Studying more English.

Started studying seriously after watching many of Gabby's videos lol
They're really helping me so far (:

Started doing the 'don't break the chain' exercise. I now edit every single day because of this exercise and it helps a lot!

I've been attending therapy for a year or so now, started working out more and getting into shape again. I've started focusing more on what I want to do with my life, study in college and overall focusing on changing myself and being more smart, mature and optimistic.

nothing i'm just going downfall

Started learning music theory and looking forwaring to producing/composing music. Also i've thought about going to UK or some other places out of my country for studing and tought about my future as well.
Starting to get confident about myself, stabilizing and becoming, slowly, the person i want to be.

As of 3 weeks today, i have come off of my pain medications (Was on them for 25 months). feeling better overall,looking better, depression is gone and i have also found someone. Fear not people, good things will come your way. just keep on smiling

Learn't to not take my family for granted because one day they wont be there.
Also managing to get myself together and start making something out of myself at collage instead of messing around throwing it all way like i did back at school.

I helped a guy that was his first time at the gym, he was so confused on what to do so I decided to show him around.

I have trust issues but lately I try to be more outgoing and open up to people. Turned out some people don't really like the real me. I made enemies but at the same time found some friends, too. That's just how life is I guess

I'm extremely insecure and end up not doing or finishing anything at all. This is the reason why I keep having depression on and off for years. But now instead of wasting my time thinking about all the negative stuff I just force myself to start doing things and center my attention on those before I start dwelling on unnecessary stuff. Tbh I can say that I'm happy right now. I haven't felt this happy for years now :>

After years of being on anti-depressants, I decided it was time to change my life around. I felt like a zombie, and was far from comfortable in my own skin. With that being said, I took MYSELF off the medication (disposed of it), and took my demons head-on. It's been a little bit of a struggle, in addition to some reason tragedy that has come up, but for the most part, I have been doing well.

The story never ends, so keep on puushing (pun intended). We will all find our way in this world, at one point or another.

started running again hopefully by next year i'll go back to kickboxing. or try a traditional martial art. im going to go insane if i have to wait a other year to punch/kick a heavy bag!

yall gay

SonGoku1337 wrote:

I probably will sound like a teenager who hates everything.. But i don't think thats the problem.

I didin't done anything better to myself. I even make it worse. So im 14 years old gonna be 15 after few months. And i have a lot to say. Maybe this thread isn't a place to post it but anyways. Im lazy, i dont go outside at all and i have anger issues and when i mean anger issues i mean reall really bad issues. I rarely talk to anyone even with my family is somebody tries to discuss something with me about future, how is it going in my school and etc after few minutes of talking i probably end up screaming and saying that i don't care about school i don't care about anyone just leave me be. And after screaming stupid things like that i realize what i done and i regret it instantly but i don't do anything about it. Its seems like some "darkness" are growing in me. I wish i would have courage to talk about it in real life.. I tried a few times without i just come to my mothers rooms and without saying a word i just almost started crying and just came back like nothing happened. And the more i delay stuff like that the more problems i have. I feel like i couldn't overcome them myself maybe i can get advice in here.

Now other problems. I don't study at all... Everything started ~3 years ago i just started to sleep in most classes i mostly sit in the middle and teachers dont mind me because im really quiet at school. I started to draw in my notebooks and this habit just grew larger and larger i stopped doing my homework. And played games all day watched anime. Before that i had some hobbies like really simple 3d modelling but i dropped that. I dropped photoshop and some other minor stuff. Then i started to skip school. And every time anyone from my family would try to talk about it i just would end up saying that i dont care i will do what i want. I know this is bad i know i have to do something. But i simply can't i just can't force it myself to do something i don't want...
Then i started to worry about my future because i have older sister who is in her last year. So she is discussing alot with my mother where she should to study. And then i realized that i have to do something about it but i didint know what i want to do.. The only idea that came up is something with pc programming etc.. But then i realized i need math to do something and but i slept through all my math classes. After that i tried to learn "python" but i dropped after few minutes saying myself "this is too confusing.. I will try tommorow bla blabla"..

