B1rd wrote:
words
ok i will humour you
Why should you let go of your expectations? That implies settling for something substandard.
it is extraordinarily hard to build meaningful expectations of something that has never actually happened before. a relationship is sort of like a chimera of two completely unique people smooshing themselves together in a way that is really quite unlike anything else ever. similarities may be drawn sure, but for the most part, you're going to be treading ground that literally nobody else in the history of mankind has ever tread before
tesla did crazy electric shit and the average lay man/woman/whatever does crazy shit in navigating the web of idiosyncrasies that govern the typical individual
so if you go into one of these relationships expecting x thing to happen and then be incredibly surprised when it doesn't based off little more than a preconception of how things should be (especially if you've never articulated this point to your partner before), then you're fucking stupid and that's why your relationships suck dick (or don't)
its basically like a little kid insisting they don't like waffles because they don't taste like oranges when they've never actually had an orange OR a waffle before. my partner should be x or have y features - good, go write a fucking book then, because good luck wasting your life viewing people as a product to be "assessed" rather than unique microcosms of personality in their own right.
expectations are dumb and the only ones you should carry in (if anything) are the basic tenets of self-respect. be reasonable, be yourself, and treat others as you'd like to be treated. i don't see how you could ever go wrong with that
Unfortunately the real world doesn't work like that, the relationship between genders is determined very largely by biological principles. Sure you might meet someone and fall in love, but unless the relationship is grounded in practicality it will almost always fail. A man needs to have a successful career and life in order to get a good women, and women try to get the best man they can. This is the competition and natural selection that drives the human race forward.
i kind of get where you're going here with the biological principles guff but that generally isn't a conscious mediator of where a relationship goes in most people from what i've seen. if this were actually the case, humanity wouldn't have spent several thousand years rolling around in utter mediocrity. people are flagrantly irrational beings and people do all sorts of shit just because they like how it is, like flower arrangement or urethral sounding. relationships are not free from this foible, if anything they're more privy to it than other things
a man needs to not be an incorrigible fuck more than having a career, tbh. the two are synonymous typically but sometimes they are not - there are plenty very successful people who end up alone because the same predominant traits that edge them towards "success" also prevent them from forming meaningful relationships with people in any capacity whatsoever.
"best" is whatever works for you given what is available. some people call this "settling" and maybe they instead want to waste their lives pursuing an intangible nothing, more power to them.
For example, the divorce rate is much much higher if Western countries than it was a century ago. This is because the welfare state has made it so women do not need to financially rely on men, thus marriages are not the practical and mutually beneficial thing like it was last century. And it has resulted in an epidemic in single-motherhood which leads to an extremely negative effect on their children and thus society as a whole.
it's more because there's no longer a fucking HUGE religious and social stigma re: divorce, tbh. single motherhood is another kettle of fish entirely and i'm not wholly sure how it is related, tbh
That's why I have always advocated against the state and leftism, it tries to cheat nature by creating 'equality' artificially, and encourages poverty, ineptitude, and the deterioration of society.
so you're a bonafide nihilo-anarchist then? i don't really know what else to say to that.
in general, i'm a very "go where the wind takes me" sort of person. i do believe that people can exercise their own local agency to pull themselves out of a shitty situation, but the course of one's life is generally dictated by things well beyond your control, and the entire point of life is to get along with these handicaps and do the best you can with them, and helping other people out along the way.
relationships are noooo different
