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NoHitter
Library please.

And we're back! :D
thelewa
STOP THIS MANDNESS
Trash Boat

thelewa wrote:

STOP THIS MADNESS
that's not an option, but people can vote for it now that you have offered it
Friendan
changing my vote
STOP THIS MANDNESS
Topic Starter
Bweh

thelewa wrote:

STOP THIS MANDNESS
Suddenly it hits you: why are you doing this?

You're a man of noble descent; the blood of heroes, kings, and maybe a couple of farmers runs through your veins! You can do anything, so why continue with this charade?

"STOP THIS MADNESS!" you shout out in the crowded plaza. The merchants and townsfolk turn away from their business to you. They freeze in their tracks.

But so are you.

In fact, you probably managed to stop time for a few seconds, but you were frozen too so it was more like nothing happened. The crowd retracts its attention from you and goes back to whatever they were doing. You can hear a mother say "Don't look at the strange man, sweetie."

Not having done a whole lot, you decide to go back to the library and read some more magical girl doujinshi. Maybe.


The Capital's Archives is one the largest structures in the city and perhaps the world, yet it happens to be one of the most deserted. Many theories suggest that it's due to the fact that anybody that had the literacy to read a book is now dead, gone, or simply isn't in the mood to read books. The Archive spans several colossal towers, holding tomes and records from all over the world dating to near pre-historic times. For some reason or another, one can also find books here from times that have yet to come.

You push open the front tower's colossal doors just enough so you can squeeze in, and slip into the gaping, pitch black dark.

A few moments in the void later, the interior lights up with dim candles running across the cylindrical spire. The darkness runs away as a myriad of bookshelves are revealed to you, coiling upwards and endlessly. With all that said, your attention is really just focused on the clerk desk in front of you.

"You again?" a voice calls out from the desk.

"Better get used to it. Where were those lil' picture strip books with the little girls on 'em again?"

You hear a sigh come from the desk. "Seventh floor, shelf to the left of the staircase... Are you sure you don't want to read something else?"

"Nah"

"I haven't had a regular here for years and you're only interested in magical girl comic books."

"Well, tell you what: if I see anything that tickles me fancy, I'll check that out with the picture strip books, alright?"

"..."

With little time to spare, you bolt up the steps, leaving the clerk to her devices.

Dragging your legs across cobwebs spun throughout the steps, you can only think about the fond memories of trudging through the snow back at home. Some part of you misses home. Your family and friends; your mother; your sister; even your father. Fuck, where are they now? What are they doing? What—

"Oh."

You arrive at the seventh floor, only slightly exhausted. Your first instinct is to turn to the section marked as DOUJIN with covers reading "MIKI MEETS DR OCTOPUS 2", "SAILING URANUS", "MY BIG BROTHER CAN'T BE A TENTACLE MONSTER", and so forth.

"NICE!"

However, your attention also skips to some other sections on the floor.

Maybe you should give them a go?

[] How To Build Anything
[] Hitler Did Everything Right
[] I Summoned a Lovecraftian Horror But Now My Student Council President Wants To Go Out With Me?!
[] More Magical Girl Doujins
Factorial
Hey, a forum game

[] Hitler Did Everything Right
Trash Boat
Not exactly a forum game

[X] More Magical Girl Doujins
Yuudachi-kun
[] More Magical Girl Doujins
Granger
[x] I Summoned a Lovecraftian Horror But Now My Student Council President Wants To Go Out With Me?!
Blue Stig
[X] I Summoned a Lovecraftian Horror But Now My Student Council President Wants To Go Out With Me?!
Topic Starter
Bweh
Tied? Well it's time to update so I'll just flip a coin.

[X] I Summoned a Lovecraftian Horror But Now My Student Council President Wants To Go Out With Me?!


Your eyes wander to the nearest section, the Light Novel section. You figure this is a good idea, because this place is too dark to be reading things in the first place.

You run your hand on the balustrade circling around the floor and approach the bookshelf. You pick the first book your hand can comfortably reach, and open it as if it were one of your magical girl doujins. A glossy paperback book is in your hands, with colorful text and images of what would seem like a frowning schoolgirl (if you lived some centuries in the future) printed against a stark white background. The contrasting images grab your attention immediately, forcing you to flip to the first page. The first page reads:

"THE END."

Fuck.

"Fuck."

You suppose this isn't like the little strip books you're used to.

