there's a few things. i regret having not remedies the situation between my parents sooner, and having so naively relied on gaming to distract me from the shit going on.
i regret not speaking with my elementary school friends more, and keeping in touch, especially those few girls, and those guys. they were great to be around and played great parts in developing who i was.
i've done some shitty things back then too, but i can't really blame myself all that much as i had a pretty weird mentality back then that i myself am not sure i completely comprehend.
not until middle school. i think i would've done things similarly, but i'd probably be less edgy and just try to appreciate the people that were around me. i had great classmates with interesting personalities. i'd be closer friends with some of them, and i'd probably have a closer relationship with her, so that the friendship hadn't been so distant. i'd be less clingy, and try to just enjoy things despite my fucked-up life at the time.
but to be honest, i don't think it could've been helped, so i can't blame myself entirely there either.
i regret not being more communicative and active for the friends i had from osu!, i especially hope to talk to Nila, Puri, and Momi again. they were pretty great to be around, and i should've collabed with Nila for the hell of it, so we'd at least have fun trying things out. that was i could learn how to work with vocals, and she could test out her vocals on a project she cared for. i lost touch with all of them over time.
i regret not taking care of my things. it led to a lot of shit, and i'm really fucking my dad over, not to mention myself. i can't be so fucking careless.
speaking of my dad, i feel guilty for having stressed him out so fucking much. his life is just endless stress nowadays. he's become so irritable. he'll berate me, not out of genuine hatred, but just the absolute stress that keeps building up in him.
sometimes i think he's just tired of taking care of a son like me. i'm quite the burden, frankly. i'm a burden to many, to varying degrees. if only i wasn't such a fucking gross handful to handle being around.
there's probably more, but i'd end it there, that's the main bit of what i feel bad about.
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