it's a complicated situation involving a fuckton of things, but there's some main chunks.
regarding my feelings, or lack thereof. i'm similarly experiencing a damn lot of stress and frustration over the stuff i try to make, that i can't seem to make something that i'd actually enjoy. my apathy seems to be preventing those feelings from becoming much of anything, and in turn, kind of spoils the potential motivational "fuel" i could yield. i'm struggling with a pretty shitty case of apathy keeping me down.
regarding my general disposition and mentality toward things. i've been tired of everything for so damn long, but continue anyways, because i've never cared to end it all there. i still don't, but i'm constantly finding obstacles that lessen my will to care about going forward. life's irritating in that it is just troublesome enough to harbor misfortune right around every corner. every time you try to get up, you're knocked out by another obstacle, and have to get up, now with another concussion. it's mind-numbing at times, and i can't help but be absent-minded whenever trying to motivate myself to do things. the only motivation i have is my immense self-hatred, and that's hardly healthy at all.
overall, i still just manage. stoicism and apathy are the things that've kept me going despite the pain.
- - -
what's the most insightful thing you've learned from your time in FG?