i confess that i fap to wojjans posts
ugh i feel filthy help me
ugh i feel filthy help me
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Confess II: Confess Harder
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I think that I need to throw away all emotions to get better at life. It feels like I need to put a permanent "nice guy" mask when I'm around people I already know(including my family).
I'm experiencing this as well. I don't want to go back to this house ever again.Chris9427 wrote:
I'm getting more and more distant towards my family each day. I'm sure I won't ever have contact with them again when I move out.
What do you mean get better at life?piruchan wrote:
I think that I need to throw away all emotions to get better at life. It feels like I need to put a permanent "nice guy" mask when I'm around people I already know(including my family).
What's wrong with it? What's wrong with your family?I'm experiencing this as well. I don't want to go back to this house ever again.Chris9427 wrote:
I'm getting more and more distant towards my family each day. I'm sure I won't ever have contact with them again when I move out.
I talk to myself for 30 mins at a time when I need to be alone and walk out. Not conversations, I'm not fucking mental but talking to myself and telling my self stories or pretending I'm a narrator of what I am currently doing etc...
I think most people will do this if they are alone and we are barely alone at times online so go outside, find a nice park and take a 40 min walk and I'm sure you will be talking or thinking of cool scenarios and it'll take up your time. I like walks
I think most people will do this if they are alone and we are barely alone at times online so go outside, find a nice park and take a 40 min walk and I'm sure you will be talking or thinking of cool scenarios and it'll take up your time. I like walks
Same hereMakan1 wrote:
I talk to myself for 30 mins at a time when I need to be alone and walk out. Not conversations, I'm not fucking mental but talking to myself and telling my self stories or pretending I'm a narrator of what I am currently doing etc...
I think most people will do this if they are alone and we are barely alone at times online so go outside, find a nice park and take a 40 min walk and I'm sure you will be talking or thinking of cool scenarios and it'll take up your time. I like walks
Well, I 'commentate' things that happen in my thoughts almost the whole time, especially in games.Makan1 wrote:
I talk to myself for 30 mins at a time when I need to be alone and walk out. Not conversations, I'm not fucking mental but talking to myself and telling my self stories or pretending I'm a narrator of what I am currently doing etc...
I think most people will do this if they are alone and we are barely alone at times online so go outside, find a nice park and take a 40 min walk and I'm sure you will be talking or thinking of cool scenarios and it'll take up your time. I like walks
I also think of answers in English, when talking to someone for example. It's easier to express myself in English.
@ Brian OA
What's wrong with it? What's wrong with your family?
I don't really mind that I won't have contact with them anymore.
They're just a huge pain in the ass when I have to talk with them. They're one of the last people on earth that I would want a conversation with.
(On my android atm, I couldn't quote your reply.)
Speaking of commentating yourself, is it completely normal to go on a rampage on GTA V and pretend to be the news chopper guy as everything is going to shit?
I don't think it's normal per se, but it's fine I guess. I used to that on scary games like Resident Evil when I was kid so I wouldn't feel so frightened.
How are they annoying? Too overbearing? No common interests?
It's coolChris9427 wrote:
I don't really mind that I won't have contact with them anymore.
They're just a huge pain in the ass when I have to talk with them. They're one of the last people on earth that I would want a conversation with.
(On my android atm, I couldn't quote your reply.)
How are they annoying? Too overbearing? No common interests?
Same here...huehue.Makan1 wrote:
I talk to myself for 30 mins at a time when I need to be alone and walk out. Not conversations, I'm not fucking mental but talking to myself and telling my self stories or pretending I'm a narrator of what I am currently doing etc...
I'm NOT the only one!!! Yahooooo!Makan1 wrote:
I talk to myself for 30 mins at a time when I need to be alone and walk out. Not conversations, I'm not fucking mental but talking to myself and telling my self stories or pretending I'm a narrator of what I am currently doing etc...
I think most people will do this if they are alone and we are barely alone at times online so go outside, find a nice park and take a 40 min walk and I'm sure you will be talking or thinking of cool scenarios and it'll take up your time. I like walks
I also sing.
Singing + walking fast to catch a bus is hard. So it may be my fault if it's been raining the whole summer in France. Sorry, truly. -_-#
It's mostly just minor things, but even minor problems become a major problem when there are too much of them.Brian OA wrote:
It's coolChris9427 wrote:
I don't really mind that I won't have contact with them anymore.