About friends.. I could say i have them.. kinda.. I just spend all my school breaks with them listening what they talking. And answering something if they ask it about it.. I didint got bullied that much. Just a little bit and i think everyone was bullied at some point. I tried to play "LOL" with my friends but i just ended up play all those games like it would be soloq i just sat there quiet listening to music mostly rock and ignoring what they talked about.

So i hope to get some advice. And i know that i look completely hopeless.. Maybe you will think this post wont do anything to me and im lookin stupid but i feel a little better saying my problems even if its a little...

Sorry about all grammar mistakes..

holy sh... im 15 now i older than you, just watch some anime m8 D:

SonGoku1337 wrote:

I probably will sound like a teenager who hates everything.. But i don't think thats the problem.

I didin't done anything better to myself. I even make it worse. So im 14 years old gonna be 15 after few months. And i have a lot to say. Maybe this thread isn't a place to post it but anyways. Im lazy, i dont go outside at all and i have anger issues and when i mean anger issues i mean reall really bad issues. I rarely talk to anyone even with my family is somebody tries to discuss something with me about future, how is it going in my school and etc after few minutes of talking i probably end up screaming and saying that i don't care about school i don't care about anyone just leave me be. And after screaming stupid things like that i realize what i done and i regret it instantly but i don't do anything about it. Its seems like some "darkness" are growing in me. I wish i would have courage to talk about it in real life.. I tried a few times without i just come to my mothers rooms and without saying a word i just almost started crying and just came back like nothing happened. And the more i delay stuff like that the more problems i have. I feel like i couldn't overcome them myself maybe i can get advice in here.

Now other problems. I don't study at all... Everything started ~3 years ago i just started to sleep in most classes i mostly sit in the middle and teachers dont mind me because im really quiet at school. I started to draw in my notebooks and this habit just grew larger and larger i stopped doing my homework. And played games all day watched anime. Before that i had some hobbies like really simple 3d modelling but i dropped that. I dropped photoshop and some other minor stuff. Then i started to skip school. And every time anyone from my family would try to talk about it i just would end up saying that i dont care i will do what i want. I know this is bad i know i have to do something. But i simply can't i just can't force it myself to do something i don't want...
Then i started to worry about my future because i have older sister who is in her last year. So she is discussing alot with my mother where she should to study. And then i realized that i have to do something about it but i didint know what i want to do.. The only idea that came up is something with pc programming etc.. But then i realized i need math to do something and but i slept through all my math classes. After that i tried to learn "python" but i dropped after few minutes saying myself "this is too confusing.. I will try tommorow bla blabla"..

About friends.. I could say i have them.. kinda.. I just spend all my school breaks with them listening what they talking. And answering something if they ask it about it.. I didint got bullied that much. Just a little bit and i think everyone was bullied at some point. I tried to play "LOL" with my friends but i just ended up play all those games like it would be soloq i just sat there quiet listening to music mostly rock and ignoring what they talked about.

So i hope to get some advice. And i know that i look completely hopeless.. Maybe you will think this post wont do anything to me and im lookin stupid but i feel a little better saying my problems even if its a little...

Sorry about all grammar mistakes..

I feel you, im also 14 before October 10, our story's almost the same except for the school part(but I also took my studies very lightly). I think the problem with me(and with you.. i think) is that we lack affection/passion towards anything, it is so me to do things half-assed and I end up regretting what i did, or what decision i made. Right now tho, im doing my best to change this(i try to do things full-assed now haha.. just kidding), try to be positive at all times and give love everywhere(literally) just love everybody(especially ur family), try to have patience in dealing with people and stay chill and happy all the time. I hope this helps, cuz pretty much the same thing is happening to me ryt now. Goodluck to us =]

PS. I also dont know what to do in the future, i dont have any plans yet(probably something with programming too)

SonGoku1337 wrote:

I probably will sound like a teenager who hates everything.. But i don't think thats the problem.

