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OT!News #14

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Topic Starter
johnmedina999

OT!News


Latest News From OT
June 4th - July 10th



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Hello, and welcome to the fourteenth edition of OT News!



Well the shitstorms aren't happening this week, though it's likely one may start at the
end of this week. We expect heavy rainfall on Friday and Saturday, with a lower chance
into Sunday. That being said, afterwards it'll look beautiful as ever. I'm gay.


~ColdTooth, OT climatologist




2017-07-04: Endaris recommended the denizens a drink for gamers called Yerba Mate. Coming to the conclusion that it is time to abandon artificial, chemical-infused, “disgusting inventions”, Endaris introduced the Yerba Mate to all gamers at OT wishing for a new experience. According to the sources cited, the drink gives fresh energy, less urge to eat, no caffeine crashes, and last but not least, it’s cheap; this fulfills all functions of a gamer drink. From the thread, it seems as if the drink is also very spillable on desks but is strongly recommended by the poster himself. Seemingly too good to be true, denizens of OT question the effects of the drink in which Endaris himself responded by saying “Take a sip and find out 8)”. This further elevated the goodness of the drink, making denizens of OT crave more with suppliers being robbed by “a handsome guy with a hammer who was ridng an angry gull”.



The illustrious Yerba Mate in its plant form.




2017-07-04: It can be agreed that OT has been in a lack of drama, but roshan117 has found the perfect opportunity to indulge in the faint air of drama that is apparent at OT. With this fancy, outstanding title, roshan117 attracted many denizens just to offer them a dish of Gulab Jamun in order to sweeten matters in the forum. The thread also indulged in a food talk among denizens, discussing the many foods they like and they would like to try. In spite of others who were concerned with the exiled status of roshan117, the thread survived which further encouraged others to engage in the food talk.



Tasty and delicious Gulab Jamun!




2017-07-04: Citremi has started a so-called quest thread for all of Off-Topic to enjoy! The thread started out with many people questioning its purpose, mistaking it with a personal story; as the plot progressed, however, it became clear that the intent was to create a game for the Citizens of OT to enjoy. The story follows a confused girl who repeats the phrase “It wouldn’t be the same” over and over. So far, she has unknowingly been somehow teleported to a different and unknown place and time. To find out what happens next, and to see how the story started, make sure to check out the full thread!



A sneak peek at what is to come.




2017-07-06: DJ Enetro struck denizens of OT with his quality act. This act begins with him deeply concerned about the future of Off-Topic, creating a thread asking how OT will continue. Through his inquiries he has divided the nature of denizens into 2 distinct categories, which he named Beautifiers and Freestylers. After which, immediately upon attempting to describe the current state of OT’s exiles, DJ Enetro suffered an unfortunate stroke which caused him to run a rant train that rapidly lost self-esteem. He attempted to defend his stance as best as he could as this train went on a collision course straight into a brick wall, but it was too much for him to handle. Before going into coma, his last words were, “This is probably 1.52/10, still uncreative I think. Let me recognize quality first to improve.”

He will be missed
—somebody (probably)




DJ Enetro paving the path ahead for OT’s future.




2017-07-07: A new source of water has been found, which allegedly allows consumers to FC every single song they attempt. Cooperating with the OT!Scientist, abraker, after his development of osu!pill, salesman roshan117 began marketing a product named OSU!Water. Infused with ginseng, caffeine and “Adderal”, this magical combination of minerals and chemicals is said to give the user extra energy and concentration. It is also easier to consume as there also are people who find taking pills to be quite difficult or intimidating. Due to the nature of the water, it was also commercialised as a substitute for pesky ADHD pills. The cost of this product is one’s soul and Douglas, making the water relatively cheap for denizens of OT; many found this product to be attractive and there has been high demand.



The product in question.




2017-07-07: Citremi has discovered a hidden bank where peppy was storing his osu!coins. An OT denizen stumbled upon the hidden Burke & Herbert Bank while chasing a stray cat on the street. Noticing that he had never seen a bank named as such before, he entered the bank just to realize its true purpose. After the report was filed, further analysis shows that Peppy has been working with a guy named “Burke” in order to expand the bank to various parts of the nation, slowly increasing their radius of activity. Their agenda remains a mystery, but it is suggested to take caution when dealing with your osu!coins as there are potential dangers lurking in the back. Remember to never share your osu!coin account details with anyone and keep all coins stored safe in a secure place.



Who knows what peppy is up to this time?




2017-07-09: A new investigation on osu!water claims that it is a “hazard” and is indeed not safe for human consumption. Allmynamestaken, a denizen that has been eyeing the recent sales going on the market, has found few new products to be quite suspicious, as they suggested that after the consumption of the products, the person is guaranteed to reach Cookiezi level. Upon further investigation, such as working undercover at OSU! Water Inc. and osu!pill Corp., he has found out that the products may be harmful and may produce severe after effects that might make the user unable to play osu! after consumption. In order to stop this disaster from happening, Allmynamestaken took the courage to reveal these harmful effects to the world. This impeachment was met with a few refutations claiming that these after effects are indeed already notified to the consumers thus the sales justified.



Whether the products are a fraud or not is still unknown.




2017-07-09: A memo board has been installed in OT by kai99, allowing people to write anonymous memos. Despite the questions regarding the purpose of this board, when Off-Topic exists for the same cause, many denizens have participated in displaying their own works of art. The pages were quickly filled up with various multimedia and denizens expressing their inner creativity. It is told that someone was witnessed to be pasting the whole transcript of the bee movie onto the board, increasing the page count to 92; but this piece of art was since modified to not take up as much space.