They're just a huge pain in the ass when I have to talk with them. They're one of the last people on earth that I would want a conversation with.
(On my android atm, I couldn't quote your reply.)
How are they annoying? Too overbearing? No common interests?
The way they talk to me, for example. They also keep opening the door of my room without knocking, which scares me every time.
I also have 2 little brothers, which are 6 - 4 years old, so they're really noisy. I hate kids, especially when they can't stop yelling. I have to listen to music on almost full volume, which probably already damaged my hearing quite a lot.
I also can't access the Internet with my PC for a few weeks now, because my parents forgot their keys, and I was asleep, so I couldn't open the door for a while. ( They were waiting from 9 am till 2 pm )
I'm Breathing!
Seems to me like you should just loosen up. If it's just minor stuff like waltzing into your room then just calmly confront them about it. Ask them to knock first or put a little reminder by the door for example.Chris9427 wrote:
If it's about kids, there's always a way to deal with them. They're always noisy, but you can usually keep them distracted or have them move someplace that doesn't bother you as much. Having commuted to school for twelve years by bus, I typically kept a lot of the younger students busy by telling them stories, teaching them about crap, or bringing stuff like comic books or video games to keep them busy.
That said, it does take quite a bit of patience. Dealing with family, that is. Everyone supports each other through their own selfish reasons and that's why it's so weird most of the time.
You seem even better at slurping semenFluffyTeddy wrote:
I'm Breathing!
That's easier said that done. Kids just don't simply annoy me. I have a deep hatred for them, especially my brothers. Just hearing their voices is a pain.Brian OA wrote:
-snip-
I can't talk with them.
And the problem with my parents.. ny father literally rips the door open as loud as he can, for the sole purpose to scare the shit out of me. It wasn't that bad the first few weeks, but after 3 years...
It's probably not that long anymore till I can finally move out and live alone. I'll just wait and see what happens. That's how I always solved my problems.
I want to get backdoored
Nothing is easy when it comes to dealing with people, but well, I've given you my two cents. If that's how you'll roll, then go ahead.Chris9427 wrote:
Family is really hard to deal sometimes because even though they share your own blood, they are still different people than you with different ideas. If you think the only solution is to move out, then that's fine. Nobody says that you have to love your biological family at all costs.Chris9427 wrote:
That's easier said that done. Kids just don't simply annoy me. I have a deep hatred for them, especially my brothers. Just hearing their voices is a pain.Brian OA wrote:
-snip-
I can't talk with them.
And the problem with my parents.. ny father literally rips the door open as loud as he can, for the sole purpose to scare the shit out of me. It wasn't that bad the first few weeks, but after 3 years...
It's probably not that long anymore till I can finally move out and live alone. I'll just wait and see what happens. That's how I always solved my problems.
"You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family."Dulcet wrote:
Family is really hard to deal sometimes because even though they share your own blood, they are still different people than you with different ideas. If you think the only solution is to move out, then that's fine. Nobody says that you have to love your biological family at all costs.
It's all about having luck again.
To put it simple, ideological difference. It's not like they're communist and I'm liberal, but we have a different way of doing pretty much everything (and apparently my way of doing things irritate them, a lot). They're a follower of "introvert=bad" equation and I'm the only introvert in the family. And they keep bragging about togetherness (I don't think that's the right word), but they lack coordination internally.Brian OA wrote:
What's wrong with it? What's wrong with your family?
As for your first question, I'm sorry, I'm not going to answer that. It's way too personal and I'm not going to tell a guy in Panama whom I just met over the internet several months ago. But you're a smart guy, I know you can understand.
With that outlook on life no wonder you don't like your family. Relationships, trust, love, and understanding aren't built on luck, bud. It is easier said than done but, there are no magical fixes. Stuff like that doesn't get any better just by sitting on your ass and waiting. It's all up to you. So get up off your keister, get out of here, and go start doin' the work. Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.Chris9427 wrote:
It's all about having luck again.
My family throws the same tripe at me but that's not really a good reason to dislike them for it. I mean, that doesn't really matter per se.piruchan wrote:
To put it simple, ideological difference. It's not like they're communist and I'm liberal, but we have a different way of doing pretty much everything (and apparently my way of doing things irritate them, a lot). They're a follower of "introvert=bad" equation and I'm the only introvert in the family. And they keep bragging about togetherness (I don't think that's the right word), but they lack coordination internally.