I didin't done anything better to myself. I even make it worse. So im 14 years old gonna be 15 after few months. And i have a lot to say. Maybe this thread isn't a place to post it but anyways. Im lazy, i dont go outside at all and i have anger issues and when i mean anger issues i mean reall really bad issues. I rarely talk to anyone even with my family is somebody tries to discuss something with me about future, how is it going in my school and etc after few minutes of talking i probably end up screaming and saying that i don't care about school i don't care about anyone just leave me be. And after screaming stupid things like that i realize what i done and i regret it instantly but i don't do anything about it. Its seems like some "darkness" are growing in me. I wish i would have courage to talk about it in real life.. I tried a few times without i just come to my mothers rooms and without saying a word i just almost started crying and just came back like nothing happened. And the more i delay stuff like that the more problems i have. I feel like i couldn't overcome them myself maybe i can get advice in here.

Now other problems. I don't study at all... Everything started ~3 years ago i just started to sleep in most classes i mostly sit in the middle and teachers dont mind me because im really quiet at school. I started to draw in my notebooks and this habit just grew larger and larger i stopped doing my homework. And played games all day watched anime. Before that i had some hobbies like really simple 3d modelling but i dropped that. I dropped photoshop and some other minor stuff. Then i started to skip school. And every time anyone from my family would try to talk about it i just would end up saying that i dont care i will do what i want. I know this is bad i know i have to do something. But i simply can't i just can't force it myself to do something i don't want...
Then i started to worry about my future because i have older sister who is in her last year. So she is discussing alot with my mother where she should to study. And then i realized that i have to do something about it but i didint know what i want to do.. The only idea that came up is something with pc programming etc.. But then i realized i need math to do something and but i slept through all my math classes. After that i tried to learn "python" but i dropped after few minutes saying myself "this is too confusing.. I will try tommorow bla blabla"..

About friends.. I could say i have them.. kinda.. I just spend all my school breaks with them listening what they talking. And answering something if they ask it about it.. I didint got bullied that much. Just a little bit and i think everyone was bullied at some point. I tried to play "LOL" with my friends but i just ended up play all those games like it would be soloq i just sat there quiet listening to music mostly rock and ignoring what they talked about.

So i hope to get some advice. And i know that i look completely hopeless.. Maybe you will think this post wont do anything to me and im lookin stupid but i feel a little better saying my problems even if its a little...

Sorry about all grammar mistakes..

Hmm. I'm your age and I'm 15 in one month.

And after screaming stupid things like that i realize what i done and i regret it instantly but i don't do anything about it.

Try to say you're sorry and let them know you regret it. If you don't say anything, people are just going to think you don't have any problems and you're just rude.

I tried a few times without i just come to my mothers rooms and without saying a word i just almost started crying and just came back like nothing happened.

Keep trying and don't think about what may happen after you try and talk to her. Just go ahead and take the risk and say it, otherwise you're getting nowhere.

Then i started to skip school. And every time anyone from my family would try to talk about it i just would end up saying that i dont care i will do what i want. I know this is bad i know i have to do something.

Now this is bad. You should just start going to school again and ignore what anyone else thinks when you're there. School is super important, especially since you don't even know what you want to do in the future.

About friends.. I could say i have them.. kinda.. I just spend all my school breaks with them listening what they talking.

I had friends like this for about 2 and a half years of school. At first I thought it was fine, but it really wasn't. You should go and look for friends you can talk to about things you both like. It took me a while, going through different friends after friends, but it was worth it.

On topic:

I stopped playing osu and other games so much and actually started focusing on school a little bit after school. It's helpful.

.

Chiuyo wrote:

I've been trying to ignore everything that stresses me and I got back to college again, and actually doing my homework and things I've missed. Unfortunetly life isn't always fair and yesterday I got hit by a car and resulted in me not being able to move my right leg at all and broke my thumb. Meh, now I have to start all over, haha.

