Oldfag Shitposting Keyboard - $350
You might have heard about tales of old Off-Topic where things were better. You want to make Off-Topic great again, but your threads are not shining at all. That is because you are not using the tools oldfags used in the old days! This shitposting keyboard can withstand around 700 keys a minute, which is just about enough to fulfill dreams of any shitposter. While it doesn't come with any cool LEDs or amazing macros, you can hear some sick sound effects everytime you post something horrible. Make sure to not get any food under the keys. Paper not included.
Potato - $10
As the price is suggesting, this isn't just an ordinary potato. It is a high quality potato from Finland and it hasn't been tweaked in McDonalds. This means that this product will be really molded by the time you receive it, but that's okay! At least you are not getting any heart attacks! Think about all the things you can do with this potato. You could throw it at your biggest enemy. Even better, you could force him or her to eat this potato and potentially kill them. I mean, you don't fuck around with a finnish potato. If you have multiple enemies, you can always split the potato and do a multikill!
Kel-Tec KSG - $900
This powerful bullpup pump-action shotgun was designed by this american craftman but because he was also involved in WikiLeaks, he became an immigrant and moved to Finland. Anyhow, I don't know shit about firearms but according to Wikipedia, you load some shells into it and it goes boom. Zapper is too weak these days so you might as well start using this controller instead. Dog ain't laughing no more! It's also featured in some Call of Duty game so it means it's pretty good. You could also shoot yourself with KSG, but you have to buy the shell separately.
Axe - $60
We all know that feeling. You want to level up your Woodcutting to 99 but you are just too lazy and your steel axe isn't working at all. Why use a piece of shit when you can use a real axe, go outside and chop down real trees? As our model is showing the product in this image, it isn't a battleaxe so you can't pretend to be some Nord from Skyrim. However, it does exactly what it is supposed to do - cutting trees and cutting people when you are drunk as hell. It has a beautiful wooden handle to make sure your grip won't slip and cut yourself instead! If you are too weak, just wait few months and we will introduce you a chainsaw.
Warthog - $25000
We had to rip off the machine gun from the vehicle due the terrible gun laws we have, but this baby makes you hum the theme while you drive over some alien bastards. Too bad aliens do not exist. You could always buy a VR set and wear those while driving on the street. It has four wheels like a car is supposed to have and you can put all your beer at the back of the car where the machine gun was.
Doomsday's Avatar - $350
You are currently seeing the low resolution version of the greatest avatar of all time. As of today you can get a high quality version of this fantastic and beautiful avatar that Doomsday carries around. High quality version is 5000 x 5000 huge and you can see all the great details like the fur and the fact that the bow tie is clearly fucked up. We only have a limited stock of these images so order now before Doomsday arrives and buys all this artwork away with the donation money.
Huge Selection of Xbox One Games - $60 each
...well then. They will pop out anytime now!
Lock - $35
There are many uses for a lock. For example, you can lock your folders full of naughty and lewd taiwanese cartoons girls. You can also lock terrible threads in Off-Topic without having moderator powers! Unfortunately manufacturer forgot to give us keys for these locks, so you might have to rethink what to lock. We were promised that the keys will arrive in few years. This means that if you ever wanted to control your fapping addiction, this is where it could start.
Tetris Beginner Building Pack - $20
Legos were cool but they won't have a chance against these classic pieces. You can already hear the theme song playing in your head as you build a massive tower only to figure out that you aren't supposed to do that. Unlike the danish pieces, walking on these with bare feet won't hurt as much so they can't be used as tactical weapons. Let us know if you are going to buy multiple packs so we can order more from Soviet Union.
Payment
We accept cash and PayPal. Also Coca-Cola. You get 5% discount if you pay with Coca-Cola.
Support
Having trouble with paying? Is the product not arriving? You can contact support in here, but we are actually never there and you will get the same experience as if you are trying to contact Steam Support. How amazing!
Contact
The same as support, duh.
Products
Our new products will arrive in 48 hours. What it could be? I wonder that myself.
