actually going to my group therapy sessions
keremal wrote:
well actually, this is a bit less of what i've done to better myself, and more of a realization of what it is i'm doing that should be fixed sooner or later.
so because i like to play online games a bunch (play pokemon mmos, not the shitty ones, and osu), i started to notice that my grades aren't really looking up for the best right now. and at home, i'm starting to lack on my chores, which is supposed to help me "build up responsibility".
i always disregarded what my mom said about "you're going to have to take care of yourself when you grow up" and thought that if i could get good enough at competitive esport games that i could join a team, i'd do it, but i realize that there has to be some sort of a stepping stone for me to achieve that goal. and now that i'm not really focused on trying to play games like league of legends or rocket league, i'm a bit more skeptical to how my future is going to paint itself out. because i'm only 14 years old, i still don't have a good grasp on how my life is going to be in 4 years, or when i graduate. more like "if", at this point.
so i might start playing less games (10 hours or more per day as of right now), and focus more on my education rather than how i'm going to figure out how i would do 6k muscle memories on osu!mania. i might also take myself more seriously, because at this point in my life, i'm only eating lunch most of the days of the week, and i rarely drink water/liquids, and i wake up somewhat earlier than the rest of my family. thinking about how i'm going to do this, i might have to lose some of my online "friends" (quotations because i'm not sure anymore), but i practically died on discord. i didn't want to, but real life called, and i'm contemplating what would have happened if i still could use discord. as i type this, i wonder what could have been if i didn't die on discord, if i, i don't know, didn't leave. now, i didn't leave, technically, but i feel like there's a part of me that's missing, and the part that has an open gap in it is sucking out all the interest that i ever had in any subject that i liked doing, like drawing, or learning hiragana and katakana. and now, i feel like i don't even know myself anymore. i'm practically losing myself when i wake up everyday, waiting for the inevitable end of my online life. someday, and i don't know when, i'm going to lose interest in everything that i found fun, that i found, interesting. and after a few years, i'll be signing papers in some rundown office building, with each phase of my life slowly passing by, mocking me for "what could have been."
now this post sounds more like a sad life story than what i've done to better myself.
thats depressing as fuck dudeKuroTX wrote:
What I've done to better my self... well to be frankly honest, nothing, my life has been a shit hole since I was 7, ever since then I've been going to see many doctors and other people. Most days I come home from a shit day at school, lock my self in my room, play osu and some other games (Usually RPGs and MMOs) Because of my past, I'm not to trusted with freedom inside my school or the choices I make there as of an attempt I did to well extract my self a few years ago. It's not like I want to stay in school, get GCSE's ETC and move on to work a boring life waltzing around on train platforms, getting on the train causally just to go to work, do work, come back home, sleep; or any bull shit like that (and no, I can't live the life that I want). When it comes to online gaming, that's usually the only place that I feel safe/fit in... for about 8 years now of my life I've been depressed and honestly empty. My problem isn't to do with a falling out with a girl or, losing money or having a really bad family, unlike most problems surrounding depression, my one has no sollution, no end, no relief (No it's not fucking autism or ADHD), and that's why... I haven't and will never be able to do anything to better my self; my only plans are to grow up until I'm 30 maybe then die, that's about all I have planned for life.
Hope you get better dude. Really, just talking about the issues you have I feel is doing something to better yourself, so don't be so hard on yourself.KuroTX wrote:
What I've done to better my self... well to be frankly honest, nothing, my life has been a shit hole since I was 7, ever since then I've been going to see many doctors and other people. Most days I come home from a shit day at school, lock my self in my room, play osu and some other games (Usually RPGs and MMOs) Because of my past, I'm not to trusted with freedom inside my school or the choices I make there as of an attempt I did to well extract my self a few years ago. It's not like I want to stay in school, get GCSE's ETC and move on to work a boring life waltzing around on train platforms, getting on the train causally just to go to work, do work, come back home, sleep; or any bull shit like that (and no, I can't live the life that I want). When it comes to online gaming, that's usually the only place that I feel safe/fit in... for about 8 years now of my life I've been depressed and honestly empty. My problem isn't to do with a falling out with a girl or, losing money or having a really bad family, unlike most problems surrounding depression, my one has no sollution, no end, no relief (No it's not fucking autism or ADHD), and that's why... I haven't and will never be able to do anything to better my self; my only plans are to grow up until I'm 30 maybe then die, that's about all I have planned for life.
Probably 15kMomiji wrote:
what was your highest ever? mine was 11000 2 timesJordan wrote:
Eating 10k calories a day
YOU HAVE TO LIVE IT