You have just been stabbed with the last blue item you touched.
The month you were born is how many inches deep, and the last body part you touched is where.
The last two digits of your phone number are your percentage survival chance.

So now tell me, exactly how fucked are you ?

Welp.
Blue sharpie, one inch deep in my nostril, and my chance of survival is 79%. I think I'm okay. You?

Blue cloth, two inches deep in my eye, and 54% chance of survival. Could be worse !

I have been stabbed with hand lotion cork, 12 inches deep and in my lower belly. My survival percentage is 82%.
Meh, been worse.

Cool.

Getting stabbed with my Nintendo DSi, 20,32cm deep in my right leg.

Chance of survival: 77%

Could be worse.

I get stabbed by a birthday card from my grandfather 6 inches deep in the dick. Percentage of survival: 6%

Dangit.

Not really; blue NDSi is already kinda meh.

stabbed by my sweater, 8 inches deep in my leg, survival chance = 96%

Stabbed with my keyboard, 11 inches deep in my chin(beard?). Chance of survival: 70%

Pretty sure this wouldn't work all that well lmao.

I was stabbed with my blue shorts 8 inches deep in my upper leg and my chance to survival is at 42%.

I guess the doctor should calculate that again. I never heard that people died from being stabbed with blue pants 8 inches deep in the upper leg.

Getting born on a month that doesn't even exist gonna suck.

Oh I'm so fucking pro. I always have this. I'm born on 13th of august which woukld be the 8th month and I always mistake the 13 to be a month (once upon a time there actually wre 13 months though). I'm gonna make a correction, huh.

Blue sofa 10 inches deep into my neck with a 30% chance of survival.

Well then.