Sure an argument about that can get infuriating, but your opinions and approaches to a social life shouldn't affect your relationship with them. Otherwise I would have impaled my brother by now considering we even argue about the way we drink soup. My dad still comes up to me every once in a while and he tells me shit that can be summarized as >tfw your son has tfw no gf.
But hey, that doesn't stop me from hanging around them, supporting them when they're down, and eventually hear a "thanks" or a really fast almost kind of tsun reaction consisting of saying "you're gay" and then running to his/her room. 'Cause I know they'd do the same if I let them. I guess the payback is worth it too sometimes.
So really, if the thing isn't working out, it has to be something else.
As for your first question, I'm sorry, I'm not going to answer that. It's way too personal and I'm not going to tell a guy in Panama whom I just met over the internet several months ago. But you're a smart guy, I know you can understand.I'm not really up for farming affection points so I won't push it.
I don't use the toaster as much as I want to, because each time I use it, it scares the shit out of me.
The general public has a false view on introverts.
And we cant help it
Im the kind of person that needs my alone time sometimes, and i hate huge ass parties or large gatherings.
But im not anti social
I love hanging out with my best buddies of course...
But in groups of 2-3 ....
Thats is because i can have quality time with said person
Being in large crowds and big groups overwhelms me..
I cant help to wonder... how are these people able to handle so many people at the same time
because i wouldnt be able to
Maybe some extroverts can share their view on this...?
Im really curious...
Is it still considered quality time
Well i have another thing about me tho...
I really enjoy being alone..
You know how when you go to a mall by yourself... it feels like i have all the time in the world to do whatever i want to.
Without needing to worry about going back at said time to do this and that... or stuff like that
And everything just runs so smoothly at your own pace it feels so relaxing.
And when you have dinner or any meal by yourself.. picking a place to eat which is your own favourite place without having to worry about anyone wanting to go somewhere else feels wonderful.
Taking your time to do whatever you want at your own pace .
Thats what makes being alone so good for me sometimes
But dont get me wrong though...
Being alone is not equivalent to being lonely...
Being lonely just plain right sucks
I wish people would understand introverts more instead of calling us antisocial and not wanting to mix with people...
Just..
Yeah.....
And we cant help it
Im the kind of person that needs my alone time sometimes, and i hate huge ass parties or large gatherings.
But im not anti social
I love hanging out with my best buddies of course...
But in groups of 2-3 ....
Thats is because i can have quality time with said person
Being in large crowds and big groups overwhelms me..
I cant help to wonder... how are these people able to handle so many people at the same time
because i wouldnt be able to
Maybe some extroverts can share their view on this...?
Im really curious...
Is it still considered quality time
Well i have another thing about me tho...
I really enjoy being alone..
You know how when you go to a mall by yourself... it feels like i have all the time in the world to do whatever i want to.
Without needing to worry about going back at said time to do this and that... or stuff like that
And everything just runs so smoothly at your own pace it feels so relaxing.
And when you have dinner or any meal by yourself.. picking a place to eat which is your own favourite place without having to worry about anyone wanting to go somewhere else feels wonderful.
Taking your time to do whatever you want at your own pace .
Thats what makes being alone so good for me sometimes
But dont get me wrong though...
Being alone is not equivalent to being lonely...
Being lonely just plain right sucks
I wish people would understand introverts more instead of calling us antisocial and not wanting to mix with people...
Just..
Yeah.....
Whatever the general public thinks about introverts doesn't really matter. They're not your friends and they won't ostracize you just because you're reserved.
That's plain dumb.
Of course, I can totally relate with staying alone. It's easy and simple. Nobody to drag you down or suck you in some weird place; all decisions are unanimous; and nobody's around to judge you.
However, getting out of your comfort zone does give you plenty of opportunities (tfw no gf) you normally wouldn't get otherwise. A friend can only bring out a certain side out of another, so going out in larger groups does let you enjoy different kinds of interactions from the same people. In a sense it's still quality time, it's just spent more as a group than a pair. Thus you get bonds that are formed and identify themselves as teams, classes, residence halls, and so on.
It's not particularly hard though; you're not interacting with everyone at the same time (say the group is made up of six or eight people) so you just switch around different subgroups within and kinda wing it through. Sometimes you'll end up spending more time interacting with some more than others and that's fine. The same happens to everyone else.
