Good Luck and stay stong

Sorry to hear that you lost your ability to function. Going through this crippling episode where you can't meet your obligations or do anything productive really isn't fun. Good to hear that you took the hospital step and have more human contact now.
Keep in mind that you just need to be open with how you feel and both of you (you and the therapist) will be able to settle things and you will be a happier person. You don't have to be good at speaking or expressing there either.
Wish you nothing but the best for the future.

Greetings

good luck

Wow... This is kind of a wakeup call for me since i've been thinking something like this could happen to me after finishing school D:

My life situation is insignificant though, this is your thread.

Sad to see the taiko community losing such a good player and friendly guy, best of luck with the therapy.

I will write this reply in German because I want to make this more personal.

Luna,
es ist sehr traurig zu lesen, dass es dir so schlecht geht, aber ich möchte gerne versuchen, dich aufzumuntern und vielleicht zu einem besseren Leben zu motivieren. An dieser Stelle möchte ich erwähnen, dass ich seit langer Zeit einen Freund hatte, der sehr depressiv gewesen ist. Er wurde psychisch krank und hatte 2 Psychosen, was dazu führte, dass er mehrere Therapien erhielt. Letztenendes konnte ich ihn leider nicht retten und es zerbricht mir das Herz bis heute.
Deshalb weiß ich in etwa, wie du fühlst, und möchte dir etwas klarmachen. Nutze die Zeit in der Therapie, um wieder zu dir selbst zu finden. Nachdem ich deinen Post gelesen habe, ist mir klar geworden, wie intelligent du tatsächlich bist, wie gut du hier deine Situation auf Englisch schilderst. Es macht mich traurig, dass ein so wertvoller Mensch wie du einen solchen Pfad beschreiten muss. Bitte werde dir in der Therapie bewusst, was du möchtest und wie es weitergehen soll. Such möglichst viel Kontakt zu den Psychologen auf, spreche mit ihnen. Es wird dir helfen. Nach der Therapie wird die Klinik dich auf deinem weiteren Weg unterstützen und versuchen, dich wieder in unserer Gesellschaft zu etablieren... wieder ein besseres Leben zu führen. Aber bitte mach kleine Schritte nach vorn... Was du nun am wenigsten gebrauchen kannst, ist eine zu hohe Belastung.

Ich wünsche dir für deinen weiteren Weg alles Gute und hoffe, man hört wieder von dir, sobald es dir besser geht. Bleib stark.

I never run out of gas despite having an unbending philosophy in life of "Literally everything I do and will do is and would be worthless". Your body must be weird or something tbh Socializing is out of the question, no one is forcing you to do that but the most important thing you should know is to never run out of gas. A lot of happy (and also sad) things come to you by themselves as long as you're moving.

But I must guarantee you that not even a truck of cannabis and sexy bundas can help you with that. Silly hospitals won't do shit to your weird problem either of course; all they would do is milk money out of you. No one can treat you other than yourself.

Kunino Sagiri wrote:

the most important thing you should know is to never run out of gas.

Just eat lots of beans. Problem solved.

Kunino Sagiri wrote:

Silly hospitals won't do shit to your weird problem either of course; all they would do is milk money out of you. No one can treat you other than yourself.

Please don't give shit advice to people who are having mental/emotional issues.

Pituophis wrote:

Please don't give shit advice

It's not. Motivation to do anything initially comes from yourself before it comes from others. It's just how it is.

Kunino Sagiri wrote:

Silly hospitals won't do shit to your weird problem either of course; all they would do is milk money out of you. No one can treat you other than yourself.

Motivation to do anything initially comes from yourself before it comes from others. It's just how it is.

This is not true. Here is why:

• 
  1. Therapy is effective.
  
  There are many forms of therapy that were the subject of countless studies, testing them for effectiveness. One of the most studied therapies is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is ok to not just take my word for it, so here is a meta-study that reports on the efficacy of CBT.
  Conclusion of the study:
  Despite these weaknesses in some areas, it is clear that the evidence-base of CBT is enormous. Given the high cost-effectiveness of the intervention, it is surprising that many countries, including many developed nations, have not yet adopted CBT as the first-line intervention for mental disorders. A notable exception is the Improving Access to Psychological Therapies initiative by the National Health Commissioning in the United Kingdom (Rachman & Wilson, 2008). We believe that it is time that others follow suit.
  
