Tess wrote:

You're not bad, you're inexperienced. People are really pessimistic, self-loathing creatures, and they'll try to bring themselves (and each other) down at every opportunity they can find. They bring themselves down because they feel like they're not good enough and they bring others down because the grass is greener on the other side.

I mean, think about it. Let's say you meet a hobo who tells you that he used to be a hard working man but then his grandfather died and he inherited his ginormous debts and lost everything, still being in debt to several companies to this day. Would you make fun of him for that? I can't think of anyone in their right mind who would see that as a reason to make fun of him, or put him down by saying he's a broke fuck or something. Yes, he is broke, he's homeless, he has less money than most people - that's an undeniable fact. But if he found a shitty job at the McDonalds a week later and barely earned any pay while trying his best, would he be shit? Would he suck? Would he be bad?

No, because despite it being incredibly hard for him, he's still trying his best to work himself back into a normal life from the bottom up. Even if he may not end up as a millionaire in the future, if he managed to end up with a decent job, clear out all his debts and buy a decent house, that'd be way more impressive than someone who was born in a wealthy family and inherited their father's business after he died. It's similar everywhere, really. People won't really bring someone down for not being good at something, they'll only bring someone down out of jealousy or some other personal problem. So don't let it get to you because someone belittling you for something is most likely just mad at themselves about something else.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that you need to stop looking at your progress relative to that of others. That only really holds you back. Reason being that seeing someone else as #1 automatically makes you believe you're #2, and even if you'd have the capacity to #1, you believing that you can't make it there will prevent you from making it there. That's just how brains work. If instead of trying to compete with others you compete with yourself, you will most likely achieve the most optimal results. Because you can't really get jealous at yourself, or say that you aren't as predisposed at being good at this game as yourself. That said, some people will still get jealous at their past selves (I know I did) and that works pretty much the same as being jealous at someone else, it's only a tad bit dumber.

The best thing to do is look at your progress relative to yourself. If you beat your top performance, that's an achievement, and you should be proud of it, no matter what kind of performance it is. When I got my current top performance, I was super proud and excited about it, and I still am proud of it. Should I be less proud of it because it's not a Remote Control HDDT FC worth >550pp? Wouldn't it be much more productive to use my pride and excitement for that score as a fuel to get more similar and possibly even better scores than to call myself shit just because it's not the best of the best?

This community doesn't help, though. I know of the Touhou community that they'll be much more impressed at someone who manages to clear their first Hard after weeks of trying than at a veteran player who 1cc's a Lunatic for the umptieth time. Yes, it's very impressive to watch a pro player do their thing, but it's much harder for a shit player to clear a Hard than it is for a pro player to 1cc a Lunatic.

Perhaps it'd help if everybody didn't go full Oprah with "I suck! You suck! Everybody sucks !!!!xcept cokesi xD" and actually praised each other for their achievements no matter where on the progress bar they are, so long as it's an improvement from what they were already good at. By that logic, hvick's Hoshizora play is just as impressive as a 50K who FCs their first Insane after going through a lot of trouble and effort to get there. To me, the 50K would be more impressive, but I expect most players will continue to stay superficial and only be impressed by what they can't do, rather than compliment each other for their hard work.

tl;dr In an ideal world FL would be a respected and honorable mod

Tess wrote:

cheezstik wrote:

Being realistic, yes, he would suck, he would be bad. Ofc you wouldn't tell him that or make fun of him for that, cos that is a much more serious, important topic, and you would come off as insensitive and a dick for that, since real life in general is much harder and more serious than being good at a game, and not even a competitive game at that, osu is more for fun than the games with e-sports communities and people making a living off of them. I couldn't really give a shit if someone told me I'm bad at a game, but I can see how someone like that hobo might be upset if you called him bad for his situation.

Tl;dr games (or at least osu and other non competitive games) and being bad at them don't matter, having a good job and a home and shit IRL does.

Did you know that watching someone get abused and mistreated makes your brain react similarly to the brain of the person being abused?
Or that when someone attacks you verbally, your body and brain respond in the same way as when someone would attack you physically?
Or that telling someone that they're bad at a game affects them just as much as telling them that they're bad at anything else?

Thing is, people like to attach values to things. "This is good", "this is okay", "this is horrible", "this is very good", and "that is very bad". But each person attaches different kinds of values to different things, and then fails to understand how someone else could value things differently than they do. Most people think that they understand what's right and wrong while there isn't really an objective right or wrong. Those are just words for things people like and don't like.

So, yes. It is true that having a house and a way to put food on the table should be prioritized over a game. However, fact of the matter is that someone who doesn't have to worry about those things will prioritize things that aren't a basal need for them. And then a game can become very important, sometimes it becomes even more important than eating to someone. Sure, it might not be what they need, but that doesn't make it any less important to them. Who are you to tell them that their most important thing in life doesn't matter? Would you say that their mother doesn't matter? I can see you thinking "lol but this is a game it's very different from mothers", but the fact that people need a mother more than a game doesn't change the fact that saying a game someone cares about a lot doesn't matter is a similar act.

Always remember that people will think in ways that you don't, can't and won't understand, and you need to respect that. You can only really say something about if they're, say, neglecting their children because they care more about the game. That's not the case in this context though.

In short, how important something is to you or to humans in general doesn't change the fact that talking down on something important to someone else is a horrible thing to do, especially if that thing doesn't harm them or others in the slightest.

Tess wrote:

cheezstik wrote:

Well, what you say is true, but I won't randomly talk to someone and say they are bad, I would only tell someone what I think of them if they asked "am I good?" or "how am I at osu" or something along those lines. Ofc I'm gonna give a realistic answer, if they didn't wanna hear that, then they are obviously just fishing for compliments, or should've just said "tell me I'm good pls", and I don't really care if I offend a person like that, cos they are just asking for it. If neither of those are the case, then they don't mind being called bad, cos they are also realistic.

My point though is that the way you approach giving such feedback can make or break a player. Here are several answers you can give to a mediocre player asking "Am I good?":

"No." "Better than the really shitty players." "Do you think you're good?" "Are you better than you used to be?" "Does it matter?" "lol no" "Yeah you're awesome!!"

Among others. As you can see some of these are downright cold or mean, while others are lies or white lies, and yet others are true but also not hurtful. That's what I like about the Touhou community - they won't tell you you're pro if you're not, but they will commend you for the achievements you did make, no matter how easy those are for most players - as long as they were hard to achieve for you.

So basically just watch your wording because it matters way more than you think.