Anyway, the only advice I can give you is to relax around groups the same way you would when you're alone. You can't reach out to others or respond to them otherwise. It is hard to socialize properly but you can't go through life's joys properly without it. You can even sperg your way through it as long as it's your style. I mean, I'm not as smooth as my brother or anything and I'm way too immature for any of that shit but you'll figure your way around it with enough time. Before you know it, the very people you meet will motivate you even further (unless they happen to be thugs or cunts, in which case promptly run away)
TL;DR Loosen the fuck up socializing is not a big deal; go back home and relax as needed. Nothing to be insecure about. Refer to this if in doubt.
That's plain dumb.
Of course, I can totally relate with staying alone. It's easy and simple. Nobody to drag you down or suck you in some weird place; all decisions are unanimous; and nobody's around to judge you.
However, getting out of your comfort zone does give you plenty of opportunities (tfw no gf) you normally wouldn't get otherwise. A friend can only bring out a certain side out of another, so going out in larger groups does let you enjoy different kinds of interactions from the same people. In a sense it's still quality time, it's just spent more as a group than a pair. Thus you get bonds that are formed and identify themselves as teams, classes, residence halls, and so on.
It's not particularly hard though; you're not interacting with everyone at the same time (say the group is made up of six or eight people) so you just switch around different subgroups within and kinda wing it through. Sometimes you'll end up spending more time interacting with some more than others and that's fine. The same happens to everyone else.
Anyway, the only advice I can give you is to relax around groups the same way you would when you're alone. You can't reach out to others or respond to them otherwise. It is hard to socialize properly but you can't go through life's joys properly without it. You can even sperg your way through it as long as it's your style. I mean, I'm not as smooth as my brother or anything and I'm way too immature for any of that shit but you'll figure your way around it with enough time. Before you know it, the very people you meet will motivate you even further (unless they happen to be thugs or cunts, in which case promptly run away)
TL;DR Loosen the fuck up socializing is not a big deal; go back home and relax as needed. Nothing to be insecure about. Refer to this if in doubt.
I don't know what I'm going to do after high school, and I could be only 2 months away from finishing it, if things go well.
You can opt for an undecided major in college. They'll let you ride that for up to two years, but you'd best get on figuring out what you're going to do as soon as you can.
Random bump.
Everytime I'm on the aeroplane. I NEVER flush the toilet. It scares the CRAP out of me.
Everytime I'm on the aeroplane. I NEVER flush the toilet. It scares the CRAP out of me.
I'm the same, and I'm in college. I'm probably too lazy/incapable of doing most jobs.Trash Boat wrote:
I don't know what I'm going to do after high school, and I could be only 2 months away from finishing it, if things go well.
I go on omegle sometimes, with the common interests tag as 'osu' ;(
I keep a flash drive with all the Osu maps I download on it, so I can switch computers easily. (And for when one of my computers break)
I want to punch anyone who is ignorant enough to believe that just because someone likes anime they're automatically a weeaboo/otaku. I mean, I don't go and say that "baseball is a homo sport" because it involves balls and the bat could be a euphemism for some guy's meat stick.... Some people are ridiculous
I like watching 10 minute videos of just dominoes collapsing on each other.
The first time they get set up, they feel empowered standing in large groups, confident that together they can please the one who was kind enough to get them on their feet yet fate is cruel and they discover the hands that raised them did it with the intent of watching them fall; and with a small push from a finger, they all fulfill what the human wanted. Rinse and Repeat.
I molested my own sister when I was 6 and trying to have sex at 7.. my life cant be more wrong than this.. I am a monster deep inside, no matter what..
venting shit
I'm excited but scared of what the future holds for me. I'm supposed to be a senior next year, and pressure from my family has pretty much been set upon my shoulders. I've always been the honors student, the one who's gotten A's and B's. I used to be way more sociable, happy, and optimistic when I was younger; now it feels like any redeeming qualities I may have had about myself are just gone. I'm struggling with some classes (though I have gotten better this semester, I think), and my procrastination has only gotten worse. I've become more introverted, shy, and quiet around others unless we're very close friends, and my self-esteem and confidence has kind of hit rock bottom. My anxiety seems to get in the way when I try to make new friends; I'm afraid of initiating conversations, and I get so scared of disappointing them or not living up to their "expectations." Every time I've chatted in-game, I only speak to them for a day. After that, they're gone. If anything, I feel like it's my fault. I want to meet someone in which we can share a "mutual closeness" with, rather than being tossed aside and forgotten about. I've come across lots of people that I'd like to be friends with, but just don't have the courage to talk to. I want to be able to get my shit together and be able to become a better person. I want to be ready for what comes ahead in life, and to enjoy life for what it is while I still have time to do so.