  
  2. Mental hospitals in Germany provide a clean environment for the patients to live in.
  
  Having problems with hygiene isn't only doing you physical harm, but also great mental harm. It fundamentally destroys your self-worth. Moving to a clean environment is better than living in your own filth and slowly rotting away mentally and physically, while watching the whole process helplessly. You might argue that people that live in a clean environment will just revert to the old state when they come back home, but that isn't necessarily the case. Many patients work together with social workers to slowly reclaim their lives once they returned, which prevents them from returning to a position where their living situation slowly eats away at them. Having solved this significant problem, further progress can be made.
  
  
  3. Mental hospitals keep watch over suicidal people.
  
  You can't heal when you are dead. It is as simple as that.
  
  
  4. Mental hospitals provide a social life to people that have been formerly isolated.
  
  Social isolation is cruel, it really is. If maintained as default-state for too long, it can lead to severe social anxiety and self-esteem issues, which further prevents people from having social contacts. In mental hospitals, you have professionals talking to you, you also have the option of group-therapy and socializing with other patients. That way, people can slowly adjust to being social again - in an environment where they aren't judged with the worst our society has to offer.
  
  
  5. Mental hospitals don't milk people for money.
  
  Not in Germany at least. Germany has a social insurance system, and its working pretty well. You'd be surprised what is possible when wealth is distributed a bit more evenly and money actually reaches people in need. In most cases, the cost will be covered by your insurance.

"Change only comes from inside" is bullshit. It is way more complicated than that. Every living person is in a continuous feedback-relationship with the world around him, where external circumstances influence your mind and body, while their actions influence the external circumstances. By changing the external circumstances, great and horrible things can be done.

It is a generally accepted fact that negative change in people can be caused by changing their external circumstances. If you torture someone until they pass out and repeat that procedure twice a day for a year, your poor victim will without doubt come out of this completely fucked up. This is an example for negative change in a person, caused by external circumstances (an extreme example, but still valid).
Why shouldn't positive change work the same way? There is no reason to assume that positive change is something that is completely isolated and can not be made more likely by changes in peoples environments.

There are cases where getting help is the best option. Judging from the info OP gave us, it appears to me that this is such a case.

Please don't stand between people and the help that they seek by spreading misinformation and throwing out shallow statements like "It's just how it is". You aren't doing anyone a favor.

Railey2 wrote:

"Change only comes from inside" is bullshit.

I agree but I didn't even say this so who were you quoting? I can't believe you actually chose this thread to argue btw tbh smh

yeah, let's stop that right here

.

Hi, Luna!

wir kennen uns nicht, jedoch verstehe ich deine Lage zumindest annähernd und fühle mit dir.
Eine riesen Respekt dass du damit so offen umgehst.
Du wirst niemals wertlos sein, vergiss das nicht. Dein Kopf spielt dir teilweise einen Streich.

Soviele Leute sind froh dich zu kennen!
Auch das darfst du nicht vergessen! Du kannst also kein schlechter Mensch sein!

Der eigene Kopf kann manchmal der größte Feind sein, das merke ich selbst jeden Tag!
Antriebslosigkeit und dazu noch keine Perspektive zu haben kann wirklich Gift für Körper und Geist sein!
Das kann aber jeden Tag aufs neue wieder anders aussehen.
Wenn du eine Möglichkeit (wenn auch nur durch Zufall) findest, kann dein nächster Tag der schönste Tag deines Lebens werden. Lass dich drauf ein wenns passiert.
Zuviel denken lässt dich genauso Verzweifeln weil man einfach zu keiner lösung kommt.(muss man auch nicht, manchmal kommt sie aus dem nichts)
Verkrampfen bringt nichts!