?????? why would you share it lol, seeking attention much??

Katsu wrote:

Chiuyo wrote:

I've been trying to ignore everything that stresses me and I got back to college again, and actually doing my homework and things I've missed. Unfortunetly life isn't always fair and yesterday I got hit by a car and resulted in me not being able to move my right leg at all and broke my thumb. Meh, now I have to start all over, haha.

?????? why would you share it lol, seeking attention much??

Nowhere did I seek any attention and if so, please be kind to share. I simply wrote the progress and what has happened in my life. Stop jumping to conclusions and trying to make someones day shittier than it is. Good bye.

Edit: If you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, too bad. But I wont argue over the internet sorry. Bye.

Chiuyo wrote:

Just how am I seeking attention? This is a thread where you write what you have done to better yourself lately, what happened to me yesterday basically set a wall into my progress in life. So please, don't.

yeah, getting hit by a car made you so much better, pls. if that's not seeking for people's attention and trying to get sympathy then what is it?
and congrats on breaking thumb only, don't lose your right leg, would be a waste

Chiuyo wrote:

I've been trying to ignore everything that stresses me and I got back to college again, and actually doing my homework and things I've missed. Unfortunetly life isn't always fair and yesterday I got hit by a car and resulted in me not being able to move my right leg at all and broke my thumb. Meh, now I have to start all over, haha.

what does matter is.. was the car diesel, gasoline or gpl?

AlecszkA wrote:

Chiuyo wrote:

I've been trying to ignore everything that stresses me and I got back to college again, and actually doing my homework and things I've missed. Unfortunetly life isn't always fair and yesterday I got hit by a car and resulted in me not being able to move my right leg at all and broke my thumb. Meh, now I have to start all over, haha.

what does matter is.. was the car diesel, gasoline or gpl?

I think it ran on electricity, hence why she didn't die. Those electric cars are hella slow.

.

I've developed my blog into my own personal website so I guess I'm getting my ideas heard and am one step closer to promoting myself to potential employers. Life is getting too real now.

Katsu wrote:

Chiuyo wrote:

Just how am I seeking attention? This is a thread where you write what you have done to better yourself lately, what happened to me yesterday basically set a wall into my progress in life. So please, don't.

yeah, getting hit by a car made you so much better, pls. if that's not seeking for people's attention and trying to get sympathy then what is it?
and congrats on breaking thumb only, don't lose your right leg, would be a waste

I think you definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
Getting hit by a car can change you in many ways, and I bet it would change you aswell. Even the fact, that the driver could've killed you if he would have hit you with more speed etc. Think about it.

---
This could be a bit longer, so no flames plz. :')


At the moment im pretty much trying to get my life together once again. I've always been a very very lazy and introverted person my entire life. I just can't motivate myself to do something, or to finish something that I started.

Everything pretty much started in my first 8 years of school, where I was bullied constantly, and obviously had no friends in these years. Even the kids in my neighborhood back then made fun of me etc.
I never told anyone about it, even my parents didn't know about that. I don't even know why I never told anyone. May I was thinking that it would get even worse if I open my mouth and tell someone. I hated life in these years, even when I started to not give a single shit about what these people said after some time. I just lived with the fact that I'm a person no one gives a fuck about. The only way to find "Friends" at this time for me was by playing Video Games. World of Warcraft, CS etc. Everything online just helped me to flee from everything that was happening IRL.

After these 8 years I got into a new school once again, and finally found friends there. My life got completetly turned around, and everything was getting better.
As I completed my 3 years there, the contact to these people got reduced drastically, and i almost never met them again. Maybe 2-3 times every 4-5 months. Maybe it was my fault, I dont know. But I was pretty much okay with that.
Got a girlfriend shortly after I finished school, and had a pretty long and nice relationship until she cheated on me. It fucked me so damn hard. She even did that over a period of 2 Months while she was in a boarding home. This was like ~7 Months ago, and it took me a long time to get over it. Fuck her =)

2 Months ago, I decided to do something because sitting behind my Screen for 14-15 Hours straight was getting on my nerves already. Now I'm going to the gym actively, where I met people that I hang out with the most of the time. Online and Offline. I think these guys are pretty much the reason that I got such a big motivation boost, after all the crap that happened all the years ago. It's good to have people around you, which really care about you as a friend.

