21:39
Nate Bait wrote:
12:10 pm
someone send help
actually someone send help
get me out of this hell
Wow, I hope everything's better now!
I feel physically ill with worry and an out of control sleep schedule. I keep debating what to tell my mentor, and what to tell online. I'm bottling up so much complicated stuff, and feel so stressed due to it, but also feel it's necessary.
She always says I should trust her and be honest. But I can't. But I can't exactly lie either. So I'm trying my best to avoid talking about the topics I'm bottling stuff up for. Which is tough.
I'm doing so well with what I'm being assessed with. I can go on a bus, I can kinda carry a conversation. It seems that it's all sunshine, and I pray that it always seems this way. I don't want to be a burden, a constant disappointment.
Should I delete this? Maybe later. But I need to be a bit more open, at least somewhere, at least make a start. I feel destroyed, if it wouldn't be for all this bottling up, I would be feeling proud and happy of all I've achieved today. But I just feel pathetic.
I don't like how my only post today is so sour. But maybe it explains my inactivity a bit. I'm terrified of sharing too much, and I have no energy to force myself to be relaxed. I don't deserve to be here with you all, I'm a disgrace. Hopefully am just for the moment.
Love ya'll! 💙