You turn the book around.

"Oi wot the 'ell is this?! There's only words in 'ere!"

"Books tend to be that way, Mr. Cornelius", the clerk's voice echoes.

"Bloody hell."

You force yourself to read the first few lines, begrudgingly struggling with some of the simplest sentences. But it's not so hard, you think, after you flip the first page. Then your eyes skip to the next half of the book; and you flip again; and again; and again! If you didn't know any better, you would say that the book had sucked you in! It's as if you *were* Takeshi Takamichi in this amazing tale of incest and borderline bestiality!

"WHOA, A PICTURE!" you find a black and white drawing of the main character tripping headfirst into a schoolgirl's crotch.

Your amusement now tripled, you keep reading with great anticipation to find the next picture; hopefully being able to fully understand the context of the next illustration.


...

...

...

"Cornelius?" The clerk calls out.

"Huh? Oh, uh sorry, blanked out for a minute there. What was I doing?" You're standing at the front desk, a little sleepy and tired.

"You said you wanted to check out a book?"

"?" You look at your arm and, indeed, it is holding a book. It reads "I Summoned a Lovecraftian Horror But Now My Student Council President Wants To Go Out With Me?! Volume 11." You hand it to the clerk.

Her eyes narrow through her glasses as she inspects the book's colorful cover, but then sighs after opening the book.

"I suppose it's better than comic books..." She pulls out a stamp and slams it on a card on the back of the book. "Here you go."

"T-Thanks." You take the book, turn 90 degrees and walk out, unsure of what's really going on.

You push open one of the large doors and slip out, but not before hearing a "Come again!" ring out from behind. If only for an instant, you could've sworn your eye caught the clerk smiling.

[Light Novel added to Inventory]


The sun has dyed the sky a bright red; and the clouds stretch from one end of the horizon to the other. You figure you might have time to do something else, or at least try to remember what happened back at the library.

[] Go to the pub; grab a drink
[] Go to the inn; take a break
[] Go to the park; take a piss
Granger
[x] Go to the pub; grab a drink and ponder about the meaning of life.
Trash Boat

Granger wrote:

[x] Go to the pub; grab a drink and ponder about the meaning of life.
Friendan
go to the park and take a piss
Yuudachi-kun
[] Go to the park; take a piss
Blue Stig
[X] Go to the inn; take a break

You've just read a story that involves a lovecraftian horror.
I smell plot.









please be a red room please be a red room please be a red room...
NoHitter
Let's head to the inn.
Factorial
[] Go to the pub; grab a drink
ZenithPhantasm

Kheldragar wrote:

[] Go to the library, rub books together until you remember how to use one
Trash Boat
Going to the pub wins for majority
trebby
[x] Go to the park; take a piss

Ha, now they're tied.
Trash Boat

CuboidBeats wrote:

-snips-
Just no, not ever.
Topic Starter
Bweh
Coin again, I guess.

[X] Go to the pub; grab a drink


The recent disasters have caused great unrest among the general populace of Uff-Topia, adding a large number to the already countless bars and pubs in the capital. Due to the ease of brewing your own spirits here—as it is simply a matter of fermenting anything short of your own feces (although the Archives tell of a tome that did have some satisfactory results down that road)—the rule of thumb is that any building in the city is a pub unless stated otherwise.

Normally you *would* have great trouble with this, but you're exhausted in mind and body. You simply walk out of the Archive's district and walk into the first building you could find that didn't have a "NO ALCOHOL" sign on it.

You drag your feet to the counter and have a seat, placing your book on the stool next to you.

"One Appletini; easy on the tini."

...

No response.

You look up and find that there's nobody here—the pub's deserted. The wooden flooring is full of dust and weathering; the tables are scattered and broken; this place is a mess.

...

"BARKEEP!", you shout as you slam your hand on the counter. Your hand breaks through it.

You hear a thud from above and hear the sound of footsteps follow closely after. A man with short, grey, and frizzy hair appears from the doorway behind the counter, tying on an apron. You can only think that he's seen better days.

"E-Excuse me sir! What would you like?", he says as he adjusts his tie and tries to flash a smile.

"An appletini, please. Easy on the tini", you repeat while pulling out a splinter on your arm.

"...Sir, we only have beer."

"FINE GET ME SOME BEER, I'M HERE TA RELAX YA BLOODY DOLT!"

