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How to help my antisocial brother?

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balldoowell
35 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
balldoowell
My brother has always been a quiet guy, so I'm really his only friend.

He started college a few months ago. He was terrified at the idea of living in an apartment alone so I decided to move in with him and keep him company until he found himself a girlfriend or whatever.

Its been three months and shits not going anywhere. I cant seem to relate to him since I'm an extroverted person, so my advice of "just talk to people" doesn't seem to resonate with him.

So please antisocial introverts of osu!forums (which I'm assuming is most of you) how do I help my big bro

EDIT: also how do I tell him that he snores and hogs the blanket at night without hurting his feelings



EDIT 2: tl;dr I take him out to the bar, he gets a girlfriend, we played smash.

Yesterday night, my brother and I went to some bar downtown. This place is pretty busy but not nearly as much as it would have been on Friday.

I actually had to lie to my brother to get him into the bar. He absolutely hates bars, parties, etc etc. I told him that we were going to a coffee shop and he believed me lmao what an idiot.

Anyways we get in and sit at a booth in the back. I can visibly see him shaking from nervousness. I get him a beer and a water for myself. Liquid courage you know? He downs the whole thing, but he's still a nervous wreck. I get him some more, and more, and more...

He sucking these bottles and my wallet dry yet nothing is happening.

I say fuck it and go up to some 7/10 QT and tell her that my "friend" thinks that shes cute. She looks over to my brother and looks back to me with a weird ass smirk/smile with fire in her eyes. I mean my brother is actually a pretty handsome guy but seriously wtf I still cant explain that look.

She goes over to him and chats him up while I spectate a few feet away. I can see my brother losing his shit in the presence of a female grill while she seems to be having a grand ol time.

Suddenly I see the tenseness in my brother just disappear in an instant, and after a while he starts to smile. I'm thinking wtf are they talking about. I sit at the front of the bar whilst sipping my coke waiting for them to finish.

After a while I finally see them get up from the booth. Bro tells me we're going home. She goes with us and I'm thinking that my brother is dropping her off or something but nope. We pull into our place, go inside, and start playing sm4sh. Its her favorite game apparently. That and CS:GO

My brother likes gamer girls and this girl likes shy guys. Guess it all worked out
Last edited by balldoowell , edited 12 times in total.
Vuelo Eluko
5,484 posts
Joined October 2013
Vuelo Eluko
show him just how good being with someone can feel then tell him if he wants more of that pleasure hes got to find someone else to do it with
chaee
chaee
Get him to meet other introverts like him to connect with. There's lots of sites for that, it shouldn't be difficult.
Railey2
512 posts
Joined February 2015
Railey2
be his girlfriend

Go out with him and do things, introduce him to people that drag him out and do stuff with him. Get him to get a hobby other than gaming. Don't just say "talk to people", MAKE HIM talk to people.

The main obstacles for introverted people, that make them not talk to others, are:

  1. Social Anxiety/fear
    Is likely to apply to him to some degree
    Mainly comprised of 3 things (although there can be more, in which case.. good luck):

    - low self esteem. This one is nasty, but probably the most common reason why people don't start to go out and talk to others. I'm not saying that it applies to your brother, but if it does: Reassurance and validation over longer periods, coming from multiple people + him having the opportunity to prove to himself that he isn't low/weak/shit/whatever, can fix this one. It also is a natural byproduct from isolating oneself, so doing more with others will help in any case (if done right).

    - not being used to talking to others. New things, or things you aren't used to/comfortable with, can be scary. Stick with him when he is in situation that he is not used to.

    - being shitty at being social. Yeah, socially anxious people are shitty at being social. If he has this issue, make him understand that sociability is not purely a character-trait (seriously, who came up with this shit), but mostly a skill. He'll get better once he gets used to talking to people. It's all about getting past that first mountain.



  2. Getting over the power of habit.
    Most likely applies to him
    Once you established a social network, being social is easy. Once you are used to going out 3 days a week, that is easy too. If you make staying home and playing games your habit, following that habit is easy. Breaking the habit is hard, but thats what has to be done to be social. So as I said before, FORCE HIM to go out and stick with him until he broke his power of habit, or get others to stick with him until he broke it. (This is easy to relate to as well, we all have our habits. Good or bad ones).
    Related to that, there is also the the belief that "there is nothing to do" out there. This is because he only knows things that he does frequently. Tackle this by doing a wider range of outdoor-activities and habituating him to these.



