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Aurele

Luxie wrote:

all i know is im single and ready to eat pringles
this.


feels like relationship will be impossible for me..
I hate to be a gay-kid.
Cloudchaser
As much as I try to truly love someone, I always disappoint...
I wanted to be in a relationship with a guy what I really fell in love but he create stupids and so fake excuses for not be with me. "I'm not ready for a relationship" "I want to focus on my studies"
Bullshit. I saw the guy got a gf before he said no to you in the past and see him with a girl...I didn't understand...It just made me feel so fucking bad. "What have I done bad?"
I felt so confused, sad and frustrated...
Well... It's not the first time what it happens to me the same with other guys, It hurts and I'm bored of it.
Although I feel a bit better now, I feel so lonely and I really want a warm hug...my heart is really sad and alone.
I'm not interested to be in a relationship for now untill someone shows interest on me. I don't want to lose my time with worthless people.

brb crying
[Luanny]
friends > relationship
this is like a rule
Cloudchaser
Chocolate bar is my best friend, well...
[Luanny]
Whenever people ask me for advice (why the hell they even ask ME for advice?) I say "chocolate ice cream solves all your problems"
A long and warm bath is also extremely healing
They never failed :3
Foxtrot

[Luanny] wrote:

Whenever people ask me for advice (why the hell they even ask ME for advice?) I say "chocolate ice cream solves all your problems"
A long and warm bath is also extremely healing
They never failed :3
or suicide
Jarby

[Luanny] wrote:

Whenever people ask me for advice (why the hell they even ask ME for advice?) I say "chocolate ice cream solves all your problems"
A long and warm bath is also extremely healing
They never failed :3
I'm self conscious about my weight and I don't have a bath anymore

jerk ;_;
Martinawa
Finally I realised that love is shit.

Okay, maybe not. But it's the first time for years that I don't feel I'm in love with someone, and I feel very relaxed this way.

My last relationship (10 months long) ended a few months ago in the worst way possible, with her breaking up with me after a month of indecisition from her about our relationship. I didn't wanted to end our relationship and I even did my best to avoid because I thought that if she left me, I wouldn't be able to rely on anyone else anymore and I would become extremely lonely (I lost most of my friends the prior months for several stupid reasons bc I'm a narrow-minded). Finally, she got definitely tired of me and broke up with me. Later I realised she cheated on me days before while she was on holidays in another city. Maybe it would sound stupid but anything before did hurt in my pride the way that did. Because of some other reasons (I cried my sadness ON HER because I thought I didn't had anything else, and that only did hurt me even more and more) we broke up any contact a few weeks after breaking up. At the beggining I felt really lonely but I'd managed to go through that and, fortunately, things got better.

Then I realised that for the first time in many years (three or four, maybe), I'm no longer thinking about any "special person" anymore. Maybe things from the past come in my mind because they are really recent, but they slowly vanish from my mind, appearing less and less often. In that four years, I've been in three relationships, with little breaks (1 year the longest), jumping from one girl to another, trying to fill the void in my heart with a love partner. Now I am understanding what kind of a fool I've been from all that time. Also, that relationships and all the people who was around it taught me many things. I had a long-distance relationship and I don't want it anymore. I had a very fast growing relationship (in 2 months we went from total strangers to a formal couple) and it vanished faster that it grew. I did know that people who encourages you to have a relationship with someone for its own will is going to confuse and maybe hurt you, and I did the very most mistake of all: I did start a relationship with a girl who I considered my best friend before going out. She almost ruined me emotionally.

Thankfully, all of that has already passed, and I want to look forward. I have to thank that I still have friends and I can count on them for anything, so, maybe a little rest for love could be good for me, and I'll only be there, sitting in a chair, without expecting anything, letting love knock at my door quietly and slowly. Maybe in other issues is not my best moment, but in love it is. You would think "But he isn't even in love with anyone!", but for that reason is why I feel that good right now. Love gave me a lot of insecurities and bad feelings that now I don't have, so, I recommend that if you are hurt or desperated about looking for a boy/girlfriend, relax, and take it easy. Things go in their own flow, and love will knock on your door someday. In my language there's an expression which says "Who doesn't look for it, finds it".

