[General]
Pretty good for a first map, but it still lacks in various regions. First thought: it's too clustered. Try using more of the space. I don't mean in one pattern, its still insane-ish diff. But make patterns across the whole playing field, not just in one place.
Example" 00:31:219 - from here to 00:44:108 - here you're just mapping in the middle. It's not structured, thus messy and not quite aestheticly pleasing.

Another thing is rhytmical field. You don't emphasize melody nor map everything in the background which is not really good. Try listening to everything song has to offer and map it accordingly. I'd like you to focus more on the drums and how you represent them aswell.

[AiMod]
Object's end is not snapped! 03:07:232
Object's end is not snapped! 04:39:067
Object's end is not snapped! 04:48:618
Object's end is not snapped! 04:53:516
Object's end is not snapped! 05:47:271
Object's end is not snapped! 06:05:516
Audio bitrate is higher than 192kbps. Consider recompressing to CBR 192kbps or VBR ~1.0.

[Mod]
00:19:441 (1,2,3) - as i said before, you should move stuff like that somewhere, or position it keeping in mind overlapses like 00:18:997 (6,3) - it's very meh looking.
00:22:997 (1,2,3) - same, why not moving it in the way so it doesnt overlap in a messy way. Some overlapses are good, but this is just ugly.
mapping is like a puzzle you need to figure out. If you want it to be nice, everything needs to be connected in a nice way. My fast proposition: https://osu.ppy.sh/ss/8836455 by doing it like this, you connect two elements in a pattern and avoid messy overlaps. But remember about good flow too! By good i dont nevesserly mean comfortable. But appropriate. Usually, it should flow nicely, but if the song provides sth harsh, make it feel in the map. Ofc, in a aesthecially nice way.

00:26:552 (1,4) - ye, overlapse

00:31:219 (1,2,3) - why xd
00:31:663 - u missed a strong tick here and 00:32:774 (4) - this doesnt make any sense rhytmicaly

00:33:885 (1,2,3) - another messy overlapse
btw, if sth like 00:33:885 (1,3) - this happens, stack the circle with the tail

00:36:330 (5,6,1) - i'm gonna stop pointing out such puny overlapses. You know how this looks by know, and what to dow with sth like that. Keep the right ds, and i mean stick to what you did before with for example that 00:36:330 (5,6) - , keep the overlapse, but the same ds aswell. 00:37:219 (1) - and move this out of the way, because it's a messy overlapse

00:38:330 (1,2) - 00:37:219 (1) - just go back and forth and see what overlapses what, and move it. One object in a normal case should not overlapse the next withing the range of ~2 sec. Depends on ar, how fast the song is in that moment and other stuff, but i stick to 2 second rule generally.

00:53:663 (7,2) - make blankets if you see sth like that

00:58:552 (1,2) - that's example of a good overlapse, nice idea, strucutred. but overlapping with 00:56:552 (3,4,5) - so, not as good as it could be

01:16:108 (1) - that's quite hard to read, i'd ctrl+g every slidern in similar patterns. I know there is a slight difference in melody, but i'd place playability, and readability in front

01:31:219 (4,2) - blanket
02:18:745 (1,1) - correct blanket
02:22:174 (5,1) - blanket

02:32:827 (3,5) - xd. Ofc, just an example, not gonna point every single shit in this map, mainly because im too lazy and because i want you to see stuff like that. Ok, first: put the playback rate at 25% and listen how many sounds you missed in that slider. I count 6, + you put a strong sound on a slider tail which
is very meh. You shouldnt generally do that. Second thing: If there were no sounds, this slider is broken in terms of aesthetics. Ofc its subejctive, but imo its ugly, and in addition it overlapses with 02:32:827 (3) - . It's still one combo pattern, why not make it a part of it visually.
proposition: https://osu.ppy.sh/ss/8836596
and art for the next connection: https://osu.ppy.sh/ss/8836628
Creative thinking, and structure, plz.
And no, the second slider aint alright rhytmically. Missed about 8 notes there if im correct. (guessing from memory)

02:42:499 - what the fuck. You didnt even increase spacing. Dude what. please.
That whole thing is just a mess and from 02:46:417 - here, you change the rhytm in the map while its completely the same in the song. mate. Consistency.

03:09:927 (6,1) - plz, that's not how you do blankets. It's ugly. circle shouldnt touch slider while blanketing

03:36:864 (1,4) - plz blanket

also, one thing got me thinking. Why the slow part is in kiai, while the fast is not :v? 03:40:048 -

04:09:926 (8,4) - one of the rare moments where you stacked sth you should xd

04:47:150 (5,6,8) - make the line better, look at the pproach circle from the middle hitcircle and move the giht or left close or further to make the distance equat

btw, i probably should mention that 04:52:293 (5,1) - this kind of overlapse if perfectly fine. It's nice looking and strucutred. Don't change stuff like that. Just make sure it's consistent, the spacing is right and its backed up by the song.

05:06:252 (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12) - that could be a lot more interesting. The drum stream changes in ~3 places, but you just changed it in one, in the middle, and just by making a sharp turn. Make it more interesting by adding different ds and shapes, also 2 more sharp turns.

05:08:211 - wasted potential of "solo"

05:21:926 - I'd so map it. But i get it. You map mainly drums xd.

05:31:844 (2,4) - just a random pick from many, how could you not make a blanket and instead make an overlapse.

[Summary]
You have potential, the map, maybe. But don't count on rank in it's current state. It would probably need a remap to work.
Lot of clustering problems, missing beats, problems with spacing and structuring, aesthetics. But you have some nice ideas which you executed in a nice way. I could even say, that this is great for a first map. Keep working, get some mods, map more and you'll get far.

Also, i see you like metal, and you have potential, so consider joining my metal clan. You could get some help from other metal fans and mappers.
Ask Wishkey or HML for membership.