed one after another in 30 minutes. I can't even type well when playing since sometimes I don't wanna let go of my pen because the grip feels good, I mistype songs like 5x which wouldn't happen if I was just typing it casually.

Wow you have different writing grips? First time I've heard of something like that. O_O
Well I'd suggest just going with a grip that you can reasonably reach all parts of the screen and which doesn't have the pen slipping and just stick to it. Being in a state of flux is obviously bad for muscle memory. Comfort will come with time.
Or just switch back to mouse if you feel that strongly about it.

Try this thread and get some inspirations: https://osu.ppy.sh/forum/t/95481. Thank me later Take a look at some pro-grips who posted on that thread too.

Check emilia's grip. I find it really interesting. Inspired me to change my mouse grip and i'm playing way better after it.