Sorry if my English is confusing but I wanted to say it. Looking for love is not the only way and I finally realised it. :)
Zerostarry

[Luanny] wrote:

friends > relationship
this is like a rule
this is truth!

i'm glad someone said this before I did.
[Luanny]
Sooo, decided to post my story so far. It's so long even I won't bother reading it again to fix typos so ignore the wrong stuff if you are brave enough to read it.
SPOILER
It's really boring before osu, I've only had some ~friends~ with second intentions on me. This was REALLY annoying and I became afraid of socializing.
I decided to stop hanging out with my ~friends~ and I found osu!
At this time I was totally against LDR. This was something really SILLY imo.

Well, because of some serious irl problems I was seeking for attention somewhere, and I had osu! (this was back in 2011)
I loved to socialize here and made some good friends. I thought it was enough and that I wasn't feeling alone anymore, until I took one of the stupidest decisions ever.
A guy started to kinda... flirt with me. The person was feeling alone just like me, so I thought "here's my chance to make another friend, this is great!" and ignored the flirting.
He didn't stop. In two days he told me he loved me. Like wtf? Only 2 days? Unbelievable. I was trying to find the pros of the situation tho. I have never been in a relationship before at this point and I was curious. I decided to jump in and see what happens.
Well, it was really happy at first. Being ~loved~ was something nice after all so why not giving it back?
I tried but couldn't really love that guy... he was extremely overprotective and jealous.
Again I was feeling alone with this annoying guy stalking me everywhere. Well, I started to stalk him as well! Fair enough.
Found out he had a tumblr. Found disgusting stuff there. Posts from his ex saying stuff she shouldn't be saying and his answers were even worse.
This was the first step to cut this BS.

It lasted for more 2 weeks until I started to get really closer to another good friend. No second intentions tho.
We played minecraft together and we talked a lot. Unlike the other guy, this had the same interests as me, was really fun to talk to and could understand how I was feeling. I'd say he was/is the best friend I've ever had/will ever have in terms of having a conversation without killing each other because of opinions.
After some time I found out that the annoying guy was cheating on me with his ex. Kinda obvious this was happening but oh well.
This was the best excuse to be free from that guy. My friend supported me on this and everything was ok.

Again, something that SHOULDN'T have happened... happened. We fell in love with each other. Legitly, this time.
That was my first love.. so beautiful and perfect.
On valentine's day (2012) I finally decided to tell him about my feelings and he was feeling the same \o/
Was the perfect relationship. We didn't fight and we had the same line of thought for almost everything. I wanted to be with this guy 24/7... until some stuff happened.
He lost his pc.
This just killed the situation... we weren't able to talk for days and missing each other made us stressed.
The fights started and I was being extremely asshole with him. It wasn't his fault but I was feeling REALLY BAD. The love of my life was taken away from me and I couldn't do ANYTHING. We had some moments in peace to talk but.. we were so tired from everything... we couldn't even enjoy the moments together anymore.
I was feeling alone and guilty and my heart was broken.
I knew our relationship was dying. Day by day. Depressing.

SO again osu! was there! I started mapping and chatting more. I had to spend my free time. Meanwhile my heart was in ruins.
Chatting around I noticed some poor soul around the channel. I really like helping people for some reason I don't know but I feel worried about them even if I don't even know them. That person was feeling so stressed and depressed around the chat... I wanted to help him. Would be my new way to spend my time! Well, I failed. I pm'd him some times, tried to talk about maps and osu! and stuff. Sometimes it worked and we had some really nice talks. We even said it would be cool if we met someday to do stuff together but sometimes it wouldn't go more than 3 lines.
I kinda gave up... I wanted to be his friend but he wasn't being receptive.
Some time later we started one of our talks again. Started on #portuguese then it moved to pm because it was taking the whole channel. We FINALLY found stuff we both like. Creepypastas.
I have some... problem with them. I love this stuff but I just >CAN'T< get scared. I have heavy nightmares and sometimes I get sick. With screamers then I almost die. Finding someone to read/watch them with me was comforting. We spend like 1 or 2 hours talking about it until the subject changed to Renard and his creepy dark ambient albums. We had the GENIAL idea to listen to them reversed. Damn, that experience was SO FUN. We spent more hours excited about it, decided to listen to some more stuff and that day was great!
Was really fun AND I could finally get closer to that depressed kid.