.

Katsu wrote:

Chiuyo wrote:

Just how am I seeking attention? This is a thread where you write what you have done to better yourself lately, what happened to me yesterday basically set a wall into my progress in life. So please, don't.

yeah, getting hit by a car made you so much better, pls. if that's not seeking for people's attention and trying to get sympathy then what is it?
and congrats on breaking thumb only, don't lose your right leg, would be a waste

You're a dick, Katsu.

I've always been the lonely type of guy, loads of friends online and in-game(s) but never really any in real life, I was always the type that kinda just tagged along and never got invited too anything. I have my own personal things to better just like everyone else, but not all of them I feel comfortable with sharing, plus, I like to keep to happy posts.

Today, after wanting to do it for quite a while I finally filled out a form to become an organ donor in the UK. Having the chance to at least do something valuable once I'm gone gives a nice feeling. Also applied for my second job after my first didn't go so well (low wage, taken advantage of etc) and have an interview on Saturday. One of the most uplifting days I've had in a while so I guess it counts as bettering myself, definitely bettering my happiness at least.

I'm studying a lot and doing great with my final exams on my art course. I decided to take this course after trying the science course (and failing miserably at it), and I don't regret it. Now I'm more open to people. I used to be lonely, and kinda hater too. I'd talk shit about people I barely know. I thought that the people around me was the problem, but it was me alone the whole time. I also believed people was isolating me and such, but I was the one isolating myself from the world. I'd listen to music even in school with my earphones, draw doodles on my notebook, and sit alone. Now I enjoy talking with people, going out, and I'm not as shy as I used to be. I'm still kinda shy to people I don't know but I can talk with anybody without feeling nervous.

It may look like the art course doesn't have anything to do with this, but it does. I lost a lot of my shyness because as an art student I have to do things in front of a lot of people, like singing, dancing, acting, etc. It was very difficult for me at first, but I got used to it and feel proud of myself.

Kei wrote:

I'm studying a lot and doing great with my final exams on my art course. I decided to take this course after trying the science course (and failing miserably at it), and I don't regret it. Now I'm more open to people. I used to be lonely, and kinda hater too. I'd talk shit about people I barely know. I thought that the people around me was the problem, but it was me alone the whole time. I also believed people was isolating me and such, but I was the one isolating myself from the world. I'd listen to music even in school with my earphones, draw doodles on my notebook, and sit alone. Now I enjoy talking with people, going out, and I'm not as shy as I used to be. I'm still kinda shy to people I don't know but I can talk with anybody without feeling nervous.

It may look like the art course doesn't have anything to do with this, but it does. I lost a lot of my shyness because as an art student I have to do things in front of a lot of people, like singing, dancing, acting, etc. It was very difficult for me at first, but I got used to it and feel proud of myself.

Not to mention that Art student need alot of relations with people, by alot.. i mean... ALOT

Anyway, good luck on the course that you picked up, based on my experiences, Art students tend to be more expressive and outgoing... I think...

I talked to other people about my problems, since the person I really want to talk about my problems to, is the problem.

Furthering my education. Got in contact with them again after a long time of being a professional hikikomori for the past year. Hopefully this will lead to good things.

Meanwhile I just spent 25 hours on this gaint-ass rubik's cube.
Ended up giving me a shit ton of publicity. Guess that's also one way of bettering myself?