  3. Addictions.
    might or might not apply to him
    Mainly games, really. Break his PC, its for the greater good.


  4. Running out of energy.
    Probably does not apply to him.
    Now this is the first thing on the list that is directly related to him being an introvert (it's also the only thing. Everything else is just correlated.)
    Introverts run out of steam faster. I used to have this issue after 2 hours of socializing with a group. It caused me headaches, dizziness, I got really tired, moody and I couldn't think clearly anymore. Fixing this essentially means building stamina. Make him push himself every time he deals with other people. Take him to crowded places. Progress will show eventually.
    However, the fewest people are so introverted that this factors in. Most people are just anxious, or can't get rid of their own habits and addictions that prevent them from going out.


Seriously, giving people advice that is intuitive anyways, is about the laziest way to "help" people. Most people know that intuitive stuff already, so I wouldn't even call it help in most cases. If you have the dedication to move in with him, you should at least go one step further than that, or two.


"EDIT: also how do I tell him that he snores and hogs the blanket at night without hurting his feelings"
If this hurts genuinely hurts his feelings, I fear the issue sits deeper.
Rilene
2,105 posts
Joined April 2014
Rilene
Maybe if he finds someone with similar interests with his, he might wanna talk to them, or personally.
A Medic
460 posts
Joined May 2013
A Medic
Tell him to watch more anime.

OT: Tell him to find a club that he has an interest in/whatever his hobby is.
Last edited by A Medic , edited 1 time in total.
Endie-
784 posts
Joined March 2015
Endie-
who needs friends anyway?

cries inside
A Medic
460 posts
Joined May 2013
A Medic

erikG wrote:

who needs friends anyway?
cries inside


feels man. I feels.
Shohei Ohtani
Shohei Ohtani
stop sleeping in the same bed as him wtf he's gonna go yosuga no sora on you
Flaus
36 posts
Joined July 2012
Flaus

Rilene wrote:

Maybe if he finds someone with similar interests with his, he might wanna talk to them, or personally.
This is the biggest thing really. Introverts like myself aren't well-versed in pop culture, nor do we really give a shit about it. Pretty much means we have nothing to talk about.

gtfo normies REEEEEEEEEEEEE
balldoowell
35 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
balldoowell

Reditum wrote:

stop sleeping in the same bed as him wtf he's gonna go yosuga no sora on you
Well then who the fuck am I going to cuddle with
Faust
osu! Alumni
4,783 posts
Joined January 2009
Faust
What is his age anyway.
Hika
1,553 posts
Joined February 2010
Hika
tell him to grow the fuck up and make friends
- sincerely, another extroverted asshole
Rilene
2,105 posts
Joined April 2014
Rilene

Hika wrote:

tell him to grow the fuck up and make friends
- sincerely, another extroverted asshole
plz
Spongetowel
0 posts
Joined February 2015
Spongetowel
uui
Last edited by Spongetowel , edited 1 time in total.
Rilene
2,105 posts
Joined April 2014
Rilene

Spongetowel wrote:

Maybe a girlfriend would help...
Yeah but he doesn't have a girlfriend.
Shohei Ohtani
Shohei Ohtani

balldoowell wrote:

Reditum wrote:

stop sleeping in the same bed as him wtf he's gonna go yosuga no sora on you
Well then who the fuck am I going to cuddle with


white people i swear to god
Hika
1,553 posts
Joined February 2010
Hika
tbh fam I agree
Endie-
784 posts
Joined March 2015
Endie-
Maybe your brother only pretends that he doesn't have friends so that he can sleep with you..?

I FOUND HIS SECRET
balldoowell
35 posts
Joined July 2014
Topic Starter
balldoowell
He told me when I was three I climbed into his bed after I had a nightmare and we've slept together ever since. I don't remember it tho. :oops:

Does no one else sleep with their siblings? Weird
chaee
chaee
I slept with my dad until I was 10
A Medic
460 posts
Joined May 2013
A Medic

Reditum wrote:

balldoowell wrote:

Reditum wrote:

stop sleeping in the same bed as him wtf he's gonna go yosuga no sora on you

Well then who the fuck am I going to cuddle with


white people i swear to god



right lol.
Jerry
Global Moderator
1,152 posts
Joined December 2010
Jerry

balldoowell wrote:

Does no one else sleep with their siblings? Weird
Not when they're already in college
Endie-
784 posts
Joined March 2015
Endie-

balldoowell wrote:

He told me when I was three I climbed into his bed after I had a nightmare and we've slept together ever since. I don't remember it tho. :oops:

Does no one else sleep with their siblings? Weird
I'm sorry but it is weird
Bweh
486 posts
Joined September 2012
Bweh
It's also not real!
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