In one week we were already best friends. Eventually he told me why he was feeling so depressed and why he ignored me sometimes. The reason was so stupid I started to think he was retarded. For serious. This or he was just a little kid knowing nothing about life. I knew he'd grow eventually and forget it. I I wouldn't even bother thinking about this stuff.. I just wanted to make him feel better.
It worked.
Meanwhile my relationship was in pieces. I don't know why my boyfriend started to hate my new friend for some unknown reason and then they hate each other. WHY?
Stuff went downhill after that. I didn't want to take a side. I wanted to keep my boyfriend and I also liked my new friend. What's the damn problem about it?
I'm lucky my boyfriend was actually a calm guy and things cooled down. But... my love was slowly fading out and I didn't want this to happen. At the same time I was feeling more and more attracted to that depressed kid. I DIDN'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN. I still hate my brain for this.
I had everything almost perfect and I was about to ruin it.
...couldn't control it.
Found out that the depressed kid liked me more than he should as well. I couldn't deny that I felt the same way. This was extremely wrong. I wouldn't cheat on my boyfriend so I broke up with him. The depressed kid asked me to be his gf some hours later.
....I felt really bad for this and I secretly regret my decision everyday. I wanted to fix my relationship, not to start another. My heart wins and there's nothing I can do after all.

It started better than I expected. We had free time to do anything we wanted. We were like lego pieces together fitting perfectly.
It was way too perfect to be true. After 3 months comes the first fight for some useless reason. SO useless I won't even tell.
I didn't know how to deal with it so I asked some guy for help. He indeed helped and everything was ok after some hours.
Buuut we started to fight over silly things again. No one knows why but ANYTHING was a reason for a fight. I'm a calm person who hates discussions and stuff while he was some disturbed mad person. Fighting was a must. The only way to avoid discussions was staying offline for a long time until he comes back to his real human form instead of a giant monster. We lived this way for a long time. The bad moments were really sad but the good moments were worth it.

But oh well. Things get harder and harder. Turns out that all his anger wasn't normal. He had real problems and he should find a doctor asap. Months telling him to seek for help and nothing. I said "find some help or I won't talk to you again". This never worked.
Shit was getting serious and I couldn't handle it anymore. I had more bad moments than good moments. The good moments weren't even worth it anymore.
I wanted to break up and stay away from the world. Couldn't. I got a stalker boyfriend again. Couldn't do anything alone anymore, couldn't have close friends and stuff but this time I KNEW it was a serious problem and it could be fixed.
I recharged my hope everyday. I wanted this to work. I wanted to fix this and have that perfect relationship between good friends again.
Even without the relationship, I wanted to have him as a friend because I knew I wouldn't be able to find someone like him again.
I'm a really weird girl. What other guy would accept the fact that I pretend I have a penis? What other guy would enjoy the same weird creepy stuff?
I wouldn't take this risk to lose an awesome friend. He had a problem and HE WAS IN NEED of a good friend to support him.
This has been my plan since the beginning, to help this depressed kid to get better and be happy.
I could easily leave him. I was hurt enough. This guy is lucky that I have a kind heart and I just can't hear him crying and telling me about his problems.
He was a really problematic depressed kid and the challenge was bigger than I expected.

