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Jokes

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19
Topic Starter
TimeSplitter95
Uhm... Well... Write some jokes :P
Loginer
A terrorist, a doctor and Loginer were on an aeroplane. Suddenly, the pilot told everyone the engine was getting weak, and there was too much weight on the plane to land safely. So everyone had to throw something out.
The terrorist threw out an apple.
The doctor threw an orange.
And Loginer threw a bomb.

Five minutes later, they landed on the airport they were flying above, and they found 3 kids.
The terrorist asked a crying kid what happened. He said: "I got hit in the head by an apple!! ;_;"
The doctor asked another crying kid why he was so sad. He said: "My mom got knocked out cold by an orange!! :'<"
Then Loginer asked the third kid why he was laughing. And he said: "I was taking a crap in a toilet over there, and as soon as I farted, the whole toilet exploded!! X'D"

<_<
>_>
Yeah, I know, lame joke. ._.
chan
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?


Because it would be a foot.

Well, at least it was quick...
Kai
the son tell to his dad then he had sex 4 times , the father grabs two beers and gives one to his son , then the son ask
Dad WHEN MY ASS WILL STOP HURTING SO BAD?
Topic Starter
TimeSplitter95
Loginer - that WUZN'T bad :P

A man left a supermarket. The bus drove away, after 50 metres it exploded. The next day the same: man, bus, explosion. The 3rd day the man ran and got into the bus - the supermarket exploded... :3
awp
where do we draw the line in terms of vulgarity/racial themes? I have a tendancy to see where the line is, cross it, and keep going for a little while before I decide to stop.
Popo_old
Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgury table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, “In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body”

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. Go ahead and do the same thing, he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and told them,

“The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention”
Topic Starter
TimeSplitter95
XD Urgh... That's mean! XD
EiJi
Thus far, only Popo's has made me laugh. Nice~

But, -10 points for not making up your own joke. :P
Topic Starter
TimeSplitter95
Who?! ME??? lol there IS a joke... if you can call it a joke! XD happy new year :D
shinn_old
The Old Golfer

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball – and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall.”
Topic Starter
TimeSplitter95
:D lawl stupid crabs! XD uhm... >_>
Survivor_old

awp wrote:

where do we draw the line in terms of vulgarity/racial themes? I have a tendancy to see where the line is, cross it, and keep going for a little while before I decide to stop.
I ask the same. I'm not really racist, but I can't help but laugh at racist themed jokes. You may call me hypocrite, but I hate real racism, and I love racist jokes.
awp
I'm only concerned because the general public's definition of what it means to be a racist has been greatly scewed from reality. Don't even get me started on that...

I have a few humourous racial jokes I've picked up over the years but don't know if sorta-family-friendly forums are the places to be sharing them.
Topic Starter
TimeSplitter95
WTF???!!! :shock:
Mifune24


*gets booed off stage*
awp
There are two different dogs in that animated gif lol
Mifune24
LIES AND SLANDER.
Darius Ukugagi

Mifune24 wrote:

LIES AND SLANDER.
I totally did not see this plot twist coming! D:
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