Confess huh
mmmm
Something NOT so personal but personal
Ok
I can never get close with anyone on the internet no matter how hard I try
mmmm
Something NOT so personal but personal
Ok
I can never get close with anyone on the internet no matter how hard I try
My Reasoning
I'm talking about both friendship and relationship
It's probably cus they don't see me face to face, but I personally think that's the beauty of it. Ya know? When the first thing you see is the most genuine side of someone, who they want to be. Cus that's what it is on the internet, people just be who they want to be. And you might say they can fake a personality, but I argue that's the same with in real life. And these kind of people break after a while. In fact, when you get face to face, there is more cover, more disguise, there is more fear to be someone that is good.
Sounds retarded, I know, but that's just my experience.
People tend to tell me stuff like "be careful who you meet on the internet, you never know who they are". But seriously though, it's the same with anyone you meet "in real life". Kinda like how nobody knew Ted Bundy was a killer. In that sense, it's even more dangerous irl, because on the internet, if trash goes wrong, you have some time to get away. And believe me, if they're a serial killer, they ain't gonna fly all the way to Jamaica just for that one kill.
And then they say there is the creepy guys who will stalk you, and threat you and start this madness love and end up coming to your house.
Seriously though, do you think everyone is that retarded? The chances of you getting hit by one of these guys is probably just about the same as getting stalked by some creep in real life. Again, the latter is the worse case. Cus even if they were, do you think they have the money for it????
It takes A LOT to go to your house!!
I mean after all, the internet was made to bring people together.
I just honestly don't see why "irl friends" are more trustworthy than "online friends"
It just pisses me off that no matter how hard I try, there is just that "internet" wall between me and my friends
Or maybe it's just my personality, Idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
For relationships though, there is the problem of timezones and not being able to get physical, which I guess is an essential part. But that's what makes it better when you DO get together right? Kinda like finally being able to eat that cookie after waiting for an hour, drooling. It just really depends on if you can get past that drooling time and not give up.
It's probably cus they don't see me face to face, but I personally think that's the beauty of it. Ya know? When the first thing you see is the most genuine side of someone, who they want to be. Cus that's what it is on the internet, people just be who they want to be. And you might say they can fake a personality, but I argue that's the same with in real life. And these kind of people break after a while. In fact, when you get face to face, there is more cover, more disguise, there is more fear to be someone that is good.
Sounds retarded, I know, but that's just my experience.
People tend to tell me stuff like "be careful who you meet on the internet, you never know who they are". But seriously though, it's the same with anyone you meet "in real life". Kinda like how nobody knew Ted Bundy was a killer. In that sense, it's even more dangerous irl, because on the internet, if trash goes wrong, you have some time to get away. And believe me, if they're a serial killer, they ain't gonna fly all the way to Jamaica just for that one kill.
And then they say there is the creepy guys who will stalk you, and threat you and start this madness love and end up coming to your house.
Seriously though, do you think everyone is that retarded? The chances of you getting hit by one of these guys is probably just about the same as getting stalked by some creep in real life. Again, the latter is the worse case. Cus even if they were, do you think they have the money for it????
It takes A LOT to go to your house!!
I mean after all, the internet was made to bring people together.
I just honestly don't see why "irl friends" are more trustworthy than "online friends"
It just pisses me off that no matter how hard I try, there is just that "internet" wall between me and my friends
Or maybe it's just my personality, Idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
For relationships though, there is the problem of timezones and not being able to get physical, which I guess is an essential part. But that's what makes it better when you DO get together right? Kinda like finally being able to eat that cookie after waiting for an hour, drooling. It just really depends on if you can get past that drooling time and not give up.
confession
what the fuck the above two posts are literally the only two thoughts i have about life
i mean i want to be a waifu material too, but every time i end up posting weird autistic shit that distances everyone from me
but i guess ...
it...
