I had at some point believed I was someone with little to no capacity for emotion due to my apathy. Based off of that conclusion, I had assumed I'd do well at calmly handling life, but as the years have passed, my apathy didn't really hold up as well as I've thought. It's reliable to some degree, but can crack under enough extreme pressure.
Usually when that happens, it'll be a slow-release type of reaction in which emotion, primarily anger, leaks out through my actions, words, thoughts, and feelings. It's a fairly controlled anger of sorts, but I ultimately wind up directing whatever anger that bubbles and surfaces back into my self. I'm pretty quick to blame myself for things and it'll gradually tear me apart as I hold on to whatever scattered logic I can cling to that'll help me find my way out of my messes.
Though it has yet to happen, I think it's possible for it to be much worse. Perhaps, it could be some sort of explosive emotion that I'd have difficulty understanding. I'll be throwing myself into some shitty trains of thought with very little in terms of reasonable logic for that, aside from personal belief and a seething self-hatred.
Self-hatred's played a good part in any sort of anger I experience. It's almost always at myself.
So now I've learned that strong emotions do dwell within me, but are pretty heavily repressed under that stoicism and apathy I hold.
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same question.