Serraionga wrote:

I really enjoy a dish of spaghetti with Bolognese sauce. It is definitely one of my favourite meals.

This post's rich history and incredible reputation precedes it. The post evokes a sense of awe and terror in the reader, as if they were looking at Death himself in the face. This post brings tears to my eyes every time I read it, and my emotions break down into soggy gelatin. Truly an amazing post to go down through the ages, and an epic tale to pass down from generation to generation.

1/10 not enough spaghetti

DaddyCoolVipper wrote:

SPOILER

Anyways, johnmedina999, please listen to me. That it's really related to this thread. I went to Yoshinoya a while ago; you know, Yoshinoya? Well anyways there was an insane number of people there, and I couldn't get in. Then, I looked at the banner hanging from the ceiling, and it had "150 yen off" written on it. Oh, the stupidity. Those idiots. You, don't come to Yoshinoya just because it's 150 yen off, fool. It's only 150 yen, 1-5-0 YEN for crying out loud. There're even entire families here. Family of 4, all out for some Yoshinoya, huh? How fucking nice. "Alright, daddy's gonna order the extra-large." God I can't bear to watch. You people, I'll give you 150 yen if you get out of those seats. Yosinoya should be a bloody place. That tense atmosphere, where two guys on opposite sides of the U-shaped table can start a fight at any time, the stab-or-be-stabbed mentality, that's what's great about this place. Women and children should screw off and stay home. Anyways, I was about to start eating, and then the bastard beside me goes "extra-large, with extra sauce." Who in the world orders extra sauce nowadays, you moron? I want to ask him, "do you REALLY want to eat it with extra sauce?" I want to interrogate him. I want to interrogate him for roughly an hour. Are you sure you don't just want to try saying "extra sauce"? Coming from a Yoshinoya veteran such as myself, the latest trend among us vets is this, extra green onion. That's right, extra green onion. This is the vet's way of eating. Extra green onion means more green onion than sauce. But on the other hand the price is a tad higher. This is the key. And then, it's delicious. This is unbeatable. However, if you order this then there is danger that you'll be marked by the employees from next time on; it's a double-edged sword. I can't recommend it to amateurs. What this all really means, though, is that you, johnmedina999, should just stick with today's special.

This post tells the story of someone getting mad at newbies trying out Yoshinoya. Obviously the speaker is an old-timer who is very experienced in ordering from this restaurant chain. This is a decent post (has little to no grammatical errors, etc.), so its contents are what I am looking for. This post seems to have three stages: the first stage, which is dealing with Yoshinoya's special deal of ¥150 off attracting many new customers; the second stage (which is the longest), dealing with a man who asks for extra sauce, criticized by the speaker in his mind; and the third stage, telling me to avoid ordering anything unique and instead opting to order a predetermined meal. I will have to take points away for being off-topic in your post; next time, instead of writing about three different things, write about only one, or two at most.

Lastly, the speaker has a condescending tone in this post, but nowhere in the post does he actually try to resolve the problems he is having with the customers, and he doesn't try to help them. If he really is the veteran that he says he is, he should be trying to help newcomers assimilate into what he believes is the best way of dining at Yoshinoya.

I rate this post a 7/10. It's good on the outside, but starts to fall apart when you dig into it.

After being asked by abraker to review his post once more, I hereby change his rating from an 9/10 to a 6/10, for having so many loopholes in his "true" story.

That'll be all for today, folks; thanks for coming today, and I hope you won't be too disappointed. I'll be back tomorrow to rate any more posts you have. Have a good night, all.

abraker wrote:

some really fucking creepy shit

are u ok?

It's winter. Not that usual holiday winter though. It's winter you don't want, so cold I can't express how cold it is. Jacket feels like wearing a T-shirt in a blizzard. It's not your typical thin jacket either, it's good enough to cook an egg during summer. I know this because I can still smell that damn egg. Tried washing it with this thing called hydrochloric or some shit. I saw my neighbor Lizzy through it. She smells like damn egg, so jacket's hot. Anyway, it's cold, got my hot jacket, and it's still cold. So cold fingernails are different blue. They got heaven's color blue. They don't even listen to me when I tell'em to move. Been stuck holding this can of beer since morning. I try to drink it, but no shit's coming out. Shit's frozen solid like my little friend here. Poor guy came crawling and stopped. I would give him this beer, but I can't even shake this damn thing off. I ain't gonna go anywhere either. Legs still sleeping. I tell'em to to wake, they don't listen. Like my little friend blue fingernails here. No worries, just gonna get up tomorrow. So gonna take a rest. I'm not having no damn egg.