It was really hard to survive and my hope was dying until he FINALLY realized he had a problem and he should seek for professional help.
Oh my god, hope 100% restored. It would take months but I knew it would be ok eventually. Oh and I could finally meet him. This restored my hope even more because irl he's a calm little angel. irl it's easier to control but over the internet he was still hurting me a lot.
He started a treatment but I didn't want to wait. I wanted to stay away from that monster asap! Things were out of control again.
It was wrong, I shouldn't let a person in need alone but... I was also in need. I needed peace. I realized I should think about myself first and help myself before I help others. That's what I did.
Wasn't so hard but he didn't like the idea at first. We broke up and decided to be just good friends like we were over 1 year ago. This stays nowadays.

Wow I'm impressed, finally a good decision. Well fights still come eventually (for silly reasons) but we are learning to deal with each other (FINALLY!!!!!). The treatment is finally being effective and I can have some more peace. It will be over someday, but I'm afraid we won't be friends anymore when this day comes.
Again, I don't want to leave my plan to make this kid happy but he's finding his own way alone. I won't be needed anymore soon and I will finally have my peace, without fights every week and without a monster trying to rape me.
But... he's like my little brother now. I hate him. I really do. But I can't just delete him from my life.
We may be distant someday but I know he won't forget me and I won't forget him. We learned a lot with each other even if it was painful and we keep learning.
I don't think we will be in a relationship again. I don't want it to happen. We both agree that it's better this way.
Yet I hope I can seize the moment while I still have it, because I know it will be all over soon. And... this is sad but I will be happy knowing I helped someone.

We're gonna meet again in a month and this will be probably our last time together and the official 'goodbye'. At least it will end in a peaceful way with a loooong hug (or at least I hope so).

It's fun because this guy has stuck in his head that I don't care about him and that I'm some selfish asshole but I suffered a lot just to see this depressed kid less depressed today. If this is not love... than I don't know what it is.
Life is not fair ._.

Wtf wall of text pls.

Jarby: sucks to be you ;_;
Topic Starter
Birdy

Princess wrote:

[Luanny] wrote:

friends > relationship
this is like a rule
this is truth!

i'm glad someone said this before I did.
so I'm completely ignored, okay then ;__;

I don't have a bath either ;____;

;_______;

Alright let's get back on topic or so.
GeeNX
Yes, for one useful thing that SNB says, pls recognize it.

Also, I don't think going out with your best friend it's a problem, the problem is where you lose the sight of being a very good friend and starting to love someone, I think that's very common, when you're spending so many time with a person of the genre you like, if you are very very good friends, you might end up thinking that you're starting to like her/him , and sometimes it's right, but others is just wrong, it's not like you've fallen in love, distinguish love from VERY GOOD FRIENDS, you can be very good friends with a girl, be very close to her for years, and that doesn't mean you have to end up loving her....It was my mistake once, so most of times friend > relationship, and when you take that wrong and you take the next step, it will backfire and you will end up losing that person. Well, maybe Im the only idiot who couldn't distinguish once that , but maybe this is useful for someone

tl;dr : Being very close to someone doesn't mean that you have to love that person, you can be the closest friends ever, and it's okay like that.
[Luanny]

GeeNX wrote:

Yes, for one useful thing that SNB says, pls recognize it.
Shouldn't have laughed so much omg
Foxtrot
you guys are always so mean to him, jesus

at least be mean to someone who's actually silly or something

edit = here’s a tip: if you start dating a depressed person, don’t be surprised if they are still depressed while they are dating you.
they’re not depressed because they’re single, and you are not an all-powerful cure for mental illnesses. just be there for them.

i don't know who wrote it, i just found it somewhere but i thought this was pretty true
kouzuki_karen

Martinawa Hatsuhi wrote:

Things go in their own flow, and love will knock on your door someday
I totally agree with you.

GeeNX wrote:

Be Romeo, np
I'm not exactly sure I want to die three days after finding my ideal person...

Read if you want:
SPOILER
Actually, I must say that last year someone in a way confessed that they loved me, but on top of the entire "Asian family" thing I honestly wasn't feeling the same way for them. I was kind of stuck in an awkward position because if I said no directly to her she would start gossiping about it and everyone around would accuse me of rejecting her because she had depression and was bisexual (that was not the reason at all, believe me). But I also didn't want be with someone who would eventually cheat on you and hit it off with some guy from a school that's 10 kilometres away. Eventually I just said that we should remain friends and I just gradually stopped messaging her (which was good, because that meant I had more time to spend on my studies and do other things rather than get spammed with iMessages filled with meaningless "I love you's". She's gone back to hanging out with her friends and being the stereotypical attention seeker, you know the type. The ones holding scissors.