The newly installed memo board.




2017-07-10: In observance of recent stagnation in quality, abraker has founded the fancy-looking “OT Royal Society of Quality”. This society follows the five commandments named TRASH and aims to better the content on the forums. As of writing, abraker has made two cases against denizens violating TRASH, but with nothing done yet, they seem to be there just to look pretty. Our fellow denizen, Blitzfrog, has also joined this society while agreeing to some intimidating looking conditions.



The five commandments.




When Will it End?


A Comprehensive List of OTrends

Two fanclubs have been created this week: the Endaris Fanclub and the ephemeral fanclub.
They have both been successful, acquiring many members in a short span of time.
The Endaris fanclub, in particular, even spawned an avatar collab between the members.

It seems as if OT is concerned with honorable titles this week as well. Two threads have been created
to settle the disputes of whom The cutest girl in OT and the worst OT member is. However, neither
of these disputes have been settled; in fact, even more disputes arose within these threads.



OT Denizens


Keep the Cancer Flowing


Welcome back:

Fizzn has returned to OT after months of mia status. He has returned in order to inform OT about his new finding;
an effective way to block unwanted people on the osu! site. This powerful method is known as utilizing adblock,
and is guaranteed to work 100%. Other adblockers have not been investigated to see if they have the same effect.


New Denizens:

OlCat has shared their story of playing osu!. A moving tale, their own experience with osu! is sure to
truly reach the hearts of many and bring up empathy among denizens that always have their family
members devastate their FC moment. The tale is known to be based on a real-life event.

Dissatisfied with the usage of uwu, Burningapple expressed the disdain of having to deal with this
emoticon. Giving no particular reason to back up the claim, the thread aimed to make denizens stop
utilizing the now stale emoticon— only to bring more uwu in acts of refusal.

zero manners has come to OT to ask all denizens how their username originated. Not knowing
that there was a GD thread about this already, or perhaps wanting to ask a specific audience, the
thread was a success with many people explaining their story, while others opted to joke around.

In search for a supporter tag, GreeNnNn wandered into OT in the hopes of finding one.
Concerned with the request, other denizens excessively derailed the thread, as asking for
supporter tags is frowned upon by the community.

foggy, while doing research on who could have the highest game count in osu!, happened
to find OT the perfect place to ask others on this topic. Curious to find the answer, the thread
requests to find anyone in any gamemode with the most games played. The thread was soon
redirected to another forum.

Desperate for help with a broken stylus, ShiroiUusagi posted a thread on OT asking for
advice on the situation. It is thought that this new denizen has posted a similar thread all
across the land of the osu! forums, asking many different audiences for help. The thread
quickly derailed, however, and even though a few people tried to help by suggesting duct
tape, the responses were quickly drowned out by others joking around.



OT!News will always try to provide quality content.
If you find any errors or have a suggestion, please leave a post below or
feel free to PM / highlight us either through the osu! site or our Discord.



Credits:
We would like to take this opportunity to thank kai99 and Blitzfrog for giving us so much cancer that we needed to bleach our eyes, abraker for tidying the cancer, johnmedina999 for grammar nazi-ing, and a collaborative effort to make the cancer look nice. We also would like to give special thanks to everyone in the official Discord server for giving us the support needed not to shoot ourselves. Until next time!

Thank you, good night, and remember to...

Naimae
:^)
Stanvord
1st
KupcaH
Won't be sticked. :з
Tae
Why the fuck is this still alive.
Why the fuck is my logo being used.
Stefan


Antlia-
HOLY SHIT I LIVE IN THE PLACE WHERE THAT BANK WAS FOUNDED, I LIVE NEAR 3 LOCATIONS
Comfy Slippers
Having me around is a blessing.
ptar124

johnmedina999 wrote:

. The cost of this product is one’s soul and Douglass, making the water relatively cheap for denizens of OT; many found this product to be attractive and there has been high demand.
nice try
Serraionga

johnmedina999 wrote:

Well the shitstorms aren't happening this week, though it's likely one may start at the
end of this week. We expect heavy rainfall on Friday and Saturday, with a lower chance
into Sunday. That being said, afterwards it'll look beautiful as ever. I'm gay.


~ColdTooth, OT climatologist
Thank for the news. I'm also gay.
Zekks
K
DJ Enetro
How was my thread quality *smh*
kai99

DJ Enetro wrote:

How was my thread quality *smh*
post more
Lhahein
It's OT!News 14 but 12 is still the pinned one
ephemeral pls
DJ Enetro
Bump until pin
Tae

DJ Enetro wrote:

Bump until pin
Dead project
DJ Enetro
Dead... Project? Clarification please.
Aomi

DJ Enetro wrote:

Dead... Project? Clarification please.
your life
Blitzfrog

Aomi wrote:

DJ Enetro wrote:

Dead... Project? Clarification please.
your life
DJ Enetro
This got pinned finally
abraker
ok time to unpin
WalterToro

abraker wrote:

ok time to unpin
Sure, i can do that.
DJ Enetro
Well. Abraker request ping = 5h
Topic Starter
johnmedina999

WalterToro wrote:

abraker wrote:

ok time to unpin
Sure, i can do that.
Thank you, we really appreciate it!
abraker

DJ Enetro wrote:

Well. Abraker request ping = 5h
hey at least it's much better than last time's ping of 5 days (I think it was 5 days)
Blitzfrog

abraker wrote:

DJ Enetro wrote:

Well. Abraker request ping = 5h
hey at least it's much better than last time's ping of 5 days (I think it was 5 days)
Your memory span is shorter than your dick
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