You know the girl who recently witched out? Yeah, that one. The one that [REDACTED]'s squad had to go clean up. I didn't know her well, but I did get to talk to a few of the girls who did. No one who really knew her before the incident are alive anymore, so the only impression people got of her was that she was either really stupid or really brave. She wasn't either - after her friend died, I think she just stopped caring about her own well-being anymore. Kept using magic to the brink of running out, kept diving into her own inferno, kept dancing with death for too long.

She finally paid for it, but I wonder if she got what she wanted in the end. The girls who worked with her - those who are still alive - were talking about how she seemed to have some kind of bloodlust for whoever it was they were supposed to hunt down. Neither of their bodies were ever found, probably burned to ashes.

I don't think anyone really cares, unfortunately. Like she was a spirit who forgot to turn into a ghost a long time ago. Someone who had been staying past their time. What a rotten way to die.

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

いつの日か 二人 春の中
ここで約束をしたね
可笑しいね 不思議と 涙が出る
覚えている事は 桜の香
どこか 懐かしい花が 手と手を繋ぐ
「壊れないで」と ココロ寂しく笑う
遠い仮初の恋路を 自分で感じたいの
いつか 遠く遠く 離れる時も
桜葉咲き誇るる
決して 近づけない 触れ合えないから
どうか一人きりにして欲しい
いつの日か 一人 雪の中
涙もやがて凍るから
いつまでも 続いた 笑う声を
忘れる事は きっと無い
いつも 約束の花で 目と目と結ぶ
「離さないで」と 抱きしめて
傍に居るだけの恋路を
自分に刻みたいの
いつか 迎えに行く 約束しても
桜葉散り落ち逝く
決して 叶えられず 忘れ逝くから
どうか一人きりにして欲しい
目覚めたら 夢じゃないと気付いてしまう
満開の桜に
胸に 閉じ込めてた 思い出の蝶
空いた右手 空を切る
決して 悔やまないで 忘れないから
どうか今だけは泣かせてほしい

I apologize for not posting yesterday or the day before; please forgive me!

I will open my post rater services starting now.

ColdTooth wrote:

abraker wrote:

some really fucking creepy shit

are u ok?

What a way to start the day. This post contains various instances of grammatical and typesetting conventions not being followed (e.g. missing capital letter, not typing out "you", the word O.K. not being properly capitalized and punctuated). The length of this post seems as if it was intended to be posted in a private chatroom, not a public forum. This post is alright for casual communication, but I'm not here to grade casual communication. I will rate this post a 2/10—and that's me being generous—for failure to a) write a comprehensive post, and b) follow English conventions.

abraker wrote:

It's winter. Not that usual holiday winter though. It's winter you don't want, so cold I can't express how cold it is. Jacket feels like wearing a T-shirt in a blizzard. It's not your typical thin jacket either, it's good enough to cook an egg during summer. I know this because I can still smell that damn egg. Tried washing it with this thing called hydrochloric or some shit. I saw my neighbor Lizzy through it. She smells like damn egg, so jacket's hot. Anyway, it's cold, got my hot jacket, and it's still cold. So cold fingernails are different blue. They got heaven's color blue. They don't even listen to me when I tell'em to move. Been stuck holding this can of beer since morning. I try to drink it, but no shit's coming out. Shit's frozen solid like my little friend here. Poor guy came crawling and stopped. I would give him this beer, but I can't even shake this damn thing off. I ain't gonna go anywhere either. Legs still sleeping. I tell'em to to wake, they don't listen. Like my little friend blue fingernails here. No worries, just gonna get up tomorrow. So gonna take a rest. I'm not having no damn egg.

This post is a very insightful look at the life from the perspective of someone freezing and possibly getting frostbite. The story sets itself up very early as a comedy post with the story about the egg. It continues with this tone throughout the post, which is good. I would complain about the grammar, but I won't as this post is carefully designed to emulate a particular accent, so I'll let it slide. The only real complaint I have with this post is that it leaves the reader with many unanswered questions, such as "what happened to this person?" This is a near-perfect post, as I can't really find any fatal flaws in it. Good job, you earned yourself a 9/10.

citremi wrote:

You know the girl who recently witched out? Yeah, that one. The one that [REDACTED]'s squad had to go clean up. I didn't know her well, but I did get to talk to a few of the girls who did. No one who really knew her before the incident are alive anymore, so the only impression people got of her was that she was either really stupid or really brave. She wasn't either - after her friend died, I think she just stopped caring about her own well-being anymore. Kept using magic to the brink of running out, kept diving into her own inferno, kept dancing with death for too long.

She finally paid for it, but I wonder if she got what she wanted in the end. The girls who worked with her - those who are still alive - were talking about how she seemed to have some kind of bloodlust for whoever it was they were supposed to hunt down. Neither of their bodies were ever found, probably burned to ashes.