Du hast soviele Leute hier, die für dich hoffen, dass du wieder gesund wirst!
Die Therapie ist nur ein Teil deiner Genesung! Mit sich selbst ins Reine zu kommen, der andere!
Verbissenheit ist nicht immer der richtige weg!
Verhalte dich so wie du möchtest und versuche nicht einem lebensstandart hinterherzurennen.
Versuch dich frei von Drängen zu entwickeln so wie du es willst, und stör dich nicht an irgendwelchen standards!

Es gibt soviele Sachen die darauf warten von dir entdeckt zu werden, die dir wieder neue Kraft schenken (sogar manchmal mehr als du denkst)
und dir sogar mehr als nur Freude bereiten.
Glaub mir, auch wenns für dich im Moment nicht so aussieht, du kannst es.

Versuche nicht jeden Fehlschlag sofort als mega fail abzustempeln, das macht dich sonst verrückt.
Es wird ein langer Weg, aber er wird es wert sein!

Lass dich nicht zu sehr mit Medikamenten vollpumpen, die helfen dir eher, dich komplett zu verschließen und evtl sogar dabei später noch schlimmere Gedanken zu haben.
Ein Klarer Kopf ist viel wichtiger als man annimmt.
Besonders solltest du auf deinen Körper hören, du kennst dich selbst am besten!

Ich hoffe dass du bald deinen eigenen Weg findest!
Melde dich bei uns wenn du mal einfach Quatschen willst. Du wirst als Mensch geschätzt und nicht weil du n guter Osu spieler bist...das hat damit rein gar nichts zu tun. Dein Skill ist absoluter Bonus zu deiner (wie ich finde) super netten Persönlichkeit!
Dass du dir darüber solche Gedanken machst sagt alles!

Lass dich nicht hängen und glaub an dich selbst!

DU KANNST ES!

Kunino Sagiri wrote:

I never run out of gas despite having an unbending philosophy in life of "Literally everything I do and will do is and would be worthless". Your body must be weird or something tbh Socializing is out of the question, no one is forcing you to do that but the most important thing you should know is to never run out of gas. A lot of happy (and also sad) things come to you by themselves as long as you're moving.

But I must guarantee you that not even a truck of cannabis and sexy bundas can help you with that. Silly hospitals won't do shit to your weird problem either of course; all they would do is milk money out of you. No one can treat you other than yourself.

Most retarded thing I've read lmfao gtfo

chaee wrote:

Kunino Sagiri wrote:

I never run out of gas despite having an unbending philosophy in life of "Literally everything I do and will do is and would be worthless". Your body must be weird or something tbh Socializing is out of the question, no one is forcing you to do that but the most important thing you should know is to never run out of gas. A lot of happy (and also sad) things come to you by themselves as long as you're moving.

But I must guarantee you that not even a truck of cannabis and sexy bundas can help you with that. Silly hospitals won't do shit to your weird problem either of course; all they would do is milk money out of you. No one can treat you other than yourself.

Most retarded thing I've read lmfao gtfo

read between the lines , also watch your words since you made both OP and "kunino sagiri" retarded...

Well, I'm out of the hospital for now. The stay was a bit shorter than expected, but I'm going into assisted living from now on, so that's a thing. Not exactly elated by that prospect, but I guess it's necessary...
In case anyone wants to know my precise diagnosis, for whatever crazy reason:
Severe depressive episode without psychotic symptoms (F32.2)
Obsessive-compulsive disorder - Predominantly obsessional thoughts or ruminations (F42.0)

Still don't feel like anything really improved, but maybe the added stability and structure from the assisted living will help. It's definitely going to be a long road, and so far it doesn't feel like it leads anywhere, but I guess I'll have to keep on going and maybe some day my situation will improve... Really hard to believe in that kind of stuff though.
Anyway, thanks for all the nice and encouraging words that everyone left for me. I'll try my best not to give up.

Welcome back.

nice to see you back home. hope the assisted living helps. feel free to hit me up if you see me around o/

It is kind of hard to believe whether your situation will get better or not but always remember that the osu! community believes in you that you can turn your life around and make it worthwhile.

It's always tough at first, but once you get past that initial hurdle, you'll be able to rummage through the rest of this long and bumpy road.

Willkommen zurück! /internet hugs