For what it's worth, the entire point of frustration on routing is that it has a lot of inconsistencies and quirks that are very obvious when modding the map and looking through it in the editor. This, combined with people combing through it at 25% and 50% speed just looking for things to point out, means that it's very, very easy to come up with a wall of text that I must them personally provide my feelings and opinions for, for every single point. This is extremely exhausting, especially considering Routing was entirely made to be intentionally inconsistent and partially "unpredictable" to fit with my vision of the music.
Nobody can deny that this track, from a musical and compositional standpoint, is weird. Camellia loves doing this kind of thing. He's very experienced and nuanced in his repeated musical patterns and how he ties them together during repeated sections and i try to represent this by having my own patterns follow his slightly different musical patterns. This does not always play well, especially not for people who are so, so, so used to boring anime and dnb tracks which have literally identical stanzas repeated 4-8 times. Camellia will have those same 4-8 stanzas start the same but connect to eachother slightly differently.
I have naught but circles, sliders, and two buttons to provide the player with this experience.
I am not taking any individual mod on this map as a personal attack, but rather as yet another bothersome chore that is being forced upon me because it basically forces me to either explain exhaustively these concepts I listed above to every single modder, as concisely as possible, every time. Can you seriously blame me for getting frustrated and stressed out? These concepts that I built Routing on, namely, intentional inconsistency and differing emphasis, are very easy to understand if people bother looking outside of their own comfort bubble. People are getting so worked up over how each individual tree looks that they're forgetting to look at the forest.
It's tiring and frustrating that people simply discard these concepts because they disagree with them, and I'm left with nothing to show for it. These are fairly advanced mapping concepts because they break the norms of "consistency mapping" (which I believe is a tool best used for newbie mappers before they start understanding how to actually map) and it's hard to explain it in bite-sized chunks for every single modder who happens to play the map like, twice.
I understand people are genuinely trying to help and that they genuinely feel like their suggestions may posit some improvement, but they really didn't in the past, and really won't in the future. Sure there are a lot that helped, but as an experienced mapper I like to pretend that I should be allowed some leeway in knowing what to accept and what to decline. I have tried time and time and time and time again to explain how I feel and how each individual working piece of the map works with others, only to have it discarded or ignored because the person I am trying to meet halfway either disagrees with the very concept or doesn't understand.
I'm just not willing to go out of my way to extend the hand of common ground on this only for them to slap my hand away without even bothering to try and see things my way just as much as I try to see things their way.
I'm not going to bother searching out QAT or BN to re-qualify this map anymore because it's fucking insane that I can spend dozens and dozens of hours working and discussing this map with dozens of people and have the entire thing shut down by a few handful of inexperienced or narrow-minded individuals. It's a massive waste of time and effort and I hope everyone who has refused to even begin to try and understand my feelings is proud of themselves for upholding their precious worldview.
If you're still reading by this point you have my utmost thanks and respect.
I'm not even asking for people to just let me do what I want. I want to discuss things rationally and in depth because that is fun. It is fun to me to discuss mapping concepts and what people are trying to do with their maps and what they're trying to do by fiddling around with patterns or hitsounds or spacing or choice of circle vs slider or beat emphasis. But it's not fun when people are attacking my map whilst constantly asking why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why because that puts all of the effort on me, the mapper, and that's not fair.
Thank you for all the support, and thank you for any constructive criticism. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm perfectly fine with how this turned out. I'm really let down by the immediate vile response, but also very uplifted by the support shown to me directly. But I'm not going to stop mapping and I'm not going to stop making maps with concepts beyond the newbie mapper toolkit of "consistency and flow".
This is my last major post unless a BN or QAT or some combination thereof is willing to push this back into qualification, and they're going to need to come to me to start it up, which isn't likely going to happen so this is likely the end.