DEPENDS
AYYYYYYYYYYY
i did it again, didnt i?
i will not embrace e-autism
but i guess ...
it...
DEPENDS
AYYYYYYYYYYY
i did it again, didnt i?
i will not embrace e-autism
Is this the vent thread? OK then.
Why do we put these in boxes?
I feel as if I'm worthless and can't do anything. Anything I attempt I am trash at, or at least there is someone right next to me that can do it better. I find it satisfying when I solve a problem when I sit down and code, but get let down when I realize I don't know how to do shit on github (fork a project, help out with a program), and I don't even know how to build shit from its source code. I can play piano, but it's very basic, and I have trouble playing with both hands. I know the answer is "play more", but I've been playing since I was 11, almost seven years now, and it seems as if I haven't improved at all. I used to think I was good at math until this year's finals started popping up. I used to not need to study ever but now I'm checking out library books and studying my ass of for this. And I'm not even good anymore, my knowledge of high school math is limited when compared to other people's, especially on the internet. I remember desperately trying to follow with the probability debate in OT Bingo 2, and feeling lost and confused instead. My writing skills are not up to par with my peers, either. Whenever I try to write fiction I either get off topic or it ends up boring because the conflict is weak. My drawing is probably the aspect I am the worst at. I couldn't draw something good even if my life depended on it, and I feel really bad whenever I see people's masterpieces in the Art subforum.
My social skills are shit as well. I can't keep a conversation going at all, and I have no one to talk to during lunch. My greatest fear is probably dying alone, but I have given up on the possibility of avoiding that a long time ago.
I'm not even good at the things I enjoy. I can't get under 25k no matter how hard I try, and I always get 5th place or less whenever I play multiplayer. My skills are nonexistent and I know it.
I feel as if I can't do anything anymore.
My social skills are shit as well. I can't keep a conversation going at all, and I have no one to talk to during lunch. My greatest fear is probably dying alone, but I have given up on the possibility of avoiding that a long time ago.
I'm not even good at the things I enjoy. I can't get under 25k no matter how hard I try, and I always get 5th place or less whenever I play multiplayer. My skills are nonexistent and I know it.
I feel as if I can't do anything anymore.
no tldr
ayy idk where to start this is going to be long..
I've read a few confessions above and although I might not feel the same way others do about their own situation (since everyone has different experiences), I felt that everyone goes through a similar pain. Again, like always, I'm listening to a pretty messy song right now so this post isn't going to be that contained. Prepare your dyslexia.
First thing on my mind. I've had this thought for about 5 years now. I've lived a dynamic life, and turns out I'm attending my seventh school and living in my fifth country over the duration of 12 years. Which means.... I haven't had enough time to socialize anywhere. Unable to make friends. At school I'm just a kind and smiley student who gets along with everyone, but outside of school I don't have anyone to talk to, nor I go out of my house often. I sometimes ignore my friends' chat because I feel like it's a waste of time. Lunch time is mostly by my own because again, I enjoy eating my lunch fast and chilling for the leftover minutes. Sometimes I'll visit my friends' lunchtable and enjoy - it's really fun talking to friends and eating lunch together - just to feel like I've wasted time and eating lunch by myself again the next day.
Me irl or on the internet is pretty happy mostly because I try not to think about anything. Sometimes I think I'm too lenient. People think I'm easy. I try to meet their expectations and tend to be easy with. There's a rude girl in the grade below and she insults me all day but I just get it over with a smile or laugh. Some probably think I'm dumb because I really don't try to do shit. I've had something similar to depression over the last two years, thinking about suicide at times (not nowadays because I stopped thinking about my life in general lmao) and I think it's slowly transitioning into lethargy. I don't remember doing a single productive thing in the past year or so. I've really thought about visiting a doctor and I probably should. The last months of lethargy, I should say, was pretty depressing if I think of it but at least I'm not stressed and I'm happy to not think about anything.