I don't think anyone really cares, unfortunately. Like she was a spirit who forgot to turn into a ghost a long time ago. Someone who had been staying past their time. What a rotten way to die.

This post invokes an odd feeling in me—one of desire and longing to find out more. The post is one big cliffhanger that the reader struggles to grasp as the eyes move along the line. What is the context of this post? Who are these people mentioned, and why was the girl so eager to give up her life to take someone else's? And why does no one care about her or her death? These are all great questions that, because they remain unanswered, add to the post's flavor, making it even more mysterious and dark than it is. This post keeps you on the edge of your seat, and leaves your mouth watering for more. In addition, there are no significant violations of grammatical conventions.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think we've just seen the first 10/10 post I've reviewed so far!

Serraionga wrote:

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

First of all, I would like to say, "nice pasta". Now that that's out of the way, let's take a look at the post itself.

The first three sentences set the post up for something weird: it's not every day that you read about someone that plays Natural Selection with M&Ms. The process that this man tests M&Ms is entertaining and comical, while also being informative on what the reasoning is behind this whole operation is. There are few to no grammatical errors. I would give this post a ten, but it's (blatantly) unoriginal, so I will deduct three points from it. This is an average 7/10 post.

levesterz wrote:

いつの日か 二人 春の中
ここで約束をしたね
可笑しいね 不思議と 涙が出る
覚えている事は 桜の香
どこか 懐かしい花が 手と手を繋ぐ
「壊れないで」と ココロ寂しく笑う
遠い仮初の恋路を 自分で感じたいの
いつか 遠く遠く 離れる時も
桜葉咲き誇るる
決して 近づけない 触れ合えないから
どうか一人きりにして欲しい
いつの日か 一人 雪の中
涙もやがて凍るから
いつまでも 続いた 笑う声を
忘れる事は きっと無い
いつも 約束の花で 目と目と結ぶ
「離さないで」と 抱きしめて
傍に居るだけの恋路を
自分に刻みたいの
いつか 迎えに行く 約束しても
桜葉散り落ち逝く
決して 叶えられず 忘れ逝くから
どうか一人きりにして欲しい
目覚めたら 夢じゃないと気付いてしまう
満開の桜に
胸に 閉じ込めてた 思い出の蝶
空いた右手 空を切る
決して 悔やまないで 忘れないから
どうか今だけは泣かせてほしい

A quick Google search led me to this song:



I don't know what the lyrics say (and Google Translate will just butcher the English) so I'll give the rating based on the song. I quite like it, it's relaxing and the chord progression is pleasing to listen to. I'll give it a 7/10.

And that's a wrap for today. I'll be back tomorrow if you want me to and rate some more posts. Have a good night, everyone!

I personally think that ColdTooth is a great person. I mean, he is one of the most known bronies in the osu! community next to ztrot, and they worked together on making very cool pony maps. I mean, just take a look at his map earlier this year, Don't Mine at Night, a collab between ColdTooth and Wolf, this is purely the next step in mapping in this time. I hope he gets to create more beatmaps, because I really love his newest beatmap, "Surprise Buttsecks". Purely great 1/3rd rhythm, I hope this man keeps making quality maps. Can't wait for his works in 2015 and beyond in the future.

Welcome to another session of post rating! Let's get started right away, shall we?

ColdTooth wrote:

I personally think that ColdTooth is a great person. I mean, he is one of the most known bronies in the osu! community next to ztrot, and they worked together on making very cool pony maps. I mean, just take a look at his map earlier this year, Don't Mine at Night, a collab between ColdTooth and Wolf, this is purely the next step in mapping in this time. I hope he gets to create more beatmaps, because I really love his newest beatmap, "Surprise Buttsecks". Purely great 1/3rd rhythm, I hope this man keeps making quality maps. Can't wait for his works in 2015 and beyond in the future.

This poster is obviously very fond of our ColdTooth for making his maps. One might say that this poster is a little too fond of ColdTooth. Maybe almost to the point of being satirical and ironic. If so, it's not very well hidden. Because I am biased towards CT due to the fact that I have known him for a while, I cannot comment on the statement of him being one of the most-known bronies, nor can I comment on his maps. However, for the lack of serious grammatical infractions and the overall comedic effect of the post, I will give this post a respectable 7/10.

abraker wrote:

1 A thread but a string
2 how can it knot?
3 on and on and on
4 where does it stop?
5 one cuts the thread
6 why shit it now?
7 it was good, maybe
8 one thread it new?
9 quality thread again
10 wait, is it meta?
11 don't be mad now
12 how much it needs?
13 ok, see you later
14 how about it again?

