Finally I realised that love is shit.
Okay, maybe not. But it's the first time for years that I don't feel I'm in love with someone, and I feel very relaxed this way.
My last relationship (10 months long) ended a few months ago in the worst way possible, with her breaking up with me after a month of indecisition from her about our relationship. I didn't wanted to end our relationship and I even did my best to avoid because I thought that if she left me, I wouldn't be able to rely on anyone else anymore and I would become extremely lonely (I lost most of my friends the prior months for several stupid reasons bc I'm a narrow-minded). Finally, she got definitely tired of me and broke up with me. Later I realised she cheated on me days before while she was on holidays in another city. Maybe it would sound stupid but anything before did hurt in my pride the way that did. Because of some other reasons (I cried my sadness ON HER because I thought I didn't had anything else, and that only did hurt me even more and more) we broke up any contact a few weeks after breaking up. At the beggining I felt really lonely but I'd managed to go through that and, fortunately, things got better.
Then I realised that for the first time in many years (three or four, maybe), I'm no longer thinking about any "special person" anymore. Maybe things from the past come in my mind because they are really recent, but they slowly vanish from my mind, appearing less and less often. In that four years, I've been in three relationships, with little breaks (1 year the longest), jumping from one girl to another, trying to fill the void in my heart with a love partner. Now I am understanding what kind of a fool I've been from all that time. Also, that relationships and all the people who was around it taught me many things. I had a long-distance relationship and I don't want it anymore. I had a very fast growing relationship (in 2 months we went from total strangers to a formal couple) and it vanished faster that it grew. I did know that people who encourages you to have a relationship with someone for its own will is going to confuse and maybe hurt you, and I did the very most mistake of all: I did start a relationship with a girl who I considered my best friend before going out. She almost ruined me emotionally.
Thankfully, all of that has already passed, and I want to look forward. I have to thank that I still have friends and I can count on them for anything, so, maybe a little rest for love could be good for me, and I'll only be there, sitting in a chair, without expecting anything, letting love knock at my door quietly and slowly. Maybe in other issues is not my best moment, but in love it is. You would think "But he isn't even in love with anyone!", but for that reason is why I feel that good right now. Love gave me a lot of insecurities and bad feelings that now I don't have, so, I recommend that if you are hurt or desperated about looking for a boy/girlfriend, relax, and take it easy. Things go in their own flow, and love will knock on your door someday. In my language there's an expression which says "Who doesn't look for it, finds it".
Sorry if my English is confusing but I wanted to say it. Looking for love is not the only way and I finally realised it.