All friends my age (especially girls) talk about dramas, celebrities, but I'm really not interested in those stuff. I like games and anime, but not deep enough to be called a gamer or weeb, to be honest. I just tend to have a shallow and broad knowledge of various subjects. Boys at school who like games or anime really tend to boast their 'knowledge'. My friend talking about League and being salty about how autistic others are. He's in Bronze 5, watches weird videos of those "new meta" videos, calls random champions OP, gets rekt in ranked, talks to me about how broken the system is. -_-
The only thing I'm left with are studies, which don't really make a good conversation. It usually becomes a rant. I've given up on studies. Although I've seriously slacked off my studies, I'm still a little-above-average student, thanks to my Asian genes or whatever it is. (I swear people say "don't be racist" but there are differences between races. It's just that the differences between races shouldn't limit anyone's ability to do something.) I take the IB, and according to my course selection and subjects taken over the two years, am supposed to be good at Maths and Computer Sciences. I seriously lack those two subjects so much, at this point I'm afraid I won't be able to do well in uni either. I lack a lot of logical ability, and it only seems to worsen over the years. I've stopped reading books at some point because I couldn't understand them well enough anymore. I seriously fear dyslexia or ADHD but you know, it's not like I have severe symptoms and I'm probably exaggerating or making excuses for myself at this point. I think my lethargy is the main problem.
Hopefully uni will cure all these problems. I'm really looking forward to doing subjects I like, studying for a goal, and making friends with mutual interests. Hope my uni has some osu! players or other gamers. HMU if anyone's going to UBC, because that's the most likely uni I will attend.
I've read a few confessions above and although I might not feel the same way others do about their own situation (since everyone has different experiences), I felt that everyone goes through a similar pain. Again, like always, I'm listening to a pretty messy song right now so this post isn't going to be that contained. Prepare your dyslexia.
First thing on my mind. I've had this thought for about 5 years now. I've lived a dynamic life, and turns out I'm attending my seventh school and living in my fifth country over the duration of 12 years. Which means.... I haven't had enough time to socialize anywhere. Unable to make friends. At school I'm just a kind and smiley student who gets along with everyone, but outside of school I don't have anyone to talk to, nor I go out of my house often. I sometimes ignore my friends' chat because I feel like it's a waste of time. Lunch time is mostly by my own because again, I enjoy eating my lunch fast and chilling for the leftover minutes. Sometimes I'll visit my friends' lunchtable and enjoy - it's really fun talking to friends and eating lunch together - just to feel like I've wasted time and eating lunch by myself again the next day.
Me irl or on the internet is pretty happy mostly because I try not to think about anything. Sometimes I think I'm too lenient. People think I'm easy. I try to meet their expectations and tend to be easy with. There's a rude girl in the grade below and she insults me all day but I just get it over with a smile or laugh. Some probably think I'm dumb because I really don't try to do shit. I've had something similar to depression over the last two years, thinking about suicide at times (not nowadays because I stopped thinking about my life in general lmao) and I think it's slowly transitioning into lethargy. I don't remember doing a single productive thing in the past year or so. I've really thought about visiting a doctor and I probably should. The last months of lethargy, I should say, was pretty depressing if I think of it but at least I'm not stressed and I'm happy to not think about anything.
All friends my age (especially girls) talk about dramas, celebrities, but I'm really not interested in those stuff. I like games and anime, but not deep enough to be called a gamer or weeb, to be honest. I just tend to have a shallow and broad knowledge of various subjects. Boys at school who like games or anime really tend to boast their 'knowledge'. My friend talking about League and being salty about how autistic others are. He's in Bronze 5, watches weird videos of those "new meta" videos, calls random champions OP, gets rekt in ranked, talks to me about how broken the system is. -_-
The only thing I'm left with are studies, which don't really make a good conversation. It usually becomes a rant. I've given up on studies. Although I've seriously slacked off my studies, I'm still a little-above-average student, thanks to my Asian genes or whatever it is. (I swear people say "don't be racist" but there are differences between races. It's just that the differences between races shouldn't limit anyone's ability to do something.) I take the IB, and according to my course selection and subjects taken over the two years, am supposed to be good at Maths and Computer Sciences. I seriously lack those two subjects so much, at this point I'm afraid I won't be able to do well in uni either. I lack a lot of logical ability, and it only seems to worsen over the years. I've stopped reading books at some point because I couldn't understand them well enough anymore. I seriously fear dyslexia or ADHD but you know, it's not like I have severe symptoms and I'm probably exaggerating or making excuses for myself at this point. I think my lethargy is the main problem.
Hopefully uni will cure all these problems. I'm really looking forward to doing subjects I like, studying for a goal, and making friends with mutual interests. Hope my uni has some osu! players or other gamers. HMU if anyone's going to UBC, because that's the most likely uni I will attend.