Oh boy, it's poetry...where do I begin?

For proper analysis I have taken the liberty of numbering the lines.

The poem opens up to a few lines that I suspected would foreshadow the rest of the work, mainly the consistent and identical meter of Lines 2, 4, 6, and 8. However, this pattern of four syllables is broken by Line 10, which contains five syllables. In addition, Line 14 has six syllables. Inconsistent meter is not acceptable. Lines 2 and 4 also sort of rhyme, but that pattern is broken with Lines 6 and 8.

Moving on from structure, let's take a look at content. I quite like the use of the word "thread" as it can mean a literal thread or a forum thread. The homophone "knot" is also a good word in this context because it sounds like "not" but the subject is a "thread"; it's a nice play on words. I may just be dumb, but I can't seem to grasp the meaning of Line 1: "a thread but a string". One thing I don't like about your word choice is the word "shit" in Line 6. It comes as a shock when the words around it are comparatively much tamer. It is inappropriate in this context.

Now, for my interpretation (this is entirely personal, it doesn't affect the grade): I see this poem as describing the story of a forum thread that never reaches its knot (i.e. never dies naturally). Instead, because someone "cut the thread" (i.e. locked it) it dies unnaturally. This in turn leads to the creation of a new thread, a meta thread, on the subject. The poster gets silenced in response but promises to come back again (Lines 13-14). On a deeper level, though, one can interpret it to mean an insane person trying to post a thread over and over again and expecting a different result. I only know of one person that this can be attributed to: Enetro and his "satire" threads. Overall, I quite like the story of this poem.

To give it a final grade, I would give it a 7/10. The word choice and effort level keep it from getting a low score, but the inconsistencies keep it from getting a high score. I would say it's an average post.

Canadian Baka wrote:

https://osu.ppy.sh/forum/t/737247

Hmm. This post consists of an argument for getting rid of subjectivity. There is a lack of capitalization and punctuation in your post (which I deem to be at least semi-serious—please correct me if I'm mistaken), which will cost you some style points. Your logic is flawed because you failed to prove your first sentence to be true: "subjectivity is what causes conflicts". Your last sentence is a bold solution to your argument, and I like your bravery to post such a statement. However, this post does not seem to have had a substantial amount of effort put into it, or be well thought-out. I would give your post a 5/10.

On a side note, I would like to point out the irony in you seeking subjective approval for your post bashing subjectivity.

And that's all the time we have for today. I'll be back tomorrow (for sure this time!) to rate some more posts. Have a nice night, everyone!

.

..

Izp hpazvpzez wzasztpzepzd 60 sepczopznd ozfp yzopur lipzfze

one dot, two dot
a bunch of junk
what shall be next?

abraker wrote:

one dot, two dot
a bunch of junk
what shall be next?

a nyeply foy nyuor quesnyion

citremi wrote:

.

ColdTooth wrote:

..

Because these posts are very similar to each other, I will group them into one. Really, all that these two posts consist of are periods. These full stops signify a closure of something—usually a sentence, but in this case the idea of wholesomeness—but I would argue that here, they signify beginnings. The beginnings of a new post, or a converted shitposter—a wholesomeposter. These newly-converted wholesomeposters are dedicated to spread there wholesomeness everywhere they go. It's so touching to see posters do the best they can!

1/10 not enough content

levesterz wrote:

Izp hpazvpzez wzasztpzepzd 60 sepczopznd ozfp yzopur lipzfze

This post is in Roshanese, so it is difficult to understand; luckily, I have trained in Roshanese for a whole year, so I know how to translate it to English (more or less).

I believe it says "I have wasted 60 seconds of your life", though my Roshanese is a bit rusty, so I can't be 100 percent sure.

Well, this post really tricked me. It did, in fact, waste sixty seconds of my life from trying to translate it...it's a smart post for tricking me. This post intrigued me and annoyed me at the same time. I'll give it a 6/10 for being humorous.

abraker wrote:

one dot, two dot
a bunch of junk
what shall be next?

This post is insightful, bringing up a philosophical question that we have all been asking but no one dared to speak. What will come next? Well, because this post really doesn't have any substance, we don't have any idea. I'll give this post a 6/10 for trying.

[quote="Blitzfrog"][/quote]

[quote="Blitzfrog"] [  /quote​]

This post attempts to retell an idea that exists not in the path we have chosen. It's a void of words done by the whim of nature, something that could have been easily otherwise. It's the words from a close person who never came back to talk. If that person did say something, well he did not, but a ghostly reminiscents shining through to tell us that maybe he could have. It's a 7/10 but make no mistake.