Aireunaeus wrote:
Serious talk
Getting a gf is quite hard. All you can do is to leave the house and meet some girl in a bar, school, church, conventions etc.. anywhere and try to make them interested from you. And the biggest rule is not to be a weird guy. Even though you might fail, doesn’t mean you have to give up. If you want to win them back, then let it. Just learn the mistakes and if it’s too much, take a break and talk with your close friends or family. (But im just rambling like some guy from youtube or tiktok or smth). So basically, just be yourself.
I'm going to be speaking out of my ass here, based on my own experiences, because I didn't have a GF, I don't have one and I am struggling with the idea that I might never have one.
Frankly, this isn't really all that good of an advice. Circumstances regarding one's social skills, mental health, environment, etc. affect their ability to go talk to a girl and attempt to get a date. For example, going to a bar here to hit on girls is on the same level of impossible as stopping time for me. At university, I have quite a hard time talking to most girls. I was able to talk to some of them because they saw I was more shy and introverted and they made an effort to make it easy for me to engage, and I'm extremely thankful for them for doing so. Some girls, in fact, I believe most, won't do that, for a variety of reasons.
If a girl rejects you, most of the time, you can't learn anything from it. She can reject you for a multitude of reasons, most of them stemming simply from the fact she didn't enjoy being around you, even if you weren't weird and forceful. Thus, what can you extract from that? Nothing, besides that the girl you just asked isn't interested.
Now, your advice isn't wrong, but it requires more than just going out. I'm going to assume that OP asked this seriously. If they did, they are likely struggling with talking to girls. Forcing themselves to interact with girls will likely damage their already low self-esteem regarding this. Thus, this isn't the approach I believe one in my situation should take. The approach here is a bit more complex than just going to talk to girls. This is a loop that you can't really break out of it by sheer brute force.
Since I'm in the same bucket as OP, here are the things, I believe, I should do to get a girlfriend:
- Realize that a romantic relationship isn't that important: because it isn't. It is nice, it adds a lot to one's life, but it isn't the end all, be all. There are many other things someone could do with their life, especially if they're young. For example, instead of chasing for girls, I could study more and get a head start in my career, which will help out with the survival aspect of the relationship (because while girls earn their money nowadays, they certainly don't complain if their guy gets money too).
- Mend and cultivate the relationship with yourself and with others around you already: most likely, you're already surrounded by people. Family, friends, acquaintances. Attempt to deepen your connection with them. This is also great to see what they think about your struggles with finding love. Don't be afraid to open up. As for the relationship you have with yourself, well, you will need to sit down and talk with you and try to be understanding. If you aren't happy with yourself, you aren't going to find someone who will love you truly, in my opinion.
- Cultivate hobbies: Anything goes, just don't go for very weird stuff. Let it happen naturally too. Boredom will guide you through things and will spark curiosity in things better than you could by brute forcing it.
- Get out: It is a good tip, but do it with people you trust, not alone. Ask them if they can invite someone you don't know already. Boy, girl, doesn't matter. The idea is that you get to spend more time socially. If possible, don't force yourself to do things you don't want. If you don't like something, even if you didn't try it, it very likely won't work, so don't force it. Being true to yourself is better than forcing yourself. You only get one life, yes, but why waste it doing things you won't enjoy.
- Do stuff for your own sake: this ties to the relationship you have with yourself. For example, I'm a pretty chunky boy. I would like to slim up for my own health. It will help with girls too, absolutely, but if that's my main goal, it won't work. The spark for something should be internal, not external, wherever possible.
- Let it happen naturally: ultimately, after all of this, you may or may not find a girlfriend, however, not finding one won't be as bad as before, thus increasing your chances more to find someone. Going out in places you enjoy and being yourself, actively mending and strengthening your relationship with yourself and others, being more self-aware and honest with yourself and others will eventually lead you to someone and things will likely naturally click.