Watched Boruto: Naruto the Movie and Finished Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm 3 Full Burst.

some of you may remember my struggles from earlier this year. i've had the hardest time in my life at my new job, my co-workers hated me and i basically felt like shit for half a year. i tried my hardest to find a new job but i couldn't find one. i got frustrated and lost the remaining motivation i had left. the whole situation impacted my relationship a lot. now, three months into my new job i'm really happy again. everybody is really nice and not as young as my past co-workers were. they are really experienced and willing to help, they know that working is still new to me so they explain everything. i'm not earning as much money as before, but i'm way happier but i'm saving as much money as i can so i can move out with my boyfriend next year, it'll be our first flat, but with him still going to school until october that's still in the future. so always remember: even the shittiest times pass, you'll be happy once again. it just takes a while.

Now that I really think about it, I've actually done quite a lot in various aspects, I'll start off with myself and go onto other things...

Myself

After finishing school, i didnt know what I wanted to do with myself, get into a sporting carrer (working in a gym or something) but that wasnt for me. After looking around places, I decided to enroll into college and do games development because 1. I love me some games and 2. I enjoy seeing how they're made and how the mechanics work. As of now, i dont regret that one bit and i probably will never regret it. By the end of my 2 years there, i will have had the chance to actually MAKE my own game by myself or with friends and we already have an idea. This game wont be made on a low budget program like scratch but it will infact be made on either Unity or Cry Engine and we have already started making parts on Cry Engine (for those who dont know, Cry Engine is the equivalent to the Unreal Engine which is used in Far Cry 4 and such) As well as this, a Ubisoft brach just opened in my city and that is where im aiming to get to, Working in Ubisoft.

On top of all of the gaming, i've been doing a lot of work for charity. A couple of years ago, my brother in law, a couple of his friends and myself rode a bike from the north east of England (where i live) to London to watch a Football match (soccer for others). During this, we raised about £15,000 for breast cancer research and didnt get an injury as well as 'appearing' on the radio. The reasoning behind this was just 'Hey, lets do this for charity because we have nothing else to do' we done it because my brother in law lost his mother to breast cancer about a year before the initial fund raising and we all did it for her. now before this gets too sad, im going to move on.

Gaming

Since im doing a gaming cource in college, i get to play more games that anyone else does. Since i like seeing the mechanics and such, i've been working out little tricks and tip to help me improve. Lets take CS:GO for example. If anyone plays csgo and doesnt know about this, you might want to read. I didnt find this myself, i found a youtube video about it however i tried it with a few friends and it works perfectly. Now the trick is, when throwing a flashbang or other grenade off the ground, it bounces back up to about waist height. On the other hand, if you walk backwards when throwing it, it bounces over the height of 2 player models...remember that. Now im going to put you into a scenario. You're CT on dust II, behind the boxes on site, A terrorist is running in from catwalk and you miss your first few shots. If you crouch, look down at an angle, walk backwards and throw the flashbang the terrorist wont have time to react to it. By the time the flashbang hits the boxes, its already gone off, giving you a free kill. Try it, it works.

Osu!

I've been making slight improvements on osu over the past few days, I passed my first maps that are 4 stars and AR8, but when i havent been doing so good, ive been watching back at my own replays as well as other peoples replays and an auto run of the beatmap to see where my problems are. I notice that i need to work on my jumps and my streams just a bit. I have also reduced the amount of times i retry a map from 5 to 3. If i dont pass the map in 3 tries, i play others for about 30 - 45 minutes and go back to the map im struggling on. I actually passed Everything Will Freeze [Insane] like this. I freaked out in chat :/

Music

After getting so into music, i decided to go out of my way and buy FL Studio 12 as well as a few plugins for it. Im now teaching myself, pretty much, how to make my own songs. I'm startig to make Hardstyle under the name ObliivEden and am still yet to finish my first song. It took me 4 months to make a hardstyle kick and currently hae a draft of my first song on soundcloud which i dont have a name for but i am tempted to name it 'Ambience'. Currently, i let my emotions decide the song will sound. If im sad, a rather emotional melody, if im happy, a nice up-beat melody. If you want to listen to the first draft of the song the link is Here.

