I opened up to someone about something, they wanted to tell other people, I felt extremely uncomfortable with this and convinced them I was lying, and I'm not sure whether they're convinced. Every route terrifies me. Every possibility terrifies me.
This probably seems like a bad move on her part, due to lack of information. Probably seems like friends gossiping. It wasn't. She made the right decision, but I'm terrified of this right decision. I am trying to dig myself out of that hole. Unfortunately, that requires lying.
I thought I was making progress, telling her about something, but then I ran away.
It felt amazing to talk about something which was bothering me, but I obviously feel like crap now. I either have the crappy consequence of others being told a huge secret (despite them being professionals, I'm embarrassed and ashamed - It's something I've been hiding and lying about pretty much all my life), or the crappy consequence of having no one to talk to about how I'm feeling because I can't be honest. All while the issue's simply getting worse.
With the rate I'm going down this hole, I'm scared for the future, but I also don't want a bunch of people swarming around me like wasps. I don't want my mum worried, neither.