Alarmed, the man jerks to a keg behind him, fumbling around with some contraptions behind the counter. You could care less as your attention turns back to the light novel on the stool. You think about the Archive's clerk and how you're not really sure if she's either twenty or seventy. You'd probably hit that either way... but then you figure that this is not a good time to be thinking about head-hurting things and picture strip books.

"Here you go sir."

The tender sets down a glass of beer with bubbly froth nearly spilling out from the top.

"'BOUT TIME" you chug the swill down your throat. For a moment you feel a dull burn in your throat, but it soon fades to a relaxed pose. You put the glass down and lock eyes with the barkeep, who's eyes simply jolt away within the second.

...You suppose this is a good time to gather some info.


Aged around his thirties, the barkeep's name is Gerard. Quite tall and with chiseled features, he inherited the business from his father who, despite dealing with an oversaturated market, found relative success among the people of the capital's lower quarter. His build and heritage would imply otherwise, but the Gerard has no spine.

"...So was there anything else you'd like to know about the pub?"

"No, I was just wondering why the place looked like shit", you blurt out.

"Sadly all of the regulars either died or left the country... Without any publicity, the other pubs simply took the rest of my business..."

"Yeah I can figure as much", you're not particularly interested in any of this, but you've managed to get free beer off him by listening to his stories. "Can you just tell me about one more thing?"

"What is it?"

[] "You know any way to make good money around here?"
[] "You know anything about the clerk at the library?"
[] "What's the best way to get shit off of walls?"
[] Turn 359 degrees and walk away.
Yuudachi-kun
[] "What's the best way to get shit off of walls?"
Trash Boat
360 - 1
Granger
[x] "You know any way to make good money around here?"
trebby
[X] Turn 359 degrees and walk away.
I wonder how that'll work out.
Friendan
attempt sudoku
Topic Starter
Bweh
;) [X] Turn 359 degrees and walk away

You pull out a set of sunglasses and put them on.

"Tell me what's it like to not receive any fucks."

You kick up from your seat and spin on your heel, careful to not make a full spin while flipping the double bird, effectively telling the entire place to fuck off, except the one spot your light novel is sitting on.

"What?"

You moonwalk away.

"See ya later, mongrel", you say before exiting the pub.

Gerard stands behind counter perplexed, not having realized that you walked away with his beer, scotch-free.


You trip over a drunk man on the way back to the inn because wearing sunglasses at night isn't an exactly great idea. However, you put these glasses on for a reason, and that's because you don't have one.

You'd be damned if you took them off.

You drag your ass to the inn you've been staying, making sure to drop a keg of beer next to the sleeping Wallace so he's not too hungry in the morning.

"Oh, Corin, how ya doin?" The innkeeper calls to you as you trip over some stools.

"Fuck off." You go up the stairs and into your room, knocking tables over and reciting slurred and drunken banter along the way.


You open the door to your room and collapse on the floor. As your body embraces the pleasure of not having to stand up, you vaguely remember that you had shit all over the walls, the floor, the ceiling, the furniture... you were really just going for the bed though. The place is pretty clean now, though.

"Ahem."

You look up.


They even sent a maid to your room! Now you kind of feel bad about telling the innkeep to fu—

"HELLO!?"

Oh right, maid.

"Hullo madam, what's yer name?"

The lady in black gives off a sigh before walking up to you. Mesmerized by the sight of frills and laces, you're surprised when you're grabbed by the collar.

"Do you know what you've done?"

"Is this some kind of S&M play?" you dig S&M plays.

"Sir, we have a common bathroom for your use down the hall."

"You're not very good at S&M are ya?"

"Ugh."

The maid drags you across the room to the closet.

Kinky.

"YOU'RE GOING TO UNDERSTAND MY PAIN."

Very kinky.

The maid opens the closet door to reveal a huge, steaming pile of shit. From what you'd guess, it's probably not hers.

Eh, you could make this work.

"LICK IT. CLEAN."

Uhhhh

[] Lick it
[] Don't
[] Post more shit
[] Genuflect
Mr Capuce
[] Don't
trebby
I almost woke up my family from laughing so hard XD
[X] Lick it.
Cause why the hell not.
Granger
[x] Lick it
Factorial
[] Genuflect
Trash Boat
DON'T
Friendan
attempt sudoku
Yuudachi-kun
[] Post more shit
NoHitter
Oh dear... Lick it
Blue Stig
[X] Genuflect
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