"When you spend the whole day thinking you're so cool because people are giving you attention only to find that you did not close your fly"

"Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML"

"Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML"

"Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML"

"Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML"

"Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bear to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML"

"Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML"

"Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML"

"Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML"

"Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML"

"Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML"

"Today, I broke my nose by falling on the cast I have on my arm. FML"

"Today, I was travelling in a car. As I was discreetly picking my nose, we drove over a speed bump. It hurts. FML "

"Today, my sixteen-year-old daughter put her soda in the microwave to “cool it down by making the ice cubes melt faster”. FML"

"Today, I’m eight months pregnant. My six-year-old son told me: "Mom, the baby farted in your belly". Why would he think that? "Well, because the smell comes out of your mouth!" FML"

"Today, I was on an adult-orientated website when my mother entered the room. I closed the webpage as fast as I could by clicking everywhere. I discovered later that, while panicking, I clicked on “share on Facebook”. FML"

"Today, a lady came for a death certificate at the city hall reception where I work. Reflexively, I asked if it was for her. FML "

"Today, I came back from the hospital after back surgery which required putting screws in my spine. My children spent all day trying to stick magnets on my back. FML"

Chaosemerald wrote:

Today, I visited Off-Topic. FML