I guess what I've learnt from all this is that you'll eventually know who is worth your time and dedication. Wo, me not being satirical on osu! for once.
Mismagius
Seeing some of the latest posts, decided to write my story here as well

SPOILER
Well, uhm. I've never 'liked' or have someone like me at school, or any place in real life. All of my relationships were LDRs. I can't say that is horrible and you should never try it, but it's just so stressing that it doesn't work for me.

My first relationship started basically when I was 10 and I met a girl in a pretty cool forum. We did talk and become best friends in a month, and we were pretty close to each other. One of my friends saw that, and he started bugging me telling me I was in love with her, and I think that made me start thinking if I actually was. I still don't know to this day if I was really attracted to her that way - I was too young to know that, and we were just really close friends. Anyways, it happened, we did confess our love to each other when she had no internet, which was pretty hard to do, considering she would talk to me for 5 minutes once a week, but okay. After that got solved, we started a relationship and it worked well for a bit - we had some pretty big plans in mind, that obviously would never happen (we were just kids, and our thoughts of how relationships worked were extremely messed up). Due to some circumstances that did annoy me by a lot (some of her IRL friends constantly were telling me that she often cheated on me with some random guy), I felt very bad and that wasn't particularly one of my best moments in live. As I felt very lonely, I started to do very stupid stuff (yeah, I was young and retarded) and started being basically a whore in osu!. That was just horrible, something I never wanted to become, but it happened because I needed so much attention. This made many people hate me, including myself. After a while, I decided that this had to be stopped and I would never do that again, but first I had to find a solution to my loneliness. I talked to one of my closest friends at the time (she couldn't talk to me too much though, because of RL issues on her part) and she suggested a few people I could get close to and start a friendship so I would stop that senseless attentionwhoring (coincidentally, one of the people she suggested would become very close to me about a year later). Anyways, one of them seemed interesting and fun to talk to, and it actually worked. We became close friends in not so much time, and we would have awesome discussions (that were actually intelligent, and not weird/senseless) about everything. It was just amazing, but I started feeling 'that' again. I was starting to like her, and I really wish that didn't happen. It just... started happening, and I think it happened to her too.
Well, when everything seemed to go that way, one of the... I wouldn't say 'worst', but probably not the best thing, that happened to me. I started talking to a random girl and we became friends VERY quickly, as in few hours. I was feeling so weird that night that I made the stupid choice of becoming her boyfriend when she asked me. I don't even know why the fuck I said yes, but I did. Either way, next morning, I felt like shit and told her that I didn't really want to become that close to her and 'broke up' with her. But we still talked a lot and were very close to each other.
The other girl, who was pretty close to me and that had amazing discussions with me, also started to like me, and when she noticed that I was close to another person, that caused a horrible amount of arguments with everyone, fights, and a sliiiiight feeling of depression for me. I wanted to stay away from all that, and I did for a while, then I came back and just... 'chose' one of the girls, so that fight would just stop. And unfortunately, that wasn't the best choice I would have done.
The girl I 'chose', started acting terrible to me, and would do things that made me feel horribly depressed and extremely jealous, just for the sake of it. But I still ran after her, because I thought we would be okay after a while.
Then she did something horrible to me, something I won't ever forgive. I don't feel bad to THIS day because of it, but it was just something that no one should ever do.
Because of that, I stayed extremely sad for some months. I came back to that attentionwhoring phase, although much smaller than before. One of the girl's friends, which was kinda close to me, tried to calm me down and started to become my friend and that made me forget my loneliness. She was very busy though and we couldn't be together all the time, but that made me stay okay for a while. We didn't actually started a love relationship - we just loved each other as friends, but treated each other with words that lovers say. That didn't feel very right to me, but it made me stop being an attentionwhore for a while. After some time, I started feeling guilty with that and told her that we shouldn't do that kind of stuff, and she accepted with no problem. I was still depressed a bit about what happened on my previous relationship and would have some breakdowns every once in a while, but then...
I met this girl in osu!, but this time, there were no 'second intentions'. I wouldn't become her boyfriend or start teasing her, I could finally find someone that would be my friend, nothing more, nothing less! Yay!

