About to head to sleep so I am only gonna bring up one change (on the 1/3 jack section):
I feel like it would be better to follow something similar to this
For each measure, I think a jump (2 notes) should be used to emphasize the heavier kick sound. The note following that is very light in comparison, thus only needing to be a single note. The third note is a bit heavier than the second, though not quite as heavy as the first. I believe using a jump here, while leading into the first note of the next beat with a jack on one of the columns, seems to flow well (what my example does is between measures, it alternates between hands, so the transition into the next measure doesn't have a jack and the transition is smooth, but this is entirely my opinion). Also with doing something similar to this, you would be able to use a hand (3 notes) on the third beat without having the density be any higher than what you currently have.
I feel like it would be better to follow something similar to this
For each measure, I think a jump (2 notes) should be used to emphasize the heavier kick sound. The note following that is very light in comparison, thus only needing to be a single note. The third note is a bit heavier than the second, though not quite as heavy as the first. I believe using a jump here, while leading into the first note of the next beat with a jack on one of the columns, seems to flow well (what my example does is between measures, it alternates between hands, so the transition into the next measure doesn't have a jack and the transition is smooth, but this is entirely my opinion). Also with doing something similar to this, you would be able to use a hand (3 notes) on the third beat without having the density be any higher than what you currently have.