For a long time, I've feel that I've taken osu too serious that it even affected my life, I've try to not to focus, yet every try failed.
When I first joined osu 3 years ago, everything was fine for me, at that time I consider osu as a game to play when I feel bored, but everything changed since I made my long-term dream. I dreamed about being #1 eventually, even knowing this is a hard dream and will take years to come true, I still made this dream. One year later, I changed it into "at least within #1000", yet it's still a hard dream. I reached my peak (14000) on August, 2014, yet I also faced my 3rd junior high year, a year that I have to study for about 14 hours a day.
It's no doubt that under this situation, I don't have much time to play osu and eventually causing my rank to go down, till this day. At first it wasn't a big problem for me, but when I started to see my friends on Facebook getting stronger and stronger, I started to feel depressed. I started to ask myself, "What have I done? Look at what they've done, but me?", and making myself feeling worse everytime when I think of osu.
I once thought about revoke friendship, but that was not a good choice, since I don't want to hurt them. I've never given up my dream, I even made another short-term goal (beat MillhioreF on StrangeProgram), but the dream seemed to be impossible now, and I find it hard to focus on osu now.
Currently I seldom play osu, for me a game with ranking system is something that makes me don't want to play, yet ironically I still want to make my dream come true. An I-don't-care-about-my-rank osu player is like an oxymoron for me, but ironically I really don't care about my rank now, all I want is happiness.
What can I do to make to make my dream come true and also find happiness? I want to make myself happy again with osu again, just like when I first joined.
When I first joined osu 3 years ago, everything was fine for me, at that time I consider osu as a game to play when I feel bored, but everything changed since I made my long-term dream. I dreamed about being #1 eventually, even knowing this is a hard dream and will take years to come true, I still made this dream. One year later, I changed it into "at least within #1000", yet it's still a hard dream. I reached my peak (14000) on August, 2014, yet I also faced my 3rd junior high year, a year that I have to study for about 14 hours a day.
It's no doubt that under this situation, I don't have much time to play osu and eventually causing my rank to go down, till this day. At first it wasn't a big problem for me, but when I started to see my friends on Facebook getting stronger and stronger, I started to feel depressed. I started to ask myself, "What have I done? Look at what they've done, but me?", and making myself feeling worse everytime when I think of osu.
I once thought about revoke friendship, but that was not a good choice, since I don't want to hurt them. I've never given up my dream, I even made another short-term goal (beat MillhioreF on StrangeProgram), but the dream seemed to be impossible now, and I find it hard to focus on osu now.
Currently I seldom play osu, for me a game with ranking system is something that makes me don't want to play, yet ironically I still want to make my dream come true. An I-don't-care-about-my-rank osu player is like an oxymoron for me, but ironically I really don't care about my rank now, all I want is happiness.
What can I do to make to make my dream come true and also find happiness? I want to make myself happy again with osu again, just like when I first joined.