Sorry for the lengthy responce but that is everything. Doing all of this has made me so much happier because i actually get to do what I want to do and im not forced to do things like i was in school. Everything i have mentioned can link into my own happiness as well as my education and i couldnt be more thankful for this opportunity. I get to make my own things. Games, Music, Everything!

Welp, I had successful high school years...then college happened.
I fell dramatically. However, this is a good chance to look into myself.

I admit my flaws, try to fix them:

1. I tend to give up if it is incredibly stressful. Like, I wouldn't study for a midterm until the night before. Although the world seems to be falling into pieces and I feel like I want to cry, I learned to keep doing my best. Better to get a C- than fail, right? It takes a bit more effort to achieve higher. I think even five more minutes can make a difference.
2. I am pessimistic: I try to look towards positive ends by having something to look forward to. I often reward myself with small stuff, like calling someone, shopping, or desserts.
3. My relationships are not always good: Still trying to figure this out. Often times, it is miscommunication. It's the best to approach the person and talk it out. Also I get to know myself this way.
4. I always think that I don't have to be perfect, since that puts me into great stress. I don't "better myself," rather find ways to deal with it

This is not how I improved myself, these are just the problems I am facing

My mental health is going to deep shit. I constantly feel pressured by other expectations (good grades, lots of studying, pass my university exams etc) and I always fall short. I am trying to perform well at tests and stuff but I get so anxious that I forget things I remembered a second ago. There's been some really unsatisfying grades that I have told no one about. I try to put a happy face on for everyone around me, trying to hide my unhappiness to not affect others negatively but I am afraid that this cover will not last forever. I've been feeling gloomy and I just want to give up on everything. Any advice?

Shga wrote:

This is not how I improved myself, these are just the problems I am facing

My mental health is going to deep shit. I constantly feel pressured by other expectations (good grades, lots of studying, pass my university exams etc) and I always fall short. I am trying to perform well at tests and stuff but I get so anxious that I forget things I remembered a second ago. There's been some really unsatisfying grades that I have told no one about. I try to put a happy face on for everyone around me, trying to hide my unhappiness to not affect others negatively but I am afraid that this cover will not last forever. I've been feeling gloomy and I just want to give up on everything. Any advice?

wow I feel you. I have the exact same problem as you. Anxiety kills me every time I have to do a very important test, like finals. I also feel under pressure as well because I did badly during past years, and I kind of disappointed my parents for my mistakes. I'm done with my studies since 3 weeks ago or so, but even with anxiety, everything went well at the end. I was able to pull off the best of myself and approve every subject. You have to believe in yourself. Try to study more. In my case, If I study 3 or 2 days before the exam day anxiety takes over me but if I study periodically before the test day I feel more secure and my attitude changes as well. I feel more positive, and stop fearing that my mind will get blank all of a sudden during the exam. This is just my case though, maybe it's not exactly like that for you.

Give yourself time. You're pushing yourself too much. Also, try to don't think too much about what others expect about you and what they'll say about it because it will make your situation even harder to deal with and it will torture you to no end. If you feel too anxious you can try drinking a cup of linden tea. I recommend you this so much. Whenever I drink a cup of linden tea, it soothes my nerves significantly. This kind of tea helped me to relax and focus more when studying. I think it's the best thing you can try to handle anxiety. It works for me.

I also think you need more support as you said you're hiding your worries and problems from everyone. I had support from some friends and it helped me a lot to gain some self-confidence. They were always rooting for me and promising it'd be all okay (and they were right!).

I hope this helps you. I felt so identified with your post so I thought this would help you with your problem, as it helped me when I was in a very similar situation. I also hope you can overcome this!

Simple.
Making myself a bit more lack of emotion. It starts to be more annoying than ever because it even dares to rule my outstanding logical realistic mindset more than ever. Doesn't mean I'm entirely a sociopath since I still have some left, but it's just way better now.