....

nope

This girl had something different. She had the same interests as me. She talked mostly the same way I did. She loved my jokes (even though they were/are horrible), and I loved hers. Also, she was making me stop having breakdowns, and I woke up early everyday, happy, just to talk to her for a bit before going to school. It was just amazing. I still wanted to be her friend, though, but we started becoming closer, and closer, and closer... And you know what happens next. After a month... we confessed our love to each other (in a very original way), and we started dating after 3 days. And it started again.

The first few months were amazing. Then, we started fighting. And fighting. And fighting. And it would never ever ever ever stop.
I always ran after her, even though I was mostly the one who caused all of these fights. She started going through a pretty bad phase and I tried to make her feel better but in the end I would be an asshole and ruin everything. I still feel sorry for her for doing that, but I know she won't ever accept what I have done.
Well, we went through good times and bad times, but we were always together. Sometimes it seemed that it was just about to end, and other times it felt like we have just met, like that first month. We had plans to meet each other, but these plans would always stay far away (mostly because of my parents that wouldn't let me just go to a place I don't know with a possible pedophile, etc etc etc). When her dad finally agree to let her come here, it was amazing. Even though we were going through a bad time, we just couldn't wait to see each other! She stayed at my house for a week, and let me tell ya, that was the best week of my life. It was simply PERFECT. I still feel nice everytime I remember those moments.

Well, but as nothing is perfect, when she came back home, it started again. All of these fights, getting worse, and worse, and worse, and I was also becoming more of a stressed guy than what I was, and this just wouldn't end well. It didn't.

We are still friends, but I'm always scared, everyday, of doing something that will hurt her and make her go away forever. I'm currently trying to get my parents to take me to her place, but it's very hard. I hope everything will end up fine, even though I know we probably won't be able to hold a relationship again.

And here we are, in the present day.
tyrael6192

GeeNX wrote:

Yes, for one useful thing that SNB says, pls recognize it.

Also, I don't think going out with your best friend it's a problem, the problem is where you lose the sight of being a very good friend and starting to love someone, I think that's very common, when you're spending so many time with a person of the genre you like, if you are very very good friends, you might end up thinking that you're starting to like her/him , and sometimes it's right, but others is just wrong, it's not like you've fallen in love, distinguish love from VERY GOOD FRIENDS, you can be very good friends with a girl, be very close to her for years, and that doesn't mean you have to end up loving her....It was my mistake once, so most of times friend > relationship, and when you take that wrong and you take the next step, it will backfire and you will end up losing that person. Well, maybe Im the only idiot who couldn't distinguish once that , but maybe this is useful for someone

tl;dr : Being very close to someone doesn't mean that you have to love that person, you can be the closest friends ever, and it's okay like that.
this is a gr8 post

wow all the spaniards on the last page really have this love thing sorted out i'm jealous
Mikelicious
Good luck BD, i know perfectly the feeling of be scared of do something ¨bad¨ and lose someone, isnt cool feel that 24/7, but yeah, wish you the best.
GeeNX

Dulcet wrote:

you guys are always so mean to him

I think it's the first time I was "mean" to him, and if people does that maybe it has a reason. I still remember the post when he was mean to you, but well, this is out of the topic.

Well, I have read some , wouldnt say good because honestly, we re not telling here the best moments of our life, but while I wait to the doctor I read all of them and wow, some things are somehow similar to ones Ive experienced, I might write something later, in the mobile its a bit annoyin
Mamoru Senpai

[Luanny] wrote:

friends > relationship
this is like a rule
I broke that once for my